The Dungeon Dozen

Even the Doors are Weird

2012-02-22T17:22:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Made of semi-permeable tissue: only organic material may pass through
2. Enchanted talking door w/ service-oriented attitude, only knows about things a door would care about
3. Composed of a living aggregate of insects clinging to one another: strict entrance policy
4. Fashioned of cast iron and set in solid stone with 3 giant deadbolts on the outside
5. Randomly opens and closes w/ damaging force
6. Unauthorized tampering activates hysterical magic mouth alarm: "They're touching me! They're trying to open me!"
7. Door made entirely of doorknobs: must turn correct knobs in succession for entry
8. Carved in shape of ogre face with gaping maw: must be fed for entry
9. Coin slot above handle: 10 gold pieces to unlock (each way)
10. Surface of door has 5 hand-shaped indentations: opens when all are occupied simultaneously
11. Several life-like eyeballs set into door closely scrutinize those in proximity
12. Surface of door inscribed with huge letters reading "You are weak.": combined strength of 4 men required to turn huge knob

Psychoactive Gems

2012-02-21T20:33:00.002-05:00

d12
1. Increases intellect but erodes judgement
2. Induces hypnotic state of suggestibility
3. Bestows the gift of intense paranoia
4. Nullifies emotions
5. Compels owner to seek deepest recesses of the earth
6. Instills unquenchable gem-fever
7. Fans the flames of hatred and bigotry
8. Heightens mood to euphoria and beyond
9. Suppressed urges spectacularly released
10. Eradicates all sense of purpose
11. Imparts (additional) delusions of grandeur
12. Focuses consciousness entirely upon inevitable doom

So you made your save vs. poison....

2012-02-20T18:32:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Hands swell to gross immensity
2. Full body numbness: -2 to all physical tasks, bonus to hit points
3. Narcoleptic effect: 1 in 6 chance of involuntary napping/turn
4. Loss of mental acuity: disallows spell casting and other heavy-duty cognitive activities
5. Astonishing gastrointestinal distress: 1 in 6 chance of attack/turn
6. Overtaxed liver produces mind-bending abdominal pain
7. The shakes: -2 to everything requiring manual dexterity
8. Skin changes to random color and hurts like hell
9. Hallucino-vision: -2 to everything requiring visual accuracy, occasionally terrifying
10. Speech center compromised: drunken caveman talk
11. Copious drooling: suavity nullified
12. Brief coma followed by total emotional meltdown w/inconsolable weeping, irrational behavior, sudden freak-outs

Notes: effects last anywhere from 1d4 hours for relatively mild toxins to 1d4 weeks for extremely potent poisons or large doses

Strange Doings in the Rain Forest

2012-02-19T11:35:00.001-05:00

d12
1. Luminous mosquito-like jungle spirits: suck the spells from magic-users
2. The understandably Lost City of Myopia
3. Silken meeting hall of the giant spider collective
4. Bio-sorceress' expedition to catalog extant species: mobile laboratory tests for arcane applications of discoveries
5. The Canopy Highway: thatched, lashed and magically preserved untold centuries ago by vanished race of arboreal engineers
6. Hidden library of the Ape Scholars
7. Heavily armed imperial expedition hunts bio-sorceress (who escaped from previously scheduled public execution): now lost, starving and perishing of disease
8. Psychic monkeys: torment sensitive minds with capricious thought intrusions
9. Extremely elusive clan of humans with prehensile feet and innate arcane abilities
10. Clear cut carrion field w/ herds of wingless giant flies: tended by giant spider proletariat
11. Pharmocopia: stone age enclave of folk w/ unsurpassed knowledge of plant chemistry, among their many achievements: functional immortality
12. Giant spider forces drilling: weaponized spider knights practice charges atop domesticated mantid mounts

Inside the Giant's Curio Cabinet

2012-02-18T12:06:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Interesting selection of (dented) human-sized helmets arranged in order of perceived awesomeness
2. Bag filled with fist-sized pills: headache remedy crafted by ogre witchdoctor
3. Fancy spell book: sub-literate scrawlings throughout, he doodled all over the spell inscriptions
4. Tear-stained ancient ceramic urn containing ashes of giant ancestors
5. Necklace of giant baby teeth strung on cord (gift from mother)
6. Stolen sculpture collection: 100% naked ladies
7. Charmingly naive charcoal self-portraits on stretched skins: concealed within cave bear fur portfolio
8. Cork-stoppered bottle of giant's cologne: indescribably offensive
9. An enchanted buckler (appealingly shiny and reflective) on a crude display stand
10. Giant's emergency dental kit: over sized hammer and vicious-looking pliers rolled in skins
11. Shabbily folded stack of spare large sacks
12. Huge rough-hewn stone dice (dodecahedrons, as it happens)

More Weird Pools

2012-02-17T20:37:00.000-05:00

d12
1. The sacred pool of the cave beetle god: surrounded by millions of the tiny zealots in droning prayer
2. The Black Soup of Life: coughs up random embryonic magical beasts
3. The cloning pool: any living thing touching the pool is perfectly cloned in 24 hours *
4. Purple baptismal pond of indelible staining
5. Pool of cold liquid gold: assumes normal state when exposed to sunlight
6. Booze pool: run-off from the deep dwarf distillery
7. Monster oasis: temporary detente between otherwise natural enemies, adventurers not included
8. Translucent predatory protoplasm doing best impression of a pool
9. The pool of growth: any being or object fully immersed permanently doubles in size
10. "Bottomless" pool: trans-dimensional portal
11. The waters of enlightenment: drinking imparts 1d6 minutes of god-like intelligence followed by recuperative coma lasting 1d6 hours
12. Hot Tub of the Gods

* Naturally, the clone will not stop until it has killed and replaced the original

Messages Intercepted from the Underworld Courier Service

2012-02-16T12:12:00.001-05:00

d12
1. Note from kidnapper with instructions for delivery of ransom
2. Order for resupply of foodstuffs for underworld catering service
3. Receipt for powerful magical artifact signed by vampire curator of museum of antiquities
4. Plea for clemency to particularly vicious underworld bigwig
5. Advertising circular for Captain Ossbagh's Freelance Dungeon Muscle service
6. Demand for return of territories improperly seized by troll brotherhood
7. Totally defiant and obscenity-laced response to extortion attempt
8. Request to domestic service for new valet with apologies for former servant's ghastly fate
9. Tear-soaked missive from spurned lover of high-born giantess
10. Tally of losses incurred due to escaped horror and heated request for remuneration
11. Long letter from sorcerer to fellow black arts practitioner detailing necromantic experiments
12. Simple directions to the City of Uttermost Darkness with instructions for avoiding the mind-bending hazards en route

Puzzling Evidence in the Corridor

2012-02-15T12:23:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Shallow hole in wall with debris and broken pick lying nearby
2. An unidentifiable green stain on the floor, smells a bit
3. A still-smoldering torch
4. Heaps of recently deceased rats: not a mark on them
5. Loose flagstones in floor leading nowhere
6. Large "X" carved in wall
7. A half-melted sword
8. Abandoned nests of dungeon swallow colony
9. Very large fragments of purple eggshell
10. Clean bones of small animals arranged into incomprehensible patterns on floor
11. Claw-rent and useless steel chest plate
12. A huge earthenware dish half filled with dirty water

Wandering Dungeon Friendlies

2012-02-13T19:24:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Masterless dungeon hound: highly skilled, fond of dwarfs
2. Unguent salesman w/ hulking half-giant bodyguard
3. Extremely charismatic mercenary recruiter w/ sergeant and recent hires
4. Humorless missionaries from the Temple of Neutrality
5. Overfull ogre, picking adventurers from teeth, drunk on stolen wine and quite jolly
6. Escaped chain gang from subterranean dwarf work camp
7. Young nobles in tattered finery, recently vampirized and released to own devices
8. Contingent of arms dealers transporting stock of cheap weapons and reconditioned armor, eager to buy and sell
9. Fungus-man monks: unbelievably serene, supremely self-actualized, totally non-violent and practically unkillable
10. Insufferably pompous paladin and his equally zealous all-sidekick crew
11. A good-natured talking giant snake asking politely for sightings of nearby vermin
12. Dungeon pimp and his foxy stable

Dungeon Conspiracy Theories

2012-02-12T13:19:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Dragons beholden to unknown being from another sphere: hoards just not the same anymore
2. So-called "adventurers" actually death squads of underworld junta
3. The coming apocalypse will destroy the surface world only sending underworld real estate through the roof
4. Strings pulled by cabal of mind-eaters who now know everything
5. The one true god lives at the center of the earth: the path to wisdom runs deep
6. Humans created in vats of ancient underworld sorcerer to usher in age of terror
7. Cube jelly: the secretly sentient masters of the dungeon
8. The surface world is actually hell: adventurers = demons
9. Our small gods war amongst themselves to win approval of the unknown gods above them: after that all bets are off
10. Undead eyes transmit information to secret overlords from an adjacent plane
11. The sky god judges the surface-worlders but cannot see underground
12. All the seemingly mindless monsters of the dungeon actually controlled by a subtle intelligence keen for amusement

Wandering Treasure

2012-02-11T09:48:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Legendary ivory-tusked white under-mammoth
2. Sub-human priests transporting golden sacrifice to temple of the greed god
3. Ogre slaves using rope and greased logs to move stolen platinum pyramid topper to dragon's hoard
4. Beastman soldiery dragging (fully equipped) dead adventurers back to base
5. Heavily armed mercs escort underworld trader making bank deposit
6. Droppings indicate rock-eating worms recently passed through rich lode
7. Extra-deadly giant spider with gem eyes patrolling territory
8. Three tiny UFOs use tractor beams to carry off fully-loaded treasure chest
9. Ensorcelled plutocrats (with jewelry and fat purses) stagger drunkenly toward lair of remote mind-control expert
10. Ransom delivery agents shadowed by squad of assassins
11. Crazed sub-human found bejewelled wand, now afraid to return to lair
12. Badly damaged and resource-depleted adventurers hauling hard-won loot (and corpses of fallen cohorts)

The Dragon's Other Prisoners

2012-02-10T17:03:00.002-05:00

d12
1. Three former chiefs-of-staff serving life sentences for insolence and poor service
2. The local lord: not previously known to be missing
3. Bound halfling suspended upside-down from ceiling
4. A lawful wizard encased in a life-sustaining plasm
5. Hog-tied hill giant chief in extra-large cell block
6. A still-smoldering fighting man in claw-rent armor
7. The ogre guard captain who got overly ambitious: still retains loyalty of the guard, fomenting insurrection
8. Malevolent mist-being in glass bio-dome: mutters about plans to depopulate the continent
9. The heir of the griffin king awaiting delivery of ransom
10. Sentient beetle-man from the distant past: claims to know a good deal about the future as well
11. A six-dimensional fungus hovering in containment dome
12. Ball-gagged bard weeping (silently) over the shattered remains of lute

Dwellers in the Lightless Pits

2012-02-08T16:36:00.001-05:00

d12
1. Land-bats
2. Sonar men: unsightly echolocation sensilla replace eyes
3. Feelers: badger-like solitary hunters covered with thin extensible tentacles in place of fur
4. Giant naked mole-rats: aggressively territorial, commanded by psychic queen
5. Behemoth snail: broadcasts fear-inducing stimuli from radar dish-like protuberance on shell
6. Stinkmen: communicate via pheromones, perpetual state of warfare with the Sonar men
7. Terrestrial angler fish
8. The Light Eater: sentient demi-material shadow form, sustains self by consuming photons (or phantasy equivilent)
9. Bioluminescent flying prawns attracted to heat
10. Huge blobs of edible anaerobic bacteria
11. Barnacle fungi: spread themselves by adhering to passersby with strong bio-glue, accumulate rapidly
12. Oh hey, the floor is moving- no, wait, it's just one zillion bugs

Unpleasant Potion Side-effects

2012-02-07T18:29:00.001-05:00

d12
1. Subject faints after use (1d6 minutes), unpredictable spells for remainder of day
2. Immobilizing gastro-intestinal distress after 3d6 minutes
3. Potion effect half-life: diminished effects linger following original duration
4. Potion "flashback": effects suddenly return for 1d6 minutes at random moment
5. Inverse effect follows original duration for equal period
6. Skin of imbiber flushes random colors for 1d6 hours
7. Hair grows uncontrollably for 1d6 days requiring constant maintenance
8. Teeth of subject rapidly decay: breath rendered intolerably foul, reversible only by magical dentistry
9. Instant addiction: subject goes to any length to procure lifetime supply of concoction or close facsimile
10. Abdominal bloating, discomfort and weight gain due to unknown effect on metabolism
11. Subject only able to emit frog-like croaks for 1d6 hours
12. Following effect duration, subject explodes into tiny fragments

Note: Use for potions of suspect manufacture or particularly ancient provenance

Domestics on Duty at the Sorcerer's Tower

2012-02-06T16:29:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Trans-dimensional consultant: the ghost of extinct sentient beetle
2. All services performed by host of rejected golem-brides
3. The homonculibrarian
4. Sorcerer's re-animated parents see to daily care and feeding
5. On-staff sycophants rotate shifts to provide 24/7 ego bolstering
6. Pack of highly-trained hench-dogs: total obedience and unconditional love
7. Major Domo: Thoroughly pacified type Q demon in custom butler attire, uses clairvoyance to anticipate needs, teleports to expedite service
8. War Master: retired fighting man under heavy ensorcellment sees to training and deployment of sub-human forces, drunk 75% of waking hours
9. Chief of Treasury shackled to desk and awaiting execution should he not find some way to balance the books
10. Kitchen staff: mind of culinary genius transferred to extremely dexterous body of land kraken
11. Maintenance dept.: disgruntled crew of semi-competent ogres, recently unionized and eager to exercise collective bargaining
12. Scullery shoggoth

Wandering Underworld Deities

2012-02-05T08:47:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Partial corporeal manifestation of Een the All-knowing: broadcasts blinding white light made of information, all present must save or pass out from involuntary download
2. Ytaan the god of discourse: a 12 ft. tall golden man in dapper toga spoiling for debate
3. Grushakh the invisible man-ape demigod: bad ass result of an unholy union between a mighty chief and Kruchtaki the simian goddess of stealth
4. The thousand-winged, innumerably taloned messenger god Urootha on a delivery
5. The Scrutinizing Gaze of Ga: a giant countenance takes shape on a wall, floor, ceiling, rock, etc. and stares intently at those nearby
6. Ssisashi, god of snakes: temporarily occupied with digesting C'chihi the rat god whose still-struggling outline protrudes from Ssisashi's inert coils
7. The Roach Queen: scouting for site of next Holy Infestation
8. Blishnu the Serene: on levitating tour of the underworld, fires bolts of enlightenment from his eye stalks
9. The Lords of the Worm Dance: wave and gyrate in ecstatic ritual, emit rhythmic cacophony that beckons all worms to join in, oblivious to everything but their strange musical pursuits
10. Kurgah the Underworld Excavator: blasts new passages and chambers into the living stone
11. Blaskatal the fire god: investigates the world in the form of charming beggar girl with flaming eyes, undecided on issue of triggering fiery apocalypse
12. Clakatan, Herald of the All-destroyer: a living thunderbolt bellowing out the good news of impending doom to all and sundry

Useless Hirelings

2012-02-04T10:25:00.001-05:00

d12
1. Panic Attack Jack: tunic, sword, 2 in 6 chance of freak out in combat
2. Huroo the mentally deficient yet totally bold and confident torchbearer: loincloth, torches
3. Thuy the Crafty: threadbare toga, boasts of melee skills but requires armament(s), runs off immediately with whatever he is given
4. Typhoid Tujam: hospital gown, dagger, 1 in 6 chance of dying per turn
5. Cleem of the Pukarat people: two-handed sword, breechclout, a barbarian so ferociously savage and given to violence as to be a constant liability
6. Jurusan the Tremulous: leather cuirass, short sword, 3 in 6 chance of dropping his weapon each round in combat
7. Yukant the treasure-hauler: farm hand outfit, pitch fork, mule, provides continuous stream of arguments against everything he's asked to do and every possible course of action
8. Lin Fin the torchbearer/extremely patient doppelganger: wide-brimmed hat, tunic, poisoned dagger
9. Bad Shot Yot: Leather armor, short bow, full quiver, 2 in 6 chance of targeting party member in combat
10. Famished Frajor: sword, shield, leather, eats rations immediately, persistently asks everyone for theirs, wails piteously if denied
11. Brang the despondent barbarian: fur shorts, battle axe, clan wiped out before his eyes as a child, now seeks suicide-by-dungeon at the earliest opportunity
12. Chulanthes the turncoat guide: in cahoots with nearby dungeon personality to deliver party into ambush

Underworld Hunting and Foraging Success Table

2012-02-03T20:05:00.000-05:00

d12
1. 2d6 delicious bats
2. 2d4 plump and juicy rats
3. Large sack full of giant insect larvae
4. Bushel of nutritious lichen
5. A dozen giant lizard eggs
6. Small sack full of edible lizards
7. 1d3 giant rock snails
8. 2d4 cave cephalopods
9. 2d20 giant spider hatchlings
10. Several days worth of life-sustaining pool algae
11. 1d6 blind cave fish
12. Several handfuls of glutinous fungi

Note: assumes presence of native guide or trained Underworld Ranger

Mountaintop Wonders and Perils

2012-02-02T18:08:00.001-05:00

d12
1. Incomprehensible discourse of the mountain gods continuously echoes about: causes bewilderment, psychosis
2. Giantess colony: immortal daughters of forgotten gods, keeping alive ancient arts of monumental sculpture and man-hunting
3. Ancient temple to the space gods, constant stream of sorcerers make pilgrimage while attempting to assassinate one another
4. Surface team of deep dwarfs, tectonic engineering division: using explosives to sheer off vast chunks of mountain side
5. The Golf Course of the Gods
6. Yeti ascetics hovering about in lotus position
7. Wind Czars locked in eternal warfare with the Emirs of Stone
8. Sorcerer oversees undead minions construction of iron structure housing giant lenses: hopes to soon destroy moon for a purpose only he understands
9. Avalanche-surfing ice devils
10. Aurora Lethalis: sentient and indiscriminately malevolent
11. Hidden Dionysian society of mountain vintners and their brews: healing, enlightening and intoxicating
12. Prospectors from space have struck rich veins of desirable elements, preparing to signal mothership

Over-the-Counter Dungeon Unguents

2012-01-31T12:58:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Dragon balm: temporarily (like 10 minutes) reduces damage from heat/flame
2. Giant bug repellent: 75% effective against giant beetles, centipedes, and spiders
3. Gill wax: stuffed in nostrils, temporarily allows water breathing
4. Oil of command: temporarily improves charisma and smells awesome
5. Ol' Fashioned exercise ointment : loosens muscles for temporary dexterity bonus, reeks offensively, burns like hell
6. Bite lather: rubbed into poisoned wounds, arrests progress of most toxins
7. War wax: applied to full body, hardens on skin temporarily reducing combat damage
8. Barbarian's balm: temporarily reduces damage from cold/ice
9. Oil of invincibility: increases morale for all allies within smelling distance of the anointed
10. Skull wax: applied to freshly shaved head, offers short-term protection from psycho-spiritual attack
11. Salve of silence: often applied to shoes, noisy armor
12. Berserk's butter: slathered on before combat, acts as analgesic, allowing subject to fight 3 rounds after "death"

Note: These items range in price from the merely costly to the extremely exorbitant. Availability limited by random die roll.

Wasteland Attractions

2012-01-30T09:52:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Travelling gruel salesman: protected from harm by invisible spirits of former customers
2. Wizard's fireball/lightning bolt practice range and retreat
3. Paleogean quarry currently worked by hulking mummies (aided by unseen monstrosities below ground)
4. Pilgrimage of the Death God's acolytes seeking the ultimate enlightenment
5. Lizard farm and tannery operated by degenerate clan
6. Horde of vicious sub-humans with camel-like humps
7. Mighty lord and company gathering sub-human specimens for unspecified experiments
8. Clandestine fossil hunting expedition funded by sorcerer's league, concealed by massive illusions
9. Heavily fortified supply depot of the Imperial army: they shoot first, questions later
10. Mad wizard's experimental dirigible facility
11. Cliff aerie of the condor-dogs
12. Procession of hulking mummies carrying massive blocks of granite to pyramid construction site

Special Contents of the Smuggler's Hold

2012-01-29T09:11:00.002-05:00

d12
1. Sealed canisters containing sentient gas beings from another sphere
2. Plague-infested corpses dipped in wax
3. Abundant gold plated idols for forbidden cult: possession = automatic death penalty
4. Delicacies for the mountain giant's annual fete: human blood sausage, catoblepas pastrami, pickled halflings, etc.
5. The Prophetical Stele of the Yeti
6. Catatonic virgins earmarked for unspeakable sorcerous ritual
7. Lead crate containing black meteorite w/ campaign-destroying powers
8. Large shipment of arms and armor for cult insurrectionists
9. Three of the four fragments of the legendary Sword of Sundering (w/ map to final piece, instructions for agents, suicide capsules)
10. Complete furnishings for vampire's lair: vampire included
11. Emperor's monthly supply of illegal male performance-enhancing elixir
12. Bodies of the actual smugglers, replaced by simulacrums directed by distant psychic intelligence

As requested by Mattias

Beyond the Cosmic Portal

2012-01-28T12:16:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Translucent bubble adrift on the tides of space
2. Surface of a strange planet bathed in caustic super-heated gasses
3. The Moon Library (librarians: inverted rugose cones on shocks of hair-like tendrils w/ reading monocles for single eye spot)
4. A small rocky island in the Acid Sea kingdom of the Siliconians
5. Mind-bending trans-planar vortex
6. Wind swept plateau with dome: private spell component greenhouse
7. Box seats for the pre-creation God War
8. Cushy habitarium in the menagerie of the Colossal Spacemen
9. The demi-plane of Pure Effect
10. The offices of Hell's quartermaster general
11. Storage closet in Sorcerer's Guild subterranean laboratory complex
12. Pleistocene Island

Phantasmal Irritants

2012-01-27T16:16:00.001-05:00

d12
1. A swarm of ghost bees
2. The extremely polite haunt who just wants to talk for hours and hours
3. The phantom mime: fortunately appears trapped in invisible cube of some kind
4. Spirit sage who dispenses unsound advice dressed up for maximum plausibility
5. Gloomy shades of viking-types who cannot locate Valhalla and would like precise directions
6. Continuously baying pack of friendly spectral hounds
7. The pacifist poltergeist obsessed with making attacks go astray
8. Mournful spirits of philosophers debate cosmic minutia while seemingly unable to comprehend their own deaths
9. Pack of disembodied accountants follows adventurers constantly measuring cash flow, inventory (rations, torches, healing potions, etc.)
10. Trickster spirit promises to lead to treasure but delivers only the most extreme dangers
11. The undead critic: follows party pointing out foibles, missteps and screw-ups which it finds terribly amusing
12. Apparition of bard nearly done with epic poem, looking for feedback

I Tell You I Saw It Near the Steam Vents!

2012-01-26T16:36:00.000-05:00

d12
1. A crew of grey dwarfs installing unknown metal device with pipes running into the earth
2. Giant viruses ambulating about spider-like
3. Huge balloon-like creatures bearing platoons of strange pale warriors in their claws
4. Towering columns of molds and lichens tended by shell-less land mollusks
5. Fire giants taking a steam, served cocktails by stone boys
6. Mating rituals of chthonic worms
7. Hatchery of the stone boys and their indescribable queen
8. Heavily armed carapace men astride war trilobites
9. Men with hideously convoluted skin (like Chinese Shar Peis) chanting and dancing in a frenzy
10. Innumerable white lizards crawling forth in waves, devouring everything in path
11. Gigantic crystalline structures visibly growing, attracting attention from undesirables
12. A colossal man-form made of scintillating vapors, glowering menacingly toward the city

Features of the Pleistocene Island

2012-01-25T16:28:00.001-05:00

d12
1. Titanothere-driven city on colossal stone wheels
2. Smilodon-riding sub-goblins
3. The mountain of 10,000 terraces
4. The invulnerable caveman who walks through the air
5. Benevolent wandering reptile-man missionaries of the Old Religion
6. War between the wooly rhino matriarchy and the host of the mammoth lord
7. Flightless bird-riding proto-kobolds
8. Giant cave halflings
9. Levitating pyramid: yeti holy site reachable only by esoteric transcendental discipline
10. A viking-style longship converted into lodging for neanderthal clan equipped with rusty viking-style gear
11. Hovering platform of the sky gods: plainly visible in good weather, UFOs come and go routinely
12. Abandoned terrestrial bio-lab of the sky gods from which all manner of strange and terrible creatures stagger forth to menace the world

Hard Times for the City Folk

2012-01-24T16:58:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Extortion by coven of powerful witches: sudden virgin depletion
2. City foundations undermined by unknown giant worm species
3. Virulent new strain of bread mold: mass psychedelic freak out
4. Currently inert titan slowly awakening beneath capitol dome
5. Giants handily defeat city guard, set up shabby encampment w/in walls, working on new city charter
6. Workers uprising: garbage piling up, mass shortages, city guard refusing to carry out heinous new measures
7. Recent slave mutiny put down by draconian measures: former duties undertaken by city guard, now also near revolt
8. Poor attack strategy by city guard = black pudding infestation, population has grown used to it
9. Preeminent local temple goes all Spanish Inquisition
10. The stars are right: significant % of population now openly evil cultists, mad bacchanalia ensues
11. Ancient king returns from perpetual underworld quest, fulfilling prophecy, but reincarnated in the body of otyugh
12. Ruling class (and known associates thereof) summarily executed: chaos reigns, new beggar king crowned

Underworld River Vessels

2012-01-23T12:02:00.001-05:00

d12
1. Ogre-powered pole barge laden with surface loot
2. Fishing boat w/ giant water beetles trained to retrieve prey
3. Casino boat protected by treaties, neutral ground for all factions, run by extremely dangerous vampire
4. Oil rig-style facility: refines river-bottom sludge into orc chow
5. Algae harvesting skimmers crewed by carapace men
6. Floating temple to the river god: aggressively seeks contributions, filled with zealot-marines
7. Haunted trireme on eternal oddysey: morose spirits of famous heroes of the past
8. Pleisiosaur-riding river knights, love to joust among themselves
9. Giant squid-propelled speed boat pirates
10. Adjustable bridge boat operated by wealthy troll clan
11. Lost and demoralized viking types searching for open sea
12. Reptile men atop giant turtle amphibious assault vessel, shell modified with battlements, arrow slits, tail ramp

Also: The Halfling's Codpiece (dinghy): abandoned

Stuff in a Chest

2012-01-22T19:32:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Casks of distilled longevity potion and fancy shot glasses
2. Six sets of formal evening wear (various sizes)
3. A giant gold tooth w/ traces of fresh blood
4. Stone age cult relics, fetishes and shamanic gear
5. Disguise kit w/ wigs, false mustaches/beards, official badges/identification
6. Colony of live bats (chewed aperture in rear of chest)
7. Radioactive meteorite: danger of death/mutation
8. Collection of shrunken alien heads
9. Disorganized notes and papers re: exploration of alternate worlds via dream journeying (upon thorough study = total bunk)
10. Hundreds of keys of all shapes and sizes
11. A completely insane dungeon fairy w/food dish, water dispenser and exercise wheel
12. Beautifully carved miniature wooden representations of each party member

Uncanny Effects of Blunt Force Trauma to the Head

2012-01-20T16:44:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Religious experience resulting in conversion (random god/outer being/entity)
2. Total personality inversion: passionately loathes former friends, thinks enemies may have had the right idea, etc.
3. Temporary alignment shift (3d6 days): suppressed urges bubble to surface
4. Vision of the immediate future (roll for % accuracy): its never good news
5. Senses hidden dangers (4 in 6): presence of traps, etc. triggers mild seizure
6. Detects lies/treachery (4 in 6): overwhelming shivers down spine
7. Smells emotions of those in close proximity
8. Unknown telekinetic talent revealed, must lie down after use
9. Suddenly excellent at math, reduced to caveman speech
10. Loses all inhibitions, poor impulse control
11. Speaks exclusively in ancient/unknown languages, often prophetically
12. Blinded by daylight, sees perfectly in total darkness

Note: effects undone by any subsequent blunt force trauma to the head of equal or greater magnitude

Strangeness on the Savanna

2012-01-19T18:49:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Alpha predator: titanoswine
2. The 100 year migration of the Tortoise Riders: constantly halting for religious observances
3. The strong and noble Impala Men: sketchy on morale, not so bright, eschew weaponry for horn attacks
4. Lost and desperate viking-types searching for a sea
5. Malign clouds: looming and menacing, effects strictly psychological
6. The stampede of the semi-invisible herd beasts
7. Ancient thatched tower: shunned and thoroughly haunted
8. Pillaging grass sailors on their miraculous land schooner
9. Ascetic pilgrims toward the end of their death march, tailed by the Hyena King and his extended family
10. Full moon creates astral bridge to moon prairie
11. Lonely sentient trees: communicate via symbiotic ant colony courier service
12. Capricious brush fire spirits: 50% likely to instruct newcomers on vital savanna lore, 50% likely to encircle and incinerate

Underworld Cash Crops

2012-01-18T17:26:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Ghoulsbane: repels minor undead when smoked profusely, highly addictive
2. Potted Shrieker: lair security device, bred to discern strangers
3. Optic Flora: microscopic plants grow on optic nerve, grants infravision
4. Iron nettles: barbed armor, anti-monster fencing
5. Exploding pods: impact sensitive, launches hail of seed-shrapnel
6. Death spores: airborne poison harvested from giant toadstools
7. Thermolichen: produces berry-like protrusion that when crushed emits heat
8. Levitating fungi: tethered to large objects/loads for transportation
9. Breadcaps: nutritionally complete fungus, deadly poison unless processed
10. Stenchmold: repels reptiles, dinosaurs and dragons, attracts oozes
11. Retchwort: first use: neutralizes most toxins, second use: lethal
12. A rich panoply of psychoactive molds, spores and fungi, carefully bred for effects ranging from the subtlest mood elevation to the most harrowing mind bending delirium (widespread use among kobolds suspected)

Weird Menace in the Watery Deeps

2012-01-17T21:18:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Flesh-eating Little Mermaids
2. Sub-sirens that call fools to the crushing depths
3. Ruined headquarters of the Amphibious League: biologically altered wizards
4. Coral City of the highly intelligent, desperately envious but ultimately impotent cephalopods
5. Super-colony of enlightened jelly
6. Liquid mercury beings and their incomprehensible machinations
7. Vile and despicable eel-men, sadistic toadies of the deep
8. The Sea-lich and her polyp army
9. Forbidden kelp forest of the Deep Elves
10. The Sessile Lords: collectors of knowledge, dispensers of wisdom
11. Moby Dicks
12. The Single-celled God

Underworld Afflictions

2012-01-16T11:00:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Dungeon Itch: mind-bending full body itch, spell casting impossible
2. Mail Rot: starts as obscene stench under armor, advances until tissues slough off
3. Cavern Fever: mounting compulsion to return to surface
4. Ration Starvation: depleted of vital nutrients, weakens, looks terrible
5. Medusa's Blight: skin slowly hardens, hampering movement
6. Troll Flesh: develops green seeping pustules
7. Grave foot: hobbles rapidly, untreated feet blacken and fall off
8. Hill Giant's Hiccups: irrepressible, unpredictable, very loud
9. Berserk's Bane: fever induces spontaneous battle rages + incessant sweating & crazy affect
10. Deep dysentery: explosive onset, severe dehydration, must drain every wineskin to stave off death
11. Tomb Robber's Lung: wracking cough, sensitivity to torch smoke
12. Delver's Blues: turns blue, dies (rapid onset, highly contagious, draconian measures required to halt outbreak)

Pesky Dungeon Infestations

2012-01-15T13:40:00.003-05:00

d12
1. Alchemy mites: eat gold, excrete lead
2. Scintillating mold: hypnotic effect when viewed, trolls watch it for hours
3. Rock eating bacteria: excavation bio-tool gone feral, undermines walls, floors etc.
4. Stone slime: as green slime but perfectly camouflaged
5. Black widow super colony
6. Cadaver ants: dissect corpses to bring into huge nest, store gold in deep chambers
7. Primordial fleas (thumb sized): inert until activated by body heat
8. Whimpering toadstools: like shriekers, only merely annoying
9. Necrophagic fungus: consumes soft tissues, adheres to skeleton for locomotion, keeps adding new skeletons to it's mass until it becomes a vast centipede-like horror
10. Blink lice: short range teleportation
11. Highly aggressive intestinal worms (rope sized), any host will do
12. Microscopic arcanaphagic flora: enter lungs, eat spells

Cult Imperatives of the City Folk

2012-01-14T10:10:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Daily blood tithe: collected by sub-sect of holy phlebotomists
2. Wear very tall shoes, everything on stilts, anything that touches earth: unclean
3. Only permissible nourishment: thrice-blessed health porridge
4. Vow of loquaciousness
5. Customary after-dinner holy hallucinogen
6. Daily recitation of litanies against hope, contentment and peace
7. Seduce infidels as much as possible
8. Secretly commit petty evil daily
9. Honor the hours of public nudity
10. Mass pilgrimage to underworld holy site: city guard excluded
11. Be kind to infidels, beat the crap out of sinners
12. Weekly ablutions in the bile of the swamp lord

Gonzo Bio-weaponry

2012-01-13T17:32:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Radiates death energies from empty eye sockets
2. Expels caustic phlegm from mystic third nostril
3. Effects hypno-strobe from translucent skin
4. Lashes out with extensible razor-tongue
5. Releases gale-force winds from iris-like orifice
6. Emits super-heated gas from funnel-shaped protuberance
7. Fires explosive projectiles from blunderbuss-like protrusion
8. Projects disintegration ray from single horn
9. Launches guided missiles from dorsal spines
10. Spews digestive juices from abdominal fissure
11. Flings hails of barbed poisonous quills from scalp
12. Casts waves of mind-destroying black energy from exposed brain

Wandering Dungeon Mysteries

2012-01-12T17:11:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Slithering animate rope with hangman's noose
2. 1d12 mindless clones of wizard near starvation
3. Flying ink inscriptions: escaped entries from spell book
4. Skeleton dancers giving wandering performance
5. Free-roaming continual light spell
6. Ensorceled thieves giving out gold and gems to passersby
7. Disembodied hand compulsively opening doors
8. The ghost of an intelligent sword (adds bonus to attack of ally)
9. Spirit-eating phantasmal predator
10. Rapidly exiting man-like creature made from gold pieces
11. Phalanx of floating shields and spears
12. Re-animated roast ox on spear-like spit

Less Popular Magic Items

2012-01-11T16:30:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Brazier of Infinite Imps: new imp arises every 10 minutes
2. Helm of Obscuration: proof against psychic attacks, temporarily blinds/deafens
3. Wand of Filth, Dust and Cobwebs
4. Potion of Levitation, effect permanent
5. Flask of Instant Intoxication: lasts entire game session
6. Magic Shield w/ mouth motif: screams out "RED ALERT!" when monsters near
7. Boots of Silence and Severe Blistering
8. Helm of Foreknowledge: imparts suicidal ideations
9. The Pot of Porridge Inexhaustible
10. The Panic Blade (save or flee)
11. Circlet of Inconsolable Weeping
12. Resplendent Pantaloons of Flamboyance

It's on the Ceiling!

2012-01-10T14:49:00.001-05:00

d12
1. d100 Swords of Damocles
2. City of the Intellectual Bats
3. Manhole-like trap door to maintenance level
4. Tapestry of webs depicting events in spider history
5. Stalactite pueblo dwellers: evil dungeon fairies
6. Adventurers impaled on barbed spikes
7. The furniture: nailed up by prankster
8. Alarming amount of dripping water and muddy seepage
9. Pulsating illumination from strange glass tubes in metal fixtures
10. Shriekers!
11. Eyes (d1000)
12. Hand-chiseled diagram of dungeon level

Cheap Dungeon Gross-outs

2012-01-09T16:50:00.000-05:00

d12
1. The rotting pantry of the deceased hoarder-gourmet
2. Orc lavatory (as in battle, they frequently miss)
3. The Vampire Lady's champagne fountain of blood
4. The bulimic otyugh
5. Count Sadisto's skin collection showroom
6. Blood-vomiting devil children
7. The compulsory banquet of heads
8. Offal that walks like a man
9. The Inside-outers
10. Colossal turd w/ human bones in
11. Cursed folk whose organs explode forth upon the slightest touch
12. Pit trap filled with...

d12
1-2. decomposing bodies
3-4. bacterial soup
5-6. leeches
7-8. raw sewage
9-10. hungry ticks
11-12. semi-coagulated monster blood

Oddities of the Swamp

2012-01-08T09:50:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Cursed clan of amphibious dwarfs and their ruined city
2. Giant ceolacanth-like lungfish
3. Pocket-sized black puddings everywhere
4. Giant water beetle transportation and their fen-halfling masters
5. Saber-toothed fen rats
6. Flightless giant mosquitoes (feed upon swamp rhinos)
7. Tubers from giant cattail: increases vitality
8. All-knowing marsh pixie lives in mouth of colossal catfish
9. Semi-divine Wisetoad atop giant lily pad
10. Perpetually collapsing Underswamp
11. House-barge of the swamp-hag sister wives and their unholy brood
12. The Croc Rider, merciless masked avenger of the bog

Unexpected Sarcophagus Contents

2012-01-07T11:37:00.001-05:00

d12
1. Staked vampire spouses in necrotic embrace
2. Six imp-sized mummies
3. Fully animate mold-man
4. Temporarily torpid crypt ooze
5. Ash and scorching indicates fire from within
6. Ancient king's body dipped in gold
7. Extremely patient ghost awaiting transition
8. Breaking seal releases centuries-old death howl
9. A lush bed of purple night blossoms (wilts immediately)
10. Note in archaic script: "Subject 13 removed to lab"
11. Human-type skeleton with dinosaur's skull
12. Fully equipped adventurer in stasis

Ill-advised Magical Researches

2012-01-06T18:08:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Sky Chariot (engines burn sacrifices to wind gods)
2. The Mana-rod (installed in brain)
3. Alchemy toward malleable solid demon-fire
4. Project: The sword that can split the atom
5. Hybrid: chimeroblepas
6. Mind-meld with dormant volcano god
7. Force field dome sans air supply
8. Spell: Ray of Treachery
9. Potion of Permanent Enslavement
10. Giant beacon to the star gods
11. Spell: Dispel Avarice
12. Project: Terraform Hell

Famous Swords and Current Whereabouts

2012-01-05T17:43:00.001-05:00

d12
1. Hronar's Holy Brand: non-lethally embedded in demon lord
2. Chimera's Bane: at bottom of subterranean lake
3. Axmeek's Silver Avenger: lost in the Entropy Pits
4. Weirdblade: presumed eaten by serpent-dragon
5. Hrotha's Toothpick: favorite piece of loot in Frost Giant Treasury
6. The Crimson Khopesh of Aantroch: enshrined in distant temple
7. Urgontha, the Hammer of Chaos: in explosive caldera
8. Arbiter, Lawbringer of the Balance: beneath base of pyramid
9. The Great Divider: stuck in mountain's peak, constantly struck by lightning
10. Cleaver of Lies: entombed w/ revered ancient king
11. The Hairsplitter: on mantle at big city lawyer's club
12. The Sword of Form and Essence: in the Philosopher's Cave

Underworld Accommodations

2012-01-04T09:47:00.001-05:00

d12
1. Web hostel of the lawful spiders
2. Otch the Opportunistic Ogre's Stone Hut Rental
3. Guest caves of the man-ape philosopher king
4. Servant's quarters in the City of the Blind
5. Temporary encystment in giant stasis flowers
6. Temple of Neutrality (shackles/leg-irons required during stay)
7. Grey Dwarfs labor camp (room/board exchanged for 12-hour shift)
8. The Inn at the Stone Lord's Sub-citadel
9. Questing knight's embattled sanctuary
10. Slime Lodge of the sympathetic slug-folk
11. Worm-man nomads: extreme hospitality
12. Drone harem of the Yeti Queen (always hiring)

This two-bed unit offers ammenities such as hand-hewn

stone beds, a fungus and vermin-free environment, and a

better than 50% chance of making it through the night.

Dungeon Delusions

2012-01-03T18:25:00.000-05:00

d12
Subject believes...
1. Trapped in simulacrum body, real body somewhere near
2. Anybody who looks lawful must be chaotic and vice versa
3. Inheritor of deceased god's former flock/powers
4. Pixies control other party members
5. Foes can only be stopped by special song
6. Rations = poison
7. All will soon be killed by crushing air pressure in the deeps
8. Human blood = life-sustaining elixir
9. Only by betraying allies can one escape the wrath of the gods
10. Must escape dungeon, the only way out is down
11. Exposing self will aid others spiritually
12. Hysterical...
d6
1. Blindness
2. Deafness
3. Loss of touch
4. Olfactory disability
5. Loss of taste
6. All five

Note regarding the d6 subtable: I'm allowed to break my own rules, you know.

The Lich's Guest List

2012-01-02T08:01:00.000-05:00

d12
1. The Queen of the Sewer and her revolting hangers-on
2. Count Hluhlu: incomprehensible outer being posing as aristocrat
3. The pre-human ghost cabal
4. The Dastardly Gourmet and his menu of mind-control
5. Field Marshall Vlok the hill giant genius and his mixed-giant entourage
6. The godfather of organized banditry (incognito)
7. Vilizatra, The Perilous Grand Dame (she-mummy using cosmetic illusions)
8. The Face Stealer: identity thief of highest ambition
9. The Think Tank: 12 linked wizard heads in anti-necrotic soup
10. Autocrat X, the unknown lord (rules additional kingdom as The Lord in the Mask)
11. Mighty Kukrakka, the cephalopod king's ambassador
12. The astral form of Adolf Hitler

note: roll several times and assume they all hate each other equally

Unfamiliar Familiars

2012-01-01T16:16:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Hive of hornets worn as hat
2. Koi in magical glass sphere on end of staff
3. Huge leech on small of back
4. Hermit crab with steel shell
5. Large spider under clothes
6. Benevolent stomach-dwelling parasite
7. Pocket-sized clone of self
8. Sentient fungal infection
9. Talking spell book w/ego and intelligence as magic sword
10. Collective intelligence of body lice
11. Smilodon
12. Highly sophisticated sub-aqueous jelly in flask

Utterances of the Malfunctioning Magic Mouth

2011-12-31T16:35:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Divulges personal information of caster
2. Rattles off locations of unguarded treasure
3. Solves math problems with 100% accuracy
4. Topical stand up comedy routine
5. Sings lullaby ad nauseum
6. Repeatedly attempts to place dinner order
7. Warns of nearby traps
8. Dispenses monster-fighting advice straight from the MM
9. Spews incomprehensible gibberish in hysterical tone
10. Babbles a stream of cutsie-pie baby talk
11. Dictates contents of caster's spell book in repeating loop
12. Begins counting down from 100 in voice of 1950's sci-fi robot

Dungeon Audio

2011-12-30T17:36:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Ambient grinding of tectonic plates
2. Distant crowd roars in approbation
3. Colossal footfalls draw inexorably nearer
4. Just beyond sight, a chitinous skittering
5. From below: a thunderous collapse
6. A series of staccato reports
7. Echoing voice screams out praise to unknown gods
8. Ahead: the distinctively insane piping of the cube jelly
9. Human-like choir of the highest order
10. Pathetic puppy-like whimper (mating call of the tomb worm)
11. Impossibly, the sound of heavy rain and thunder
12. Unseen orchestra performs selections by Basil Poledouris

Things Washed Up on a Subterranean Beach

2011-12-29T16:43:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Chest full of theatrical costumes
2. Half-filled vial of water breathing potion
3. Dead twin aristocrats shackled together
4. Deranged merfolk beaching themselves
5. Multiple corked bottles with messages reading "Don't bother" and "Too late"
6. The body of a tree-man king
7. A well-sealed cake box (w/ intact cake)
8. Block of ice with frozen ancient astronaut
9. Super-colossal dead whale
10. Abandoned, ancient, yet entirely seaworthy vessel
11. Chest teeming with maggots and disease
12. The Sea God's key ring

Contents of the Giant's Lunchbox

2011-12-28T16:43:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Gnome-salad sandwich
2. Black pudding roll-ups
3. Marinated shriekers
4. A sack of toasted heads
5. Lower half of a dwarf, upper half of an elf
6. A disturbingly large sausage
7. Baked bones (for roughage)
8. Assorted shrubberies
9. Boneless halfling nuggets
10. A barrel of lard with unidentifiable meat chunks
11. Sashimi (actually just a big dead fish)
12. A huge stitched bladder filled with river water
note: roll several times for a well-balanced meal

Puzzling Documents Found Amongst Personal Effects

2011-12-27T17:45:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Diagrams for E-Z pyramid construction: secrets revealed!
2. Ancient vampire's obsessive listing of 1000's of victims (with ratings)
3. Schematic for trans-planar vehicle (pasted together from torn shreds)
4. Receipt for delivery of slaves signed by dragon's proxy
5. Forlorn love letters from known lich in locked and trapped coffer
6. Stacks of paper money from unknown civilization
7. Ancient treatise on the distillation of hard liquor in a demonic script
8. Ledger indicating large payouts to local mercenary leaders
9. Map of walled city with notations on weaknesses, points of entry
10. The 400 page diary of a conspiracy theory-crazed graphomaniac
11. A book of recipes for Mastodons and other Pleistocene-type mammals
12. Log book of arcane experiments (subject: enhancing magical potency of fruit flies)

Strange and Terrible Curses

2011-12-26T16:04:00.000-05:00

d12
1. The Beard of Worms
2. Stomach rumblings of evil portent
3. The Hex of Unrelenting Ennui
4. The Implacable Urge of Self-annihilation
5. The Evil Third Eye
6. The Doom of Obscurity
7. Always followed by rats
8. Victories shall be hollow
9. The Unattainable Ambition
10. The Doom of Repeated Public Humiliations
11. The Unpredictable Apoplexy
12. The Repellent Stench Unremovable

Underworld Festivals and Holy Days

2011-12-25T12:55:00.000-05:00

d12
1. The Fortnight of Perpetual Drumming
2. Gibbetfest (The Arbiter Ghost chooses who shall hang)
3. Monster Feast: edible monster hunted and BBQed
4. The Remembrance of Silent Darkness (noise and light: highly offensive)
5. All-Brawlers Eve (followed by the annual Underworld Armistice)
6. Cannibal's Regale
7. Slave's Day of Wanton Liberty (rarely observed these days)
8. Fete of the Not-quite Dead
9. Semi-annual Outcast Purge
10. Ritual Lampooning of the Surface-folk's Gods (excellent costumes)
11. Weaklings Last Gala (followed by Warband Recruitment Day)
12. The Weekend of Unlikely Alliances

Symptoms of Post-traumatic Delving Disorder

2011-12-24T08:57:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Self-medicates with constant flow of mead/ale/black lotus
2. Stirge-mania: bats at shadows, constantly scans ceiling
3. Paralyzing door paranoia: checks for traps at inn, mother's house, etc.
4. Delver's Tremor (often accompanies 1, above)
5. Back stab shock: approach from behind triggers preemptive strike
6. Laughs in the face of death way too much
7. Torch-triggered panic/catatonia
8. Stalact-o-phobia
9. Compulsive ration hoarding
10. Henchman attachment disorder (accompanied by unmanly weeping)
11. Berserker's Regret: tortured by remembrances of friendly fire
12. Sleeps with 10 foot pole

Atypical Items Found in Desk

2011-12-23T16:22:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Drawers filled with the bones of small animals
2. A golden false eye
3. A silver hand-sized harp
4. Poison ink in clearly marked bottle
5. Ladies undergarments (giantess size)
6. Receipts from demon for services rendered
7. A seven-fingered glove
8. Very active stinging ant colony
9. Metal box filled with unidentified white powder
10. Paper with designs for unknown flag or device
11. Tiny handcuffs and leg irons (one gross)
12. Dessicated hand wearing cursed ring

Reports Following Return from Negative Hit Points

2011-12-22T18:36:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Meet and greet w/ incarnations of selves past and future
2. Found self waiting in seemingly infinite celestial queue
3. Soundless black pit of oblivion
4. Embodied in form of primitive sub-aqueous jelly
5. Just about to crack the Riddle of Steel
6. Having seen reality for the dream it is, one can never be the same
7. Arrived outside the door to cyclopean mead hall: access denied
8. Almost finished spelling out "Help!" on somebody's Ouija Board
9. Descended esophagus of the Earth Serpent before regurgitated
10. Assailed momentarily by the taunts and jeers of Elysian satyrs
11. Endured meaningless dialogue w/ mournful spirits in dreary cavern
12. Full tour of the planes of existence: Gygax was right!

Outrageous Attire of the City Folk

2011-12-22T05:58:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Clothing decorated with delicately nurtured molds and fungi
2. Full body make-up + loincloth
3. Citizens festoon selves with bunko talismans of every description
4. Ridiculously baroque codpieces
5. A monocle for every occasion
6. Grotesque false noses
7. Peacock-like tail feather arrays
8. Mummified giant spider hats
9. Heavy bondage vibe: black leather, straps, buckles, spikes, dog collars, etc.
10. Men, women and children girded for battle 24/7
11. The measure of a man: mustachio size
12. Lowest caste in hierarchy: the pantsless ones

Weird Perils in the Forest

2011-12-21T07:19:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Genocide war in progress: pixies vs. fairies
2. Pick-pocket squirrels and the Fagin-like treeman who protects/exploits them
3. The Skunk Whisperer and her reeking horde
4. The Leaf-covered Lord lies inert surrounded by worshipful druid/botanists
5. Canopy-dwelling Wise Monkeys
6. Log tower of the giant forester ants
7. Vampire chipmunks
8. Warband of Pygmies and their 9 ft. tall demigod champion
9. The Parliament of Ungulates
10. War profiteer with cargo of tiny weapons
11. Vengeful psychic tree fungus colony looking to hire assassins
12. Hidden enclave of perpetually drunken elves

Peculiar Laws and Customs of the City Folk

2011-12-20T07:25:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Compulsory singing of national anthem/fight song thrice daily
2. Incomprehensibly byzantine dietary restrictions based on astrology
3. Elaborate hand-jive accompanies all social interactions
4. Laughter forbidden: citizens strike themselves instead
5. Spectacle-addled society addicted to staged giant monster combats
6. All laws subject to debate when invoked, crowd adjudicates
7. First bite of food chewed and spat out to honor fallen homies
8. Greeting: slap in the face
9. Everyone wears see-through sarongs, PDA omnipresent
10. Unspeakable personal hygiene hallmark of high society
11. Mandatory meditation upon sounding of colossal gong
12. Gods venerated before, during and after every conversation

Underworld Sporting Events

2011-12-19T07:07:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Poison drinking contest
2. The Chasm Leap
3. Giant spider web escape
4. Live pin bowling
5. The Obstacle Course of Certain Death
6. Abyssal scavenger hunt
7. Ballista bolt catch
8. Nightmare-drawn chariot race
9. Ironskull, the game of withstanding head blows
10. Mad ape wrestling
11. The pudding jump
12. Purple worm rodeo

Unusual Dungeon Pets

2011-12-18T09:01:00.001-05:00

d12
1. Giant paramecium in tank (eats goldfish)
2. Moon cat (lives on ceiling)
3. Herd of micro-horses in scenic terrarium
4. Chimp bodyguard in custom plate armor
5. Overweight giant spider, very friendly, likes to nuzzle
6. Collection of living disembodied heads
7. Dentured ocelot on a leash
8. Pet boulder (a lively conversationalist according to owner)
9. Baluchitherium in specially maintained enviro-cave
10. Giant walking catfish
11. Fully-functional miniature pet volcano
12. Chihuahua/hell-hound hybrid

Totally gratuitous petsploitation pic

Unfathomable Deities

2011-12-17T20:15:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Oon the Enumerator, god of computation
2. Lashetag, the bat-god of blindness
3. Cerebrus, the god of mind
4. The Seven Lords of the Fen
5. Erronius the Sultan of Blunder
6. Lugubrus of the Many Tongues
7. The Lord of Five Fingers
8. Surrus the Wheel God of Progress
9. Grappa the Drunken Healer
10. Praganon of the Word
11. Shagor the Master of Size
12. Blobamus Prime

Unknown Spells

2011-12-05T17:19:00.000-05:00

d12
1. Liquefaction of Bone
2. Phran-dahl's Face Eraser
3. Malicious Marring of the Exquisite
4. Excellent Ray of Nudity
5. Oxfam's Handy Head Expander
6. The Stench of Unknown Origin
7. Twelve Dancing Centipedes
8. Xix's Automatic Nervous Breakdown
9. Phreen's Humiliating Rictus
10. Ray of Obsequiousness
11. Fong's Expeditious Beard Lengthener
12. Galadigrius' Esoteric Inquiry

Dungeon Corpses

2011-12-04T18:23:00.003-05:00

d12
1. Dead thief collapsed half-way through a secret door
2. Eleven dead man-apes covered with sucker marks
3. Three dessicated husks of the dwarfish persuasion
4. Human-type creature blasted to tiny bits
5. The head of a hill giant with a message in his teeth
6. Area filled with reeking/disintegrating horror of ichor and tentacles
7. Five bandits and their leader fallen upon own swords
8. Three ornately armored warriors crushed almost flat
9. Two green halfling bodies still clutching their throats
10. Beheaded dragon (loot free)
11. Spear-impaled berserker with sword thrust through face of adjacent berserk
12. Wizard with smoking neck-stump