Saturday, June 30, 2012

Newly-bred Henchmonsters and Utility Beasts

d12
1. Distillery beast: consumes mass quantities of fruits & grains, excretes brandy, liquor
2. Restraintopus: land cephalopod trained to act as living manacles
3. Giant shipping/receiving mantis
4. Pyramid-building apes: huge, incredibly strong and unnaturally agreeable
5. Aggressively territorial honey bees w/strong sleep-inducing sting venom
6. Butterfly w/20ft. wingspan: adheres to host for single glorious flight then dies
7. Siege giant: even more dim-witted than usual, employs thick curling horns on head for living battering ram effect
8. Hydra sphinx: repositories of knowledge w/1d12 heads, each the master of single discipline/area of expertise
9. Messenger stirges: can only digest blood-based nutritive formula, fly patterns from one feeding station to the next w/messages stapled to their rubbery appendages
10. Wound-sucking leeches: anesthetizes, disinfects, extracts poisons if applied expeditiously
11. Lap-beast: living balls of fur and teeth, snuggly, lovable and ferociously protective of loved one
12. Major domo, reanimated: flesh golem-like but fine-tuned to exemplify quality of service, impeccable taste, quiet dignity, the fuedal spirit

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Features of the Devil Prince's Escape-proof Isle

d12
1. Surrounding waters filled to bursting w/host of giant jellyfish in perpetual feeding frenzy
2. Three-hundred foot vertical stone cliffs on all sides w/single heavily guarded cave harbor, surface accessible via many-leveled subterranean complex
3. Surface 100% defoliated: frequent applications made by undead anti-gardeners
4. Herds of scantily fed giant man-eating swine patrol the barren open grounds
5. Maximum security cell block directly beneath keep w/garrison of 150 trained sub-human warriors and command group of half-giants
6. Huge enclosure where prisoners construct colossal ebon step pyramid for an unknown purpose 
7. Current warden: ancient vampire sorcerer with impressive resume of atrocities
8. Slave drivers/guards: swine-mounted trolls with wickedly barbed tridents that they hurl with deadly accuracy and surprising range
9. Perimeter scanned 24/7 by elite squad of sorcerers specializing in spells of observation, vigilance and detection, from series of watch towers equipped w/pre-charged fireball launchers, lightning guns, cloudkill grenades, etc.
10. When the mood strikes, the devil prince strolls the grounds, pausing for a bit of sadism here and there
11. Perpetually anchored storm cloud casts gloom and erupts into showers of punishing hail and lightning upon command from the warden
12. Aquatic security chief: dragon turtle

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The Humanoids Seem a bit Weird Today

d12
1. Just been handed the pink slip: numbed and inattentive as they contemplate their next move
2. Experimental new humanoid chow turns out to have unanticipated psychotropic properties: urge to kill muted, beginning to think about settling down, perhaps taking up a craft or developing hobbies (of evil)
3. Just had a huge meal: bloated, drunk and sluggish
4. Wages slashed: howling with rage and thirsty for blood
5. Frenzy of grief and anomie following a firm "request denied" by their cruel deity
6. Wounded, divided and demoralized after rather violent internal squabble
7. Receipt of shocking news from spawning grounds leaves them confused, off their game
8. Virus going around that causes temporary insanity in most human-like species
9. Heavily ensorcelled to ensure robotic obedience
10. Scrawny, shagged out and partially stupefied by unreasonably long shifts and shoddy feed
11. Jumpy, paranoid, terror-stricken over dark master's newly promised and very specific penalties for failure
12. In stitches due to dead-on and highly satirical portrayal of dark master by a particularly talented member of the crew

Monday, June 25, 2012

Features of the Eccentric Plutocrat's Mansion

d12
1. Torture chamber w/discretely curtained observation lounge, master torturer's quarters adjacent
2. Private art gallery w/half-devil curator: works carefully selected to slide poisoned blade between the ribs of the human spirit
3. Hall of taxidermy: highlights include several specimens whose gaze might still turn you to stone
4. Elaborately appointed summoning chamber and reception area for dignitaries from Hell
5. Surgical suite for extracting adrenal glands and other essential bodily fluids for artificially prolonging life
6. Secret cemetery where victims of the plutocrats various eccentricities are respectfully interred (once stripped of usable parts)
7. Hedging bets: multiple shrines and mini-temples (some with hired clerical staff) honoring incongruous gaggle of gods, demons and cosmic entities throughout manse and grounds
8. Row of guest rooms designed to accommodate startlingly alien requirements
9. Secret costume room w/variety of outfits designed for impersonating prominent public figures
10. Grand ball room w/elevated stage currently occupied by inhuman troupe of travelling performers preparing for the bloodiest and most realistic Grand Guignol production yet attempted
11. Fenced enclosure housing captive population of debased halflings
12. Secure area (including deluxe quarters) where multi-disciplinary think tank pits dark intelligence against the plutocrat's entirely petty personal concerns, employing a private force of assassins (also luxuriously housed) as needed

Saturday, June 23, 2012

More Gonzo Class/Race Options

d12
1. Repo man: sent by trans-cosmic order to secure artifacts for return to alternate dimensions, teleport at first level, comes with bag of holding and sidearm
2. Living vapor: damaged by magic, fire, must shelter from strong winds, etc., but otherwise invulnerable to standard physical attack, spell-like powers as MU, must interact w/physical objects by proxy, inscrutable
3. Reincarnate: deceased high level sorcerer takes over body of young ancestor, unable to memorize spells, but can cast from spell books/scrolls w/experience 
4. Moon man: luminous eyes as light spell at first level, additional moon powers w/experience, equipped with moon-metal weapons: maximum damage vs. lycanthropes, undead, moon creatures
5. Harpooner: nautical monster-hunter/big game specialist, expert at improvised anti-monster contraptions, Queequeg w/ broader experience
6. Half-ape: strength/agility bonus, intellectually negligible, 50% chance to forget about weapons in combat, easily rattled, frequent alcohol abuse
7. Transhuman: hyper-evolved, tall and bald w/extended fore brains, psychic, totally non-violent (not above instigating indirect violence, naturally)
8. Star explorer: marooned on D&D-type worlds, kit includes non-rechargeable ray gun, laser knife, food pellets, seeks means of interstellar travel/communication
9. Corruption: former high level MU/scientist reduced to level one abomination by experiment gone awry as in The Fly 
10. Feral human: expert at survival, improvised traps, sneak attacks, stealth, receptive language skills only, flees at the drop of a hat
11. Agent of Law: magic resistance starting at level one, charged by Prime Mover to hunt chaos, destroy the arcane, vulnerable to loss of sanity
12. Ooze man: native to distant star, pliable sack of protoplasm able to form body into useful shapes (keys, bludgeon, crowbar, etc.), very fond of humans who remind them of nano-cephalic hominoid servitors native to homeworld

Friday, June 22, 2012

Emergency Unusual Class/Race Generator




d12
1. Badgermen: the anti-hobbit, vicious and relentless fighters, must be dragged from combat
2. Peltast: expert hurlers of weaponry, 2 javelin attacks/round at level one
3. Ray fusilier: trained in all forms of ray-gun combat, melee weapons limited to stiletto
4. Gentleman/Lady: persons of refinement, education, sophistication, start game with 3d6 x 1000gp
5. Half-troll: slow regeneration, rubbery hide, claw attacks, unmentionable dietary requirements but otherwise alright
6. Impostor: jack-of-all-trades, chooses class each day as OD&D elf, but can only do magic via scrolls or spellbooks
7. Yeti ascetic: levitates in lotus position at first level, additional mental powers with experience
8. Strongman: fights unarmed or w/club, feats of strength, must continuously pump iron to maintain abilities
9. Woolly Neanderthal: furry hominids of average intellect and above average strength, druid-like powers at mid-to-high levels
10. Lunatic: beset by fantasy madness, enter berserk state as barbarian, immune to mind control
11. Intelligent hound: heightened senses, communicates like Lassie, faithful to and protective of PC or NPC at low levels
12. Were-pixie: change triggered by factor such as lunar phase, sunspot activity, equinox, etc., gains spells as MU when in pixie form

Thursday, June 21, 2012

In the Witch's Workshop

d12
1. Hansel and Gretel: stuffed, trussed and aging in a closet
2. Rather large talking frog in a slough-filled tub: has memorized the entire Encyclop√¶dia Britannica (1901 edition)
3. Potpourri burner filled with demon bile over a low flame: indescribably offensive odor but somehow invigorating (temporarily enhances constitution) if exposure lasts 10 minutes
4. Full suit of skin from a farmer's daughter w/a selection of authentic yet beguiling outfits
5. Bat winged cloak (non-magical but awesome)
6. Magical shoes that allow the wearer to surmount and run along moon beams
7. Twenty foot long python w/black fur and the head of a cat curled up in front of the hearth
8. Dead triffid drying upside down from ceiling: being cured for smoking purposes
9. Binoculars with large vat-grown eyes instead of lenses: press against forehead to use
10. Elaborately woven bed crafted of briers and brush covered with wicked thorns
11. A variety of living brains in ichor-filled ceramic vessels hooked up to Rube Goldberg machine that automatically awakens the witch at sundown and prepares an unmentionable breakfast
12. Gads the headless valet, stitched back together and reanimated after some unfortunate incident, serves refreshments and tidies up

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Nature Goes Haywire

d12
1. Unexplained lightning plague: near-continuous strikes on even cloudless days, woe unto the armored warrior on a treeless hilltop
2. Chaos-demon strikes down the god of physics: gravity gets weird, among other effects
3. Unpredictable gusts of wind capable of tossing full grown men about like leaves, sky gods unresponsive to campaign of blood sacrifice
4. Quirk of evolution leads to advent of extremely prolific laser-mice
5. Oceanic waters gradually congeal, translucent membrane develops as does a singular intelligence
6. Sudden release of subterranean gas triggers extinction event: domesticated animals
7. Colossal fungal puffball swells to gross immensity then explodes, scattering millions of spores into the atmosphere, growths already taking over planted plots, covering rooftops, etc.
8. Meteors ridden by thrill-seeking demon cowboys zoom crazily about leaving panic and mayhem in their wake
9. Sky turns purple, clouds appear as glowering faces, strange thunders boom as never before, 1/3 of the population goes crazy and dies
10. Glacier w/conspicuous ice ramparts and battlements cruises at speed into temperate zone toward imperial capital
11. Everyone wakes up one morning to find thousands of weird eggs everywhere
12. A fire of unknown origin takes babies away

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

More Campaign Paradigm Shifters

d12
1. Solar eclipse lasts until moon god's lust for blood is satiated
2. Long prophesied messiah of the underclass manifests, sets plans in motion for world-wide peasant revolt
3. Hyper-evolved being arrives from future to teach humanity the arts of space travel
4. Imperial sorcerers announce breakthrough that promises to revolutionize transportation by harnessing the Tenser wave
5. Dinosaurs make another play at a comeback, this time aided by unknown race of nautiloids
6. Thor (or equivalent) smashes incoming asteroid in upper atmosphere: fragments rain down willy-nilly, cities must make saving throws
7. Demon prince reveals self and peers as interdimensional psychephagi ready to begin occupying surface territories and reducing humankind to the herd-beasts they were always meant to be
8. Ill-advised geomantic activities trigger sudden shift in tectonic plates, rearranging map: new mountain ranges crop up, great sundering rifts between formerly contiguous lands, coastal cities devastated by flood, etc.
9. Recent batches of human newborns show disturbing and rather abrupt new trends in evolutionary development: distended frontal lobes and protruding pineal glands among the most noticeable
10. Moldy grain sets off great monotheistic awakening, huge percentage of the population tripping out to the same hallucinations, heading speedily towards officially "Holy" evil empire
11. Nearest volcano erupts constant streams of fire monsters
12. Hurricane blows in, halts over capital city, razes it to ground and remains as permanent storm zone

Monday, June 18, 2012

Almost Indestructible: Villain Death Requirements

d12
1. Must be immersed in sanctified wine for not less than 10 minutes
2. Head must be laterally bisected, each half encased in molten lead and shipped off to far corners of the world
3. Disembodied animus may escape to further vex humanity unless its mouth is sewn shut before death
4. Can only perish on a full moon, and then only by a moon-copper blade
5. Vulnerable to physical attack only when consumed by lust for a mortal
6. Must be struck with simultaneous blows from a virgin, a priest, a halfling and a thief
7. Can only be killed yesterday
8. Will only die by its own hand
9. Only vulnerable to weapons crafted of angel bones
10. Must willingly drink hemlock
11. Must be staked though each of its three hearts
12. Can only be scared to death

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Under the Paleogean Serpentine Mound

d12
1. Giant mummified serpent demigod: remains inert until the stars are right
2. Emptied of original contents centuries ago, currently occupied by a witch's workshop dedicated to creating intriguing new life forms using recycled parts
3. Somewhere within the entirely earthen mass a single enchanted gem links the site to a particularly snaky dimension: luminous spirit snakes in their thousands writhe about the environs nightly
4. Entire membership of ancient vampire cult entombed within in quasi-dead  condition, seals regularly re-sanctified by snake god-worshipping zealots in nearby enclave
5. Imprisoned spirits whose magically preserved bodies must be destroyed before they can rest
6. Spectacular weregild offered by an extinct people to appease the gods of the serpent men, undisturbed for 1000 years
7. Time capsule of the ancient ones: strange and incomprehensible arts, magics, and technologies stored here until scheduled opening in 499 more years, giant auto-snake throws flames, launches explosive projectiles, bombards with deadly radiance any who dare break the seal
8. Fancy mausoleum for royal houses of the serpent men: every trap sprung, thoroughly looted, now a breeding ground for slimes, oozes and jellies
9. City of the mound devils: tiny entities of unquenchable malice and irony decorate the interior with furnishings crafted exclusively from human bones
10. The ancient earthwork merely serves as a corner in a continent-spanning pentangle that will one day call down the Missing Gods from their long sojourn among the stars
11. High priestess of the serpent folk abides in stasis with several drones, mated pairs of now-extinct antediluvian species awaiting the next Swamp Age
12. Snake-shaped air/sea/spacecraft covered in naturally accumulated turf

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Effects of Long-term Exposure to the Underworld

d12
1. Paranoiac hyper-vigilance: reduced sleep requirement/accelerated aging process, shifty eyes, constant perspiration
2. Rapid onset full-body hair loss
3. Total color blindness: visual acuity increased by several megapixels
4. Sallow, sickly appearance, unhealthy anti-glow: reduced charisma
5. Absorption of trace airborne elements triggers coarsening of skin: as leather armor, temporarily painful w/dexterity reduction
6. Olfactory enhancement: picking up the subtleties once ignored, chance of surprise reduced, negated by exposure to fresh air
7. Cave depression: emotional responses muted, adrenalin tolerance through the roof, enhanced resistance to fear, panic
8. Ration starvation: vitamins/minerals missing from feed, weight loss, bad breath, immune system compromised (saving throw penalty)
9. Low light vision enhanced, negated by re-acclimation to full daylight
10. Dungeon pragmatism: atrophy permanently erodes empathy, compassion, regard for sanctity of life
11. Systemic fungal infection: increases strength and constitution, occludes thought process
12. Total acclimation: underground environment seems like home, surface life just an increasingly vague memory

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Demons and Devils, Other

d12
1. Mustachioed demon: suave, ivory-skinned human shape in natty attire w/outrageous facial tentacles, a smooth-talker of chaos and evil
2. Philosopher devil: refutes good with seemingly indisputable logic, a heap of obscuring robes w/bird feet, piercing avian voice
3. Ocular demon: human size eyeball and dangling optic nerve, congregate in flocks, levitate freely about, delight in invading the most private of moments, feed on soul via prolonged eye contact
4. Hilariatrix: astonishingly beautiful human female w/impala antlers issues hideous mocking laughter, insult comic-type jabs, points up hidden foibles and enhances embarrassment whenever possible
5. Aesthete devil: admirers of crafty obscenities, clever abominations, expertly staged horrors, burst into spontaneous ovations when delighted
6. Demon soul farmer: create strange and terrible new parodies of life from recycled soul-stuff and other unlikely raw materials (examples: living sewage, animate offal, metal insects)
7. Songbirds from Hell: exceedingly noisy minor nuisances who plague adventurers by ruining stealth and making a good night's sleep impossible
8. Bureaucrat devil: wretched go-betweens especially skilled at weaseling out of responsibility and throwing one another under the bus, also fond of bogging down adventurers in piles of red tape while waiting for muscle to arrive
9. Carnal demons: too wrapped up in seeing to their gluttonous needs to pose much of a threat, lewd and lascivious, they ogle and sexually harass mortals
10. Parasite demons: tiny winged bloodsuckers infest the unwashed crevices of their larger brethren, aggressively seek any available host should the original come to harm
11. Grandpa devil: gets its kicks by scanning the memories of victim, taking on the physical form of a cherished ancestor, reminiscing about the good old days while telling lies about family history and its inescapable legacy of evil
12. Nightmare-eater demon: a mosquito-like abomination, induces nocturnal terrors in its chosen subject and syphons off the resulting distress via ears, nose and mouth w/its revolting multi-pronged proboscis

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Human Frailties

d12
1. Over-inflated sense of self importance skews perception of most events
2. Extremely literal minded: always missing the subtleties
3. Chock full of bigotries as suited to social status
4. Wandering mind: thoughts drift about unreliably
5. Little regard for personal hygiene
6. Bad teeth: frequently "edgy"
7. Short-term memory shot, long term fairly patchy as well
8. Supremely self-confident w/out regard to personal deficits
9. Habitual use of mood elevators, mellowing agents
10. Gluttonous over-indulgence in most earthly pleasures
11. Big mouth: rattles on endlessly, lacks proper "indoor voice"
12. Irrepressibly evangelical re: personal biases

Monday, June 11, 2012

Campaign World-threatening Emergencies

d12
1. Inexorable approach of titanic blind idiot space god
2. Sorcery gone haywire releases rapidly spreading cloud of madness
3. Rotation of the planet magically halted by misguided vampires desirous of a dark side
4. Secret star chamber of the gods convenes, judges reality in need of a reboot to be carried out in stages, starting with extensive pruning
5. Fire god wins war against earthly enemies in far off region, celebrates with a 21 volcano salute
6. Turns out arcane spells are somehow fueled by solar fusion, the next magic missile could trigger super-nova
7. Following stupendous seismic tumult, great rift canyon opens up, allowing advent onto the surface of formerly imprisoned subterranean terrors of unsurpassed destructive power
8. Previously unknown race of intelligent cephalopods has been biding time, building their amphibious war-machines in preparation for surprise extermination of surface
9. Bodies of dead gods keep turning up
10. Dead rise from their graves: without pausing to eat the brains of the living march off to muster in isolated region
11. Capricious god grants trolls the capacity to breed like rabbits
12. Vegetable messiah arrives, announces universal plant solidarity and declares war against humanity

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Planets in the Vicinity of the Campaign World

d12
1. Planet of gold: plague of element-eating space worms devouring it rapidly
2. World of ruins: once a D&D-like world with shining cities, etc. until the monsters won, currently in Monster Manual-derived analog to Earth's Age of Reptiles, human survivors reduced to cave dwelling
3. Planet made up of towering spiny protuberances with deep seething bio-valleys between: cliff-dwelling aerial creatures predominate
4. Monad's world: single super-powerful god jealously maintains illusionary monotheism for sheep-like population, hosts of terrifying winged servitors enforce commandments, root out interlopers
5. Perfect duplicate of the current campaign world, complete w/PC doubles driven by uncontrollable urge to destroy the originals
6. Fortress world: leftover death star from some ancient space war, now occupied by devolved descendants of original crew, still practice the art of blowing up planets only now as a holy day ritual
7. Flaming sphere: spawning grounds for the sun-dwellers, titanic salamanders, home of the socialist utopia of the lava men
8. Gas giant w/solid islands, ramjet propelled space crustaceans, inscrutable gas bag beings
9. Planet of milk and honey: fresh and new, savagely protected by young feral gods, current population: 2, garden contains plant species with miracle properties that need stealing
10. Automatonica: irresponsible god creates artificial intelligence then abandons experiment on this silicon-rich planet, weird mechanical replica of planetary ecosystem results, still coming online, may soon decide that the universe would be cleaner without all the biological units scampering around
11. The (wide) world of sports: highly competitive population of sentients work hard, play harder, fields, tracks and arenas everywhere in the capitol megalopolis, Championship City
12. Spheres of desolation: wiped clean of life by vengeful gods and left in their orbits as a testimony to their power and authority

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Available Means of Interplanetary Travel

d12
1. Woven into the fur of the colossal Aether Bat
2. Temporary encystment in the mass of a migratory space ooze
3. Comet comes by highest mountain peak once daily, grappling hooks recommended
4. Surmount 7 miles of scaffolding, embark in solar dirigible
5. Series of timed teleports combined with globes of invulnerability: 50% chance of catastrophic error
6. Ride the lightning beam from atop the sorcerer's observatory: horseshoes forged of solid mercury required
7. Launched within padded projectile from trans-cosmic trebuchet
8. Demon-wing transplant: increases caloric requirements one hundred fold
9. Whisked off via yeti ascetics' polyhedron power
10. Disintegrated, broadcast upon arcane wave, reintegrated at destination via exceedingly costly sorcery
11. Carried by willing vampires
12. Fall upon the legendary blazing Sword of the Star Sojourner

Friday, June 8, 2012

Details For the Otherwise Empty Dungeon Room

d12
1. Hundreds and hundreds of mouse-size holes of indeterminate depth
2. Walls composed of stone with dimly luminous veins of an unknown compound
3. Scything blade trap just inside the doorway, rusted in sprung position
4. Intricate mosaic spells out obscenities in ancient script
5. Blood trail leading to middle of wall (no secret door)
6. Gummy substance on top, bottom and sides of door: hermetically seals room when closed
7. Some settling has occurred: unusual pitch of floor, walls and ceiling creates optical illusion, seeming downgrade actually gentle incline
8. Sizable swarm of dungeon gnats forms into patterns that appear to be a repeating series of runes
9. Heap of funerary ashes w/unidentifiable bone fragments
10. Packet of extremely old hard tack: now really quite hard indeed
11. Mirrored ceiling, clean(er) spots where furniture used to be
12. All-out insect war in progress: huge colonies chewed into opposite walls, floor strewn with countless tiny casualties, sophisticated troop formations attempting to outflank one another

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The Dragon's Gourmet Night: Menu

d12
1. Man-chowder w/bone meal toast points
2. Catoblepas surprise: kobold tribe baked inside
3. Gently killed warriors, lightly seared: served in their armor in various attack poses
4. Virgin pie
5. Flailsnails braised in pork fat w/bile reduction
6. Team of roast oxen yoked to wagon full of kraken ceviche
7. Soft boiled roc egg over man-hash
8. Unicorn medallions presented uncooked w/individual salt lick
9. Humanoid melange in exotic spices
10. Rustic ape stew
11. Megalodon & giant bivalve paella
12. Exceedingly fresh (live) giant beetle larvae tossed w/garlic in a light vinaigrette

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Gourmet Night at the Dragon's Cave: Guest List

d12
1. Dune giant sultan, body guards, travel-size harem toting barrels of exceedingly rare spirits
2. Gaggle of big city idle rich thrill seekers going for the gusto w/their most outlandish binge ever
3. Sphinx w/mummy retainers: launches into ranging monologue, dragon can't get a word in edgewise
4. Dragon's black lotus connection & shabby entourage
5. Fire giant lord and lady: he's a physical disaster after too many years of conquest, she's a ferocious wrecking machine despite demure bearing 
6. Swarm of telepathic giant bats: dining on the ceiling
7. Impatient demon w/places to go humoring dragon for political expediency
8. Vassal ogre king and most of his extended family
9. Cabal of once-human sorcerers embracing their twisted natures
10. Pair of juvenile dragons from neighboring mountain range claiming to seek mentorship, actually casing the joint
11. Rival ancient dragon: after lifetime of territorial disputes w/host, celebrating anniversary of détente with verbal contest of wits
12. Last minute cancellations w/barely plausible excuses: a bitter dinner for one, looking for excuse to unleash pent-up frenzy of destruction

Notes: roll 1d4 times (ignoring other results if you roll a 12), guests wouldn't dream of popping in w/out suitable gifts

Monday, June 4, 2012

The Intelligent Dragon's Current Obsession

d12
1. Development of draconic haute cuisine: has filed talons into precision food prep implements
2. Composition of epic poem celebrating self and accomplishments while minimizing those of rivals, scribes on staff to take dictations
3. Negotiating complex treaties w/two-bit human lords and then gleefully pulling the rug out from under them
4. Dungeon extortion racket: legwork carried out by deputized hench-monsters, doesn't really pay off but provides amusing bedevilment
5. Health and wellness: meditation, (human) juice fast, brutal exercise regimen w/charismatic personal trainer/guru in residence
6. Interior cave design: multi-tiered water features, sculpted and enhanced columns, stalactites and stalagmites, attractive fungi arrangements, etc.
7. Exotic creature husbandry: extensive menagerie maintained by staff of expert monster wranglers
8. Researching theoretical means of draconic space travel, intends to capture moon for dragon-kind
9. Trying hand at designing self-aggrandizing monumental architecture: still hatching schemes to acquire requisite host of slave laborers
10. Amassing preeminent library of esoteric knowledge, several demon librarians on staff, hiring buyers/thieves
11. LARPing w/bored vampire guests and lich acquaintance: likes to play halflings
12. Recently sworn off frivolous obsessions: right back to default treasure hoarding/virgin eating

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Fluids in the Dungeon Well

d12
1. Single tear of a titan shed in cosmic anguish
2. Clear lubricant 100 times more slippery than oil
3. Dwarf water: magically condensed, one small vial/day to maintain peak hydration
4. Enough deadly virus-laden slough to infect a city or two
5. Black water: potable but temporarily renders skin as pitch
6. Digestive juices of the well-shaped beast
7. Repulsive soup of decomposition
8. Industrial-strength solvent
9. Liquid nitrogen
10. Protoplasmic stew burgeoning with Cambrian explosion-like panoply of novel life forms
11. Nutritionally complete monster fuel
12. Liquid evil

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Downtime Activities: The Lich

1. Research and development: new and improved phylacteries
2. Psychologically tormenting inferior underlings
3. Reincarnating ancient high priest for consultation re: superior unholy rituals
4. Inhaling the poisonous vapors of N’kash
5. Heated psychic teleconference with highly opinionated demon prince
6. Restoring tissues in soothing protoplasmic bath
7. Reorganizing collection of skulls for optimum necromantic feng shui
8. Self-installation of fresh eyeballs and optic nerves
9. Fondling personal heap of golden riches while laughing maniacally
10. Job interviews with exceptionally evil chief of staff candidates
11. Impatiently awaiting delivery of eldritch artifact via homunculus package service
12. Contemplating suicidal end to futile existence…but only for a moment! Roll again

Friday, June 1, 2012

Random Ooze

d12
1. Crimson: transdermally desanguinates, urban predator that likes to hide under beds, in walls of inns 
2. Ultraviolet: invisible to humans, levitates
3. Amber: 1d20 attack psuedopods, highly nutritious if processed by dwarf-methods
4. Golden: only affected by magic weapons and spells, becomes treasure when killed
5. Silver: as golden ooze, but less valuable
6. Polymorphic: transforms into crude likenesses of creatures, objects
7. Azure: crackles with electricity, moves at thrice normal rate
8. Verdurous: incredibly enormous, photosynthetic, sage-like wisdom
9. White: able to roll up into ball and bounce impressively 
10. Flaming: belches gouts of fire, perishes instantly if somehow extinguished
11. Translucent: swallows prey whole, violently expels bones of previous victims
12. Prismatic: strobing colors produces hypno-effect, also used for ooze-to-ooze communication