OPERATION UNFATHOMABLE

Monday, April 30, 2012

Highlights of Dungeon Level One

d12
1. Wicked master of mind control accumulates riches by sending his ensorceled hoard of berserkers on raids of nearby settlements, trade routes and wealthy dungeon neighbors
2. Chain gang of escapees from the Mad Jailer on level two, unwilling to explain the unoccupied set of bloodstained manacles
3. Dead end stair leading down, terminates in illusion-concealed pit filled with green slime
4. Berserker crew assigned to rid the level of giant spider infestation: employ predictably straight-forward approach, heavy casualties
5. Network of passageways and rooms impassably webbed: filled with loot-bearing victims and rather large black widows
6. Conspiracy of neophyte thieves practicing moving silently from shadow to shadow, picking no fights but on the watch for opportunities to improve back-stabbing skills
7. Subhumans driven toward the surface by forces below cling ferociously to their lightless culture and meager territory while simultaneously being exploited by said forces
8. Vast and ancient chamber originally accessible only from below: cruder more recent renovations broke through from level one, access to level two, haunted by spirits of extinct prehumans
9. No man's land between subhuman and berserker areas w/improvised barricades, shallow trenches, arrows shooting back and forth: littered with bodies, home to single opportunistic ghoul
10. Skeleton-manned arms production facility, overseen by subhuman thugs
11. Chamber of automatic will annihilation and secret control booth
12. Ogre formerly employed on level two walking out in disgust, muttering about back pay

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Before First Level: Fighters

d12
1. Local militia offered little but the occasional drill, scampered off w/gear to go freelance
2. Born into war clan, scattered following rout against occupying forces, now incognito
3. Farmer turned to banditry at height of famine, found calling
4. Freed from domestic slavery in noble house after heroic acts in defense of city-state
5. Slipped mickey by army recruiters, survived campaign to wipe out otherwise irrepressible tribe for local lord
6. From tender age always erecting practice dummies and fashioning weapons from found materials
7. One of those jerks forever getting into fights for no reason, decided to make career of it
8. Stint as galley slave really built up the old arms, not to mention the total disregard for the sanctity of life
9. Brutality of early life in wilderness settlement mandated expertise in the hacking and slashing
10. Prodigy: slayin' came easy and early as bereaved parents of childhood acquaintances can attest
11. Deserted from imperial army after seeing too much: will never again fight for a cause, only money
12. Thrown out of family trade, barred from arcane academy, cast out of seminary, apprenticeship w/thieves' guild revoked, lute lessons went nowhere, disqualified from athletic training, humiliated after failed bid for local election, sacked from local guard, bought a sword

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Other Travelers in the Wilderness Caravan

d12
1. Grim one-eyed aristocrat in cardinal-feather cape w/ enchanted long sword: answering emergency summons of former ally, a possibly insane sorcerer
2. Iron-clad cleric and retinue of acolytes embarking on important dungeon-bash for religious reasons
3. Marriage party of ravishing and technically still-eligible personage en route to politically expedient nuptials in neutral citadel
4. Brew-master, bodyguards, and several casks of experimental new beverage promising to revolutionize boozing forever: believes assassins hired by rival on his tail
5. Lipps the dungeon dog breeder and his kennel wagon
6. Exhausted, wounded and profoundly psychologically rattled surviving members of research team returning from archaeological expedition w/unanticipated results
7. Destitute zealots attempting to locate newly founded mystery cult headquarters in wilderness
8. Squad of plain-clothes assassins relieved after successful mission try to maintain cover while dying to spend some of their ill-gotten riches
9. Off-duty caravan security team of rangers awaiting new assignment
10. Formidable warrior-priestess of the woolly neanderthals on wisdom quest among the hairless ones
11. Extremely nervous courier trying to look inconspicuous: delivering shipment from high end jeweler, strapped under clothes  
12. Team of surveyors and engineers in the employ of would-be lord currently depopulating swath of wilderness

Friday, April 27, 2012

In the Blasted Lands of the Fallen Moon

d12
1. Anaerobicites: photon eating plankton of the moon
2. Ruined outpost of the observer aliens
3. Molten pool of space gold
4. Astral moon-folk, downcast and forlorn, gather the fossilized remains of their bodies
5. Demesne of the currently inert moon god
6. Crater-dwelling moon crabs: huge, well-armored, extremely hardy, notably sluggish in atmosphere
7. Sub-surface steam rooms of sea urchin-like star beings, highly intelligent, involuntarily murderous
8. The Dark Siders: agency responsible for the moon-fall, strike from hidden sphere astride land lobsters
9. Huge claw protruding from surface may reveal location of pre-moon-fall dragon's lair
10. Spontaneous emissions of moon radiation: promotes lunacy, triggers latent lycanthropy, increased risk of lethal moon fevers
11. Ruins of pyramids revealed as laboratories for the creation and transmission to earth of terror monsters
12. Small breeding population of Light Siders in stasis, protected by death-dealing automatons

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Before First Level: Elves

d12
1. Prolonged dreamy-eyed adolescence thinking cosmic thoughts, laughing and singing in the enchanted forest, then came boredom followed by ennui
2. Spent a century or so afflicted by a hereditary curse, now temporarily held at bay by dark sorcery
3. Bitter struggle for survival in harried enclave in contested territory: gaunt, humorless, talks like Christian Bale as Batman
4. Morally outraged by elfin politics-as-usual, abandoned elf-life for self-imposed exile among the lesser folk
5. Literary study in the library citadel grew wearisome after a couple of hundred years
6. As close to suicide as an elf gets before epiphany: discovered inner avarice, suppressed blood lust
7. Left homeland in disgust after failing to gain admittance to exclusive social order, self-esteem buoyed by hanging out with human riff-raff
8. Adventuring career just the latest in series of light-hearted larks
9. Emotionally unstable (for an elf), more at ease among the easily rattled humans and halflings
10. Protracted secret indoctrination, now embarked upon clandestine mission for elf supremecists
11. Accrued massive gambling debts during extended period of heavy partying
12. Shamed and humiliated by ruinous love triangle, seething with pent-up rage, spoiling for displaced vengeance and thirsting for riches and a new life

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Before First Level: Dwarves

d12
1. Served mandatory 20 yrs. repairing/refining subterranean vaults w/dwarvish conservation corps
2. Dropped out of jewelry-making school in white-hot rage after public rebuke of works
3. Has finally gathered enough gems to buy family heirloom war axe from father
4. Fascinated by study of humans and their folkways, considers them amusing weirdos, cannot wait to join forces
5. Threw off yoke of cultural dourness while exhausting entertainment value of wine and song, wasted too much time to get rich by the standard means
6. Painstakingly hand crafted own tomb in the Hall of Fathers, performed ritual auto-funeral, ready for adventure
7. Spent youth in traditional crafting of personal tool kit (including arms and armor) for lifetime use in all endeavors, now fully fledged adult and ready for action
8. Driven by adolescent gold-lust, committed the unforgivable offense of hoard-theft to outfit self for adventure: caught, beaten, shaved of beard, permanently exiled
9. Retired from several careers, now looking for thrills, resume includes: militia, stone cutting, masonry, metal fabrication, food and hospitality service,
10. First dwarf to attempt to popularize notion of collective bargaining for workers, barely escaped series of assassination attempts, has had it w/his kind
11. Impoverished petty noble w/dwarvish enemies galore, 17th in line for throne, didn't like chances in high society
12. Content to grow beard and hammer rocks until afflicted w/permanent viral infection, manifests as low grade fever and severe wanderlust

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Hell's Lesser Inhabitants

d12
1. Anguish eaters amble clumsily about daddy longlegs-like
2. Imps of Frivolity screw around and crack wise about the terrible conditions
3. Evil bacteria fly around in thick swarms looking for fresh wounds
4. Collosal bloated couch riders of sloth: incapable of taking any action
5. Disturbingly beautiful flora of vanity blossom in between perpetual reapings
6. Stirges: it's their Heaven
7. Diabolical souls who never follow through on anything scheme pointlessly
8. Venial spirits in crow-shape fight eachother over shiny objects
9. No longer idle, hordes of disembodied hands do the devil's incomprehensible work
10. Satan's lap dogs: harvest bones at will, issue mocking laughter
11. Huge growths of vaguely human-shaped fungi wail piteously on horrific steaming turd plain
12. Beetles w/agonized human faces scuttle to and fro gnashing teeth and vomiting alot

Monday, April 23, 2012

Before First Level: Thieves

d12
1. Enthralled by the seedy underbelly of human life, enjoys vice of every kind, considers honest folk suckers
2. Kleptomaniac rich kid w/defiant streak a mile wide
3. Fell in with the wrong crowd, must steal to support habit
4. It started with stealing pies as child, rapidly became addicted to thrill, has since branched out
5. Trained by expert thief father: frequently chained to various objects and commanded to escape, sent to market w/long list and no cash, abandoned at bottom of sheer cliffs, etc.
6. Magpie-like affinity for shiny objects, obsession managed (poorly) by heavy drinking
7. Schooled in the evils of private property at heavily tattooed grandmother's knee
8. Found native culture stultifying and oppressive, turned to life of crime for kicks
9. Figured it was the only way a poor kid could retire before age thirty
10. Sincerely enjoys being sneaky
11. Comes from a long line of straight-up sociopaths
12. Mistakenly stolen by thieves as baby, reared by trio of doting yet dastardly "uncles"

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Before First Level: The Cleric

d12
1. Indulged in habitual heresy and blasphemy until sudden divine visitation inspired terrified vows of fealty
2. Sold to local temple by destitute parents, granted entrance to order following lengthy period of servitude
3. Orphaned at tender age, sought shelter among esoteric brotherhood, fell under sway
4. Found (this particular) god at the bottom of continuously drained and replenished mug of grog
5. Harrowing psychedelic incident after consumption of moldy bread leads to cosmic revelation and subsequent total dedication to grooviest deity in pantheon
6. Healed by kindly cleric after near-fatal childhood injury
7. Took up with the holy ones to spite rationalist humanist parents
8. Sudden apoplexy while consulting temple scrolls, awoke to awed veneration of clergy: used by divinity to issue several important new revelations while comatose
9. Flirted with several deities and indulged in secular philosophy until sudden realization made lifelong service to Thor seem irrefutably imperative
10. You see, there was this vestal virgin...
11. Fate sealed at age 6 by ritual gift exchange on the high holy day: received toy mace and holy symbol, spent rest of holiday attempting to turn siblings and that was that
12. Above average wisdom score: in a world where the capricious influence of the gods is beyond debate or reasonable doubt, joining them is pure pragmatism

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Before First Level: Magic Users

d12
1. Thrown out of several reputable academies, killed last headmaster to cross path and made off with spellbook
2. Woke up to find self fully vested member of arcane secret society after lengthy black lotus bender
3. Snuck into sorcerer's tower, captured and imprisoned in library until mastered first spell: took ten years
4. Well-connected parents employed graft and bribery to gain admission into exclusive training facility
5. Tormented in dreams from childhood by terrible outer being who trades nocturnal peace for pursuit of the mystic arts
6. Unquenchable lust for power from early age, long list of enemies to one day blast to smithereens
7. Turned wholeheartedly to sorcery after late-childhood revelation of secret lineage: witch-doctors, magi, necromancers, psychics, diabolists and even a vampire thrown in for good measure
8. Kidnapped and trained by hermit-mage after handily winning math competition at village fete
9. After witnessing injustices of the world, hates the gods and will devote researches to finding the magic bullet needed to dispense with them once and for all
10. Strong innate sense of the fullness of reality combined with major social inhibitions, threw self into studies and never came out
11. Vision following blow to head partially revealed cosmic mysteries, triggered lifelong pursuit of knowledge
12. Sole survivor of barbarian village destroyed by snake cult but far too congenitally feeble to even entertain revenge by the sword

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Dead in a Ditch

d12
1. Merchant, dagger in chest through defiant note refusing ransom
2. Hairless naked body covered in fresh tattoos with no visible cause of death
3. Halfling, still warm, skull perfectly stripped of soft tissue
4. Two goblins, backs filled with goblin-size black arrows
5. Peasant couple with empty flask, both w/freshly stitched incisions just above the hairline
6. Once-mighty fighting man: stabbed, hacked, speared, seared by magical fire, shot with arrows and bashed with blunt instruments over and over until finally dead
7. Giant snake slit open from the inside, must've been something it ate
8. Nearly the entire roster of the Eleven Fingers crime syndicate
9. Completely intact troll, no sign of injury but to all appearances stone dead
10. Tear-streaked elf in funerary raiment: succumbed to overwhelming despair
11. Several notable aristocrats in line for the throne: Oh, look! Here comes the city guard!
12. The local bishop: No, wait, he's just wasted on brandy again

Re-animation Projects of the Chaotic Necromancer

d12
1. Zombie army of giant ants set to demolishing annoying/undesirable cities
2. Select occupants of the imperial catacombs beneath the city-state including famous conquerors, former heads of state, important philosophers (of evil)
3. Sorcerer/scientist assassinated just before completing work that reveals fraudulence of the gods
4. Fully operational skeleton town, just for model railroad-like kicks
5. Towering aggregate zombie, sent to destroy wilderness tower of notable wizard 
6. A pre-human god, secretly killed and interred by founding deities of current pantheon
7. Squad of legendary assassins, current aristocracy extremely nervous
8. Breeding population of antediluvian proto-human stock, superior in most regards w/ambition to match
9. Martyred religious figure: triggers massive cult revival
10. Captive think-tank of genius consultants from history, have already out-flanked the necromancer with plans of their own
11. Arcane architect, designer of otherwise impenetrable deep levels of mega-dungeon: prepping for incursion
12. Recently dispatched party of adventurers, don't remember the TPK that got them and (at least at first) look upon necromancer as kindly benefactor

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Fighting-men: Why We Fight

d12
1. For honor and nation: personality nullified by grim nationalistic fervor, demands of rigorous ethical code and extreme stoicism
2. Gear fetish: because wicked swords and cruel axes are super bad ass
3. Thought it would help chances with the opposite sex: now haunted by shade of accidentally slain sweetheart
4. Given the choice, opted out of family pig shit hauling business
5. Religion requires tally of dead foes for preferred afterlife status
6. Comes from long line of proud occupants of early graves, now ready to seek own glorious end
7. Not much good at anything else, really
8. Highly competitive personality + thrill-seeking adrenalin addiction
9. Was the bloodthirstiest young aristocrat anybody had seen in some time
10. On account of the abundance of faces that are just begging for a damn good stabbing
11. Easy gold. Don't mind killin'.
12. Frequent exorcism of reptilian killer instincts in gore-soaked melee required for maintenance of otherwise considerable personal charm

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Why is there an Underworld?

d12
1. Earth hollowed by extinct giant ants during paleogean Age of Giant Insects
2. Life began in crucible of chaos at center of the earth, only breaching the surface after millions of years in the dark oceans below
3. Groundwork laid by primeval visitation of planet-eating cosmic worms
4. Aboriginal population of mole-men warped into surface races by renegade god
5. Surface evacuated by ancient ones after their twisted sorcery caused the atmosphere to catch fire for 1000 years
6. Planet strip-mined by aliens, totally depleted of element vital to interstellar travel, abandoned
7. Because of a lie the elf fathers told the first dwarf
8. The evil gods imprisoned at the earth's core call out to be freed, their children delve ever downward
9. Fossilized circulatory system of the dead earth god, upon whose corpse we all feast
10. Down below where the goblins and kobolds dwell the god of retribution fuels his spirit-powered engines of anguish with wicked souls
11. Provision of First God War armistice created a permanent division between children of light and darkness, since nullified by renewed hostilities
12. Underground realms left over from first major revision of creation when mountains rained from the sky to forever bury failed experiments

Friday, April 13, 2012

Items of Moderate Interest in the Ogre-King's Hoard

d12
1. Accumulation of scalps: tacked to wooden pole in stand
2. Bronzed baby teeth of forgotten aristocrat and several shiny coat buttons in half-crushed box
3. Crude portrait of infamous ogre lord of the distant past on stretched skin of some kind and wrapped in furs
4. Small cubes of dehydrated hero blood in ceramic vessel marked with an X, prescribed by witch doctor for flagging virility
5. Braid from frost giant's beard taken in anger
6. Exquisitely rendered stone sculpture depicting seductive ogress in repose
7. Taxidermy collection of deceased pets: 2-headed hell hound, favorite slave ape, goblin body guard, all in ferocious poses
8. Rare yet essentially worthless collectible stone-carved miniature knights and castles, roughly handled, paint chipped, fair+ condition
9. Junior-sized training cudgel: blood-stained, dotted with skull fragments, cracked down the middle
10. One set of ogre-size formal wear: dress loin clout, fine fur shoulder wrap, huge leather boots, thick black girdle with shiny buckle
11. Cask of aged fungus liquor: subtle, loamy aroma, intriguing flavor profile, lethal to humans 
12. Sold to the king as The Coprolites of the Gods, probably just a box of roughly cylindrical rocks

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Manifestations of the Sorcerer's Derangement

d12
1. Broad mugging and overacting of a silent movie villain plus ear-piercing shrieks and stream of consciousness rants at top of lungs, sweaty, bug-eyed
2. Overwhelming obsession with sub-atomic matters, scrawls equations everywhere, wears microscopic eyepiece 24/7
3. Hell-bent on mission to improve sensory awareness: currently preparing for self-surgical installation of giant multifaceted bug eyes
4. So steeped in the esoteric has lost ability to even comprehend mundane matters anymore, forgetting to eat/sleep/bathe
5. Manic pursuit of bigger and better explosions leaves hideout a smoking ruin, plans to soon blow up something really big, issues near continuous crazed laughter
6. Megalomaniacal devotion to remaking the world in his/her image starting with mountain-sized statues (scale models fill laboratory)
7. Unfortunate loss of basic bodily function control, walks around with big streaks on gown while dictating wild new theorems to amused homunculus scribes
8. Successful research expanded list of arcane power words considerably, now indiscriminately peppers his sentences with them, surviving staff walked out weeks ago
9. Intruding alien personality constantly interrupts normal speech w/scathing criticism, alternate opinions, mockery
10. Receiving direct transmissions from the future w/instructions on which current political figures must be assassinated, summoning beings from the dimension of hate to carry out hits
11. Involuntary high speed spewing forth of esoterica and erudition in a highly educational, well organized screed
12. Swallowed by black hole of paranoia, has killed retainers, is planning on launching preemptive strike on closest allies

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Quick Cultural Quirks: Sophisticated Urbanites of Swords and Sorcery

d12
1. Considers self to be unflappable having seen it all in the big city
2. Applauds the feudal spirit: actually quite fond of the help
3. Sensation seeker by habit if not inclination, unapologetic epicurean tastes
4. Prejudices against the unwashed masses too numerous to list, total ignorance of agriculture and most means of production
5. Honors the gods as required by social mores but with little enthusiasm, heavy sprinkling of moral relativism
6. Settles matters of honor with dagger duels or other mostly ceremonial means: elaborate rules minimize lethality, its all about showing up (w/awesome entourage decked out to the nines)
7. Master of all manner of parlor amusements: games of skill/chance, song, verse
8. Weds traditionally w/ much pomp but generally for social engineering purposes, adultery discrete but frequent
9. Leisurely luncheon considered a vital restorative and will halt most activitities (including dungeon exploration) for mid-day repast
10. Prone to bitter complaints when exposed to the elements, doesn't know a tent from a hole in the ground
11. Strong percentage chance of successfully faking way through conversation on wide range of topics
12. Honors the hour at which it is customary for a gentleman/lady to partake of a stiff one

Monday, April 9, 2012

Quick Cultural Quirks: Deep Forest People

d12
1. The prairie is terrifying: deep-seated horizon-phobia
2. Likes to sleep in high places: will go to great lengths to improvise off-ground accommodations
3. Subject to psychosomatic infirmities when underground for extended periods
4. Will talk reassuringly to trees
5. Waste not, want not: sees the potential for future use in objects of little discernible value
6. Instinctive guerrilla fighter: seeks cover/concealment, shoots and retreats, etc.
7. Heavy animist thinking: constant awareness of the spirits that inhabit everything
8. Minimal oral communication, esp. on duty but plenty of eyebrow signalling (extremely garrulous when intoxicated)
9. No institution of marriage: all about the free love
10. Males: good hunters, frequently drunk, Females: can make anything out of deer guts and plant fibers, also frequently drunk
11. Treats everyone not formally initiated into tribe as children
12. Distrusts the capricious spirits of metals and must appease them often: will not carry anything bigger than a good spear point, prefers arms/armor of wood, leather, and sinew

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Unforeseen Financial Setbacks in the City

d12
1. New "adventurer's rate" at shops, inns, taverns and tradesmen: +1d100% to typical prices
2. Due to recently closed economy, hard currency must be exchanged (a small surcharge applies) for paper voucher system
3. Dweomer tax on all unregistered magic items entering city
4. To cover rising repair/policing costs, revelers must apply for a carousing licence (non-refundable fee), summarily revocable by city guard
5. Must purchase and sport customary attire to do any kind of business or risk committing a grave discourtesy
6. Roving packs of street arcanists enjoy employing reverse alchemy on the purses of visitors
7. Markets use auction model, professional shills up the bids on foreign buyers
8. Must choose between conversion to local religion or pay a one-time opt out fee
9. Healing available at temples but on sliding scale for each according to their means
10. Impenetrable legal code plus bribe-happy constabulary = retaining legal aid all but imperative
11. Carrying weapons disallowed, secure storage available during stay (w/rental agreement)
12. Vast sorcerer-controlled swarms of rodents seek ill-guarded wealth in the wee hours

Saturday, April 7, 2012

DM's Emergency Dodecahedron Outcomes Oracle

For use whenever the mad schemes of the players demand speedy resolution but lie beyond the scope of easily remembered/referenced rules....

d12
1. Abysmal and utter failure beyond all reasonable expectations
2. Unpredictably bad outcome (there will be blood)
3. What the players imagined to be the worst case scenario
4. Still pretty bad but losses acceptable (dead hirelings, wasted resources)
5. Certain failure but with minimal loss
6. Even Steven: no loss, no gain
7. Partial success, but at some cost
8. Successful but only just, or partially favorable outcome
9. Laws of physics/psychology bend in favor of the players
10. Only agencies beyond the player's ken can explain their total success
11. A stunning success beyond all reasonable hope
12. DM's instinct prevails as long as its amusing for all (win or lose)

Die modifiers:
+1 if plan seems sound or if obscured by cloud of cool-sounding BS
+2 if the gods might favor such a plan
+3 if the plan seems really amusing
-1 if the plan seems completely absurd
-2 if the plan inadvertently ruins something super cool
-3 if there never really was a chance for success anyway

Friday, April 6, 2012

Found Strapped to the Paladin's Warhorse

d12
1. Golf bag full of swords favored for various circumstances, numbered in red paint
2. Bundle of detoxifying herbs for cleansing tea-fast
3. The Bedroll of Righteousness: enchanted to halve rest requirement and double healing rate
4. Incredibly detailed personal journal of impure thoughts w/equally belabored screeds of repentance
5. Precisely enough gold to cover projected expenses of current crusade
6. Decomposing head of former villain for return to patron lord
7. Page-worn and tattered Manual of Personal Conduct volumes I-VI
8. Satchel of nuts, berries, the hardest conceivable tack, w/ skins of fresh rainwater
9. The Helm of Self-Justification: replaces pesky inner debate with bolstering certitude, increases morale of followers
10. Perfumed ribbon from headdress of evil queen/king
11. Unholy relic in lead box earmarked for speedy destruction
12. Library loan (with 7 days remaining): illuminated scroll containing abridgement of Ahknatar the Inscrutable's classic Lethal Pitfalls of Situational Ethics

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Results of Successfully Listening at Door to Empty Room

d12
1. Peal of a distant church bell
2. Gnawing, crunching sounds from within the door itself
3. Gentle patter like soft rain
4. Barely audible voice whispers "Come in"
5. Sound of your mother's increasingly hysterical voice calling your name
6. Sort of think you heard something, but probably not
7. Noises from entirely different but nearby room vibrating through dungeon walls
8. Chirping of birds, rustling of dry leaves
9. Echo of the party's most recent conversation
10. Ringing of sword against sword in a pitched melee
11. Implausibly slow and deep drawing of breath, followed by equally outsize exhalation
12. All you hear is the blood pounding in your ears and you wonder if this dungeon is giving you a heart attack

PS: Post number 100!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

What's on the Guard Monster's Mind

d12
1. Literally waiting on other side of door for interlopers to smite, total job satisfaction
2. Complete devotion to aims of master, dog-like obedience
3. Blinding urge for wanton destruction barely held in check by training
4. Searing hatred for all that lives spurred on by frequent torture at master's hands
5. Immeasurable hunger for flesh occludes all other concerns
6. Dedicated only to its own mission of annihilation
7. Pain from unhealed wound propels mad frenzy
8. Normal thoughts and behavior confused due to malnutrition
9. Addled by never-ending duty, looking to take it easy
10. Disgruntled with job, willing to bargain w/powerful opponents
11. Looking for bribes, doesn't want trouble, more than happy to betray anybody for profit
12. No longer cares one whit about it's duty, merely showing up until something better comes along

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Dungeon Aesthetic

d12
1. Designed to accommodate alien/giant body plan
2. Meticulously-crafted, smooth stonework, unadorned,  impeccably clean
3. Vertical design around central crevasse w/shafts, landings, platforms for ancient public levitation system no longer in service
4. Architect: H. R. Giger on an acid-fueled bender with unlimited budget and massive slave labor force of highly skilled artisans
5. Dark whimsy: a Disneyland of fear and death
6. Slopped together w/minimal outlay and effort, functionality compromised, doors barely work
7. Natural beauty of cavern system preserved and subtly enhanced, chambers linked by faux-natural causeways
8. Mind-bending baroque design: countless sculptures, tapestries, bas reliefs, mosaics depict events of terror and bloodshed
9. Interconnected system of cones, spheres and cylinders, cold and clinical, origin unknown
10. Original masonry eroded and dotted with fossilized coral from long-ago period of flooding
11. Jarring tilts and trapezoidal chambers, angled ceilings and floors, a mad-house
12. Rough-hewn functionality dangerously askew after major earthquake, strong chances of collapse, inter-level breakthroughs.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Horrors of the Slough-pit

Yes, this is highly irregular, but today's table can be found embedded in the one-page-dungeon-type deal linked below. With the OPD contest underway, I thought I'd take a crack at the format (this is not an entry, just a tryout). I invite all to download and have a look. Perhaps I can entice you with the map....


Imprint One Page Wilderness
Released under the Creative Commons license used by the OPD contest.