d12
1. Deactivates all dungeon deathtraps when turned in security box on deepest dungeon level
2. For enchanted giant manacles restraining super-powerful/insane demigod
3. Activates/deactivates magical giant robot, keyhole in back of head, right behind stag beetle-like mandibles of steel
4. Ignition key for self-propelled mine cart of the tinker dwarfs, huge payload capacity, capable of breakneck speeds, poor cornering ability
5. Invisible keyhole in wall opens door to DMs pet alternate campaign setting
6. Opens lock box containing secret instructions left by extinct star-dwellers to prevent otherwise imminent galactic collision
7. Unlocks magical cage imprisoning relatively minor corporeal manifestation of death god
8. Grants access to the most magnificent lavatory facilities yet conceived
9. Opens padlock securing chains around cabinet loaded with priceless collectible torture implements from ancient culture of unsurpassed sadism
10. Inserting into keyhole on boulder activates metamorphosis into animate bodyguard of stone
11. Fits in any keyhole, locks permanently if turned
12. Toggles good/evil setting for biomechanical mind-enhancing implant in sorcerer's head
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
On Pain of Death
To combat player indecision/lassitude, the local monarch has a mandatory dungeon mission.
d12
1. Find the dungeon's deepest well, extract and return with one bucket-full of the primordial goo at well bottom
2. Princeling telepathically calls out for aid, stuck in a covered pit in a hallway filled with same on third level
3. Deliver ransom to Dungeon Overlord and retrieve hostage (royal chef of surpassing talent), time is of the essence!
4. Discover entrances and map entirety of level three in preparation for mass assault by Royal Commandos, remain undetected, no witnesses
5. Give the quasi-lich his powerful ancient relic back stat so he'll cool it with the plagues and curses
6. Capture and return with previously unknown species of ooze for important arcane research project
7. Assassinate turncoat court vizier currently in the employ of Dungeon Overlord
8. Deliver flowers and chocolate to medusa for love-sick bachelor monarch, she will be the one who wears her snakes in elaborate braided updo
9. Steal single tooth from venerable dragon on level eight without awakening the menace, good news: magical anesthetic, teeth falling out anyway, not-so-good: dragon worshipped by humanoid cult famous for vigilance, dedication to duty
10. Negotiate contract with mercenary band of bloodthirsty humanoids on level two, do not alert rival humanoids on level one
11. Sow seeds of insurrection by revealing captured plans of Dungeon Overlord to various factions noted as "entirely expendable", limit looting, slay only as necessary
12. Deposit arcane explosive device on deepest dungeon level then get the hell out
d12
1. Find the dungeon's deepest well, extract and return with one bucket-full of the primordial goo at well bottom
2. Princeling telepathically calls out for aid, stuck in a covered pit in a hallway filled with same on third level
3. Deliver ransom to Dungeon Overlord and retrieve hostage (royal chef of surpassing talent), time is of the essence!
4. Discover entrances and map entirety of level three in preparation for mass assault by Royal Commandos, remain undetected, no witnesses
5. Give the quasi-lich his powerful ancient relic back stat so he'll cool it with the plagues and curses
6. Capture and return with previously unknown species of ooze for important arcane research project
7. Assassinate turncoat court vizier currently in the employ of Dungeon Overlord
8. Deliver flowers and chocolate to medusa for love-sick bachelor monarch, she will be the one who wears her snakes in elaborate braided updo
9. Steal single tooth from venerable dragon on level eight without awakening the menace, good news: magical anesthetic, teeth falling out anyway, not-so-good: dragon worshipped by humanoid cult famous for vigilance, dedication to duty
10. Negotiate contract with mercenary band of bloodthirsty humanoids on level two, do not alert rival humanoids on level one
11. Sow seeds of insurrection by revealing captured plans of Dungeon Overlord to various factions noted as "entirely expendable", limit looting, slay only as necessary
12. Deposit arcane explosive device on deepest dungeon level then get the hell out
Monday, November 25, 2013
ONLY DRAGONS GET CRITICAL HIT TABLES!
WARNING: GROSS
Claw, claw
d12
1. Swipe smashes jaw, pulps face, power of speech temporarily destroyed, even magical healing cannot restore the PC to original beauty
2. All raiment/armor rent, subject left totally nude, humiliated
3. Flung 12d12 feet in random direction, additional plummeting damage
4. Seized in claw and squeezed for double damage, bones mashed, innards liquefied in one round unless PC somehow effects escape
5. Carotid artery and jugular vein simultaneously compromised resulting in spectacular jetting bleed out in 3 rounds
6. Claw enters mouth, exits brain-case, instant death
7. Disemboweled with intestines tangled in claw, double damage, its a hell of position to be in
8. Claws impale chest, saving throw or instant death, otherwise dragged around or smashed into comrades until somehow dislodged
9. 1d4 random limbs go flying off
10. Dragon punch: instant KO, two black eyes, broken nose, PC hurtles off into space, smashing into any solid object in trajectory for additional damage
11. Stomp out: subject smashed to ground, extra damage if wearing stiff armor, 1d4 limbs broken
12. Sliced clean through, subject split from crown to crotch, momentary pause for final utterance before falling to pieces
Bite
d12
1. Single fang through the brain, if victim survives: personality, mental capacities permanently changed
2. Dragon gets a good grinding chew in before letting go, double damage
3. Bites off the hand/arm holding the weapon/magic item of greatest use against the dragon, swallows hard, grins
4. Limb seized, victim flung into ceiling (if outdoors, smashed into the ground) for extra bonus impact damage
5. Bitten around torso, victim must somehow escape the next round or be chomped in half
6. Snips off random limb and down the hatch quick as you like
7. Victim impaled on fang and stuck fast, dragon gets automatic claw, claw attack to shed the attachment
8. The old bite and shake: no one ever survives that but PCs are special so you get a saving throw, success indicates double damage
9. Takes a huge chunk out of neck and shoulder, bleed out in three rounds
10. Face raked with rasped tongue, flesh sheered off leaving only skull and goggling eyes
11. Swallowed whole, straight down the gullet, could possibly trigger involuntary eruption of breath weapon, otherwise it's off to the gizzard for a sound thrashing
12. Head bitten off, chewed, spat out at comrades' feet
Claw, claw
d12
1. Swipe smashes jaw, pulps face, power of speech temporarily destroyed, even magical healing cannot restore the PC to original beauty
2. All raiment/armor rent, subject left totally nude, humiliated
3. Flung 12d12 feet in random direction, additional plummeting damage
4. Seized in claw and squeezed for double damage, bones mashed, innards liquefied in one round unless PC somehow effects escape
5. Carotid artery and jugular vein simultaneously compromised resulting in spectacular jetting bleed out in 3 rounds
6. Claw enters mouth, exits brain-case, instant death
7. Disemboweled with intestines tangled in claw, double damage, its a hell of position to be in
8. Claws impale chest, saving throw or instant death, otherwise dragged around or smashed into comrades until somehow dislodged
9. 1d4 random limbs go flying off
10. Dragon punch: instant KO, two black eyes, broken nose, PC hurtles off into space, smashing into any solid object in trajectory for additional damage
11. Stomp out: subject smashed to ground, extra damage if wearing stiff armor, 1d4 limbs broken
12. Sliced clean through, subject split from crown to crotch, momentary pause for final utterance before falling to pieces
Bite
d12
1. Single fang through the brain, if victim survives: personality, mental capacities permanently changed
2. Dragon gets a good grinding chew in before letting go, double damage
3. Bites off the hand/arm holding the weapon/magic item of greatest use against the dragon, swallows hard, grins
4. Limb seized, victim flung into ceiling (if outdoors, smashed into the ground) for extra bonus impact damage
5. Bitten around torso, victim must somehow escape the next round or be chomped in half
6. Snips off random limb and down the hatch quick as you like
7. Victim impaled on fang and stuck fast, dragon gets automatic claw, claw attack to shed the attachment
8. The old bite and shake: no one ever survives that but PCs are special so you get a saving throw, success indicates double damage
9. Takes a huge chunk out of neck and shoulder, bleed out in three rounds
10. Face raked with rasped tongue, flesh sheered off leaving only skull and goggling eyes
11. Swallowed whole, straight down the gullet, could possibly trigger involuntary eruption of breath weapon, otherwise it's off to the gizzard for a sound thrashing
12. Head bitten off, chewed, spat out at comrades' feet
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Wandering Sorcerers
d12
1. Vulnok the Vain: mirrored shades, luxurious blond hair swept up into shape of conical wizard's hat, rides in majestic pose atop the shoulders of his powerful dwarf bearer in fashionable armor, spell book loaded w/arcane beauty aids
2. Hyrantides the Tremulous: wears living cloak of protection fashioned of self-repairing fungi, anticipates incoming blows and bunches up to reduce damage to host, hat and shoulders covered with growth of miniature shriekers triggered by penetration of personal space
3. Eeyika-ah, the Master of Levitation: legs shrivelled from disuse, train of gear follows along behind in mid-air, in constant deep meditative state, speaks from mystic second mouth in forehead
4. Proposus the Pliable: extensible rubber-like arms can conduct business up to 20' away, snake around in the air to form mystic signs and sigils of power
5. Frokulon of Frand: animate beard, provides gestural component to spell casting, unfurls scrolls, makes notations in spell book, hands free to get stabby with twin ebon demon-daggers
6. K'lolos the Cursed: jaw and mouth resemble that of shark, must eat unbelievable quantities of human flesh to sustain sorcerous might, travels with personal chef liberated from Cannibal Isle and pressed into service, must collect and consume large number of perfectly pure hearts and brains unsullied by wickedness for cure, logbook shows good progress but still long way to go
7. Veletrix the Green: half-man, half-vegetable as a result of successful bid to extend natural life, if human half killed by violence constantly regenerating veg half takes over gleefully to exact vengeance on all meat-devils
8. Gorofrond Oozefriend: guarded by faithful gelatinous sphere that self-inflates into escape dirigible upon command, may vomit up rainbow choice of variety of oozes for every occasion thrice daily
9. Eendros the Calamity-weaver: handsome, youthful head transplanted onto towering mummy body, speaks in garbled mishmash of tongues, knows all the death spells, can throw blocks of masonry as hill giant
10. Thruun Boltrider: obsessed with lightning spells, entire spell-book loaded with variations on the theme, thick rubber gloves/boots, eyes crackle with electricity, nervous around water
11. Mad Murthrin: involuntarily projects demi-material hallucinations, surrounded by swirling cloud of tiny demonic advisers issuing put-downs, seems friendly but lashes out without warning
12. Tundolu Two-heads: first head wears wizard hat, second head gagged and blindfolded, if blindfold removed issues bolts of reality-tearing energy that rapidly tunnel through to adjacent dimensions, if un-gagged hollers obscenity-laden revelations re: the true nature of the universe
1. Vulnok the Vain: mirrored shades, luxurious blond hair swept up into shape of conical wizard's hat, rides in majestic pose atop the shoulders of his powerful dwarf bearer in fashionable armor, spell book loaded w/arcane beauty aids
2. Hyrantides the Tremulous: wears living cloak of protection fashioned of self-repairing fungi, anticipates incoming blows and bunches up to reduce damage to host, hat and shoulders covered with growth of miniature shriekers triggered by penetration of personal space
3. Eeyika-ah, the Master of Levitation: legs shrivelled from disuse, train of gear follows along behind in mid-air, in constant deep meditative state, speaks from mystic second mouth in forehead
4. Proposus the Pliable: extensible rubber-like arms can conduct business up to 20' away, snake around in the air to form mystic signs and sigils of power
5. Frokulon of Frand: animate beard, provides gestural component to spell casting, unfurls scrolls, makes notations in spell book, hands free to get stabby with twin ebon demon-daggers
6. K'lolos the Cursed: jaw and mouth resemble that of shark, must eat unbelievable quantities of human flesh to sustain sorcerous might, travels with personal chef liberated from Cannibal Isle and pressed into service, must collect and consume large number of perfectly pure hearts and brains unsullied by wickedness for cure, logbook shows good progress but still long way to go
7. Veletrix the Green: half-man, half-vegetable as a result of successful bid to extend natural life, if human half killed by violence constantly regenerating veg half takes over gleefully to exact vengeance on all meat-devils
8. Gorofrond Oozefriend: guarded by faithful gelatinous sphere that self-inflates into escape dirigible upon command, may vomit up rainbow choice of variety of oozes for every occasion thrice daily
9. Eendros the Calamity-weaver: handsome, youthful head transplanted onto towering mummy body, speaks in garbled mishmash of tongues, knows all the death spells, can throw blocks of masonry as hill giant
10. Thruun Boltrider: obsessed with lightning spells, entire spell-book loaded with variations on the theme, thick rubber gloves/boots, eyes crackle with electricity, nervous around water
11. Mad Murthrin: involuntarily projects demi-material hallucinations, surrounded by swirling cloud of tiny demonic advisers issuing put-downs, seems friendly but lashes out without warning
12. Tundolu Two-heads: first head wears wizard hat, second head gagged and blindfolded, if blindfold removed issues bolts of reality-tearing energy that rapidly tunnel through to adjacent dimensions, if un-gagged hollers obscenity-laden revelations re: the true nature of the universe
Thursday, November 21, 2013
On The King's Highway
d12
1. Mounted messenger, half-crazed, at full gallop bearing entirely false report of zombie apocalypse
2. Wagon train full of circus performers led by the World's Tallest Halfling, bearer of enchanted monster-repelling amulet
3. Broken mercenary war band, barely enough men on their feet to bear the fallen upon their shields, unconscious wizard employer in critical condition, returning to HQ to extract payment from next of kin
4. Royal archaeologist and swarm of grad students excavate section of road where, if their wild extrapolations from scanty physical evidence are correct, the bones and legendary war-kit of an ancient hero remain undisturbed
5. Battle-nurse in gleaming mail w/enchanted bludgeon of purification travels w/squad of armed aides to site of duel to save the life of stricken noble
6. Stampeding war-horses with only the smoldering hips and legs of their riders remaining
7. Creaking wooden wagon-tower drawn by huge cat, self-luminous green witch in black leather peers out from battlement, gleefully accosts passersby, hands out boons or banes at whim
8. Culinary wizard in mystic robes, extra-tall chef hat, sets out for famine-struck province to proliferate hardy edible fungus, current generation produces semi-disturbing side-effects
9. Public health official returning from investigation of plague outbreak in the grain-producing provinces, doesn't feel so hot himself
10. Wicked sorcerer wearing aviators goggles and scarf test pilots all-terrain necro-mobile propelled by scads of disembodied human legs, performance exceeds expectations, emits howls of self-satisfied laughter
11. Famous demigod seething with rage after learning of human mother's horrible fate: devoured by divine father, en route to holy mountain to destroy the terrifying old man, welcomes any brave enough to come along
12. Disgraced former Dungeon Overlord w/ragtag band of various monsters, slithers off after disastrous raid by super-powerful adventurers, seeks cozy little cave complex in the country in need of strong leadership
1. Mounted messenger, half-crazed, at full gallop bearing entirely false report of zombie apocalypse
2. Wagon train full of circus performers led by the World's Tallest Halfling, bearer of enchanted monster-repelling amulet
3. Broken mercenary war band, barely enough men on their feet to bear the fallen upon their shields, unconscious wizard employer in critical condition, returning to HQ to extract payment from next of kin
4. Royal archaeologist and swarm of grad students excavate section of road where, if their wild extrapolations from scanty physical evidence are correct, the bones and legendary war-kit of an ancient hero remain undisturbed
5. Battle-nurse in gleaming mail w/enchanted bludgeon of purification travels w/squad of armed aides to site of duel to save the life of stricken noble
6. Stampeding war-horses with only the smoldering hips and legs of their riders remaining
7. Creaking wooden wagon-tower drawn by huge cat, self-luminous green witch in black leather peers out from battlement, gleefully accosts passersby, hands out boons or banes at whim
8. Culinary wizard in mystic robes, extra-tall chef hat, sets out for famine-struck province to proliferate hardy edible fungus, current generation produces semi-disturbing side-effects
9. Public health official returning from investigation of plague outbreak in the grain-producing provinces, doesn't feel so hot himself
10. Wicked sorcerer wearing aviators goggles and scarf test pilots all-terrain necro-mobile propelled by scads of disembodied human legs, performance exceeds expectations, emits howls of self-satisfied laughter
11. Famous demigod seething with rage after learning of human mother's horrible fate: devoured by divine father, en route to holy mountain to destroy the terrifying old man, welcomes any brave enough to come along
12. Disgraced former Dungeon Overlord w/ragtag band of various monsters, slithers off after disastrous raid by super-powerful adventurers, seeks cozy little cave complex in the country in need of strong leadership
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Drunk Jerks With Swords
Random encounters in the saloon
d12
1. Sweaty, brutish lout fresh from the wilderness in owlbear-skin suit, giant moustache, smells like beef jerky, utters continuous hate speech against demihumans/savages/foreigners
2. Tall, slender but w/ sinews like steel bands, mismatched bits of gear and armor from defeated foes, despises holy men and paladins because who do they think they are?
3. Scarred escapee from generations of servitude would gleefully hack member of gentry at any opportunity, froths at any obsequious displays, counsels hirelings/henchmen to abandon their masters, collection of teeth knocked out of noble heads
4. Old warrior, too broke to retire, shrivelled but w/ highly refined murder skills, wracking cough, likes to pick on the weak, issues stream of insult comic jabs until target provoked, hides behind lout in entry 1
5. Bloated creep, trickle of saliva from slack lip, incredibly strong but only good for about a minute of combat before wheezing, challenges big guys to feats of strength w/heavy wagering, trash talk, won't pay out if defeated because victor must have cheated
6. Paranoid fighter w/one giant hand won't stop talking about the red reptilians who actually control everything, takes challenges to world view as personal affront
7. Charred fireball survivor can smell a magic-user a stone's throw away and unwilling to take any chances
8. Barrel-bellied gentleman, plate armor straining to contain ever expanding girth, feels all disputes should be resolved via competitive drinking
9. Constable relieved of duties after questionable handling of arrest would love to vent spleen in violent outburst, but to do so lawfully must be struck first
10. Well-spoken cretin espouses half-baked barroom Social Darwinism, goes on at length about how the poor get what they deserve
11. Famous local outlaw fresh from the tailor in fashionable togs, drops silver indiscriminately, gleefully buys round after round, involuntarily hinting at big score he's not supposed to talk about
12. Beloved hero of the previous decade, once-resplendent martial gear now stained and rusty, a bit weird after the dragon bit his head, staggers into people at random w/jostling force, demands apology, saloon patrons very protective
Saturday, November 16, 2013
In the Marketplace
d12
1. Butcher w/variety of Underworld meats, dubious sausages, menacing terrines, weird pâté, will pay bounty for reasonably fresh monster corpses
2. Kiosk occupied by capitalist sorcerer selling horses w/full tack shrunken to chihuahua size, resume full stature upon command, comes with reinforced backpack habitarium, tiny bales of feed, extremely pricey
3. Entirely corrupt Royal Inspectors w/squad of elite soldiers shake down dealers, accept only the juiciest of bribes, add arbitrary transaction fees to deals-in-progress, universal acclaim to any who could make this menace disappear
4. Illegal dungeon intoxicant salesman on home-crafted in-line skates zooms around openly pitching wares, issues obscene gestures to 3, above
5. Gnarly-looking tattooist, shirtless, broad grin reveals decorative faux fangs, shaved hairless but for multi-pronged goatee, inked from crown to crotch in riot of styles, art samples on stretched human skin, audible groans from within tent enclosure
6. Ambush cleric of the mighty god of beat-downs: magically conceals self, beans chosen subject w/mace, subsequently revived in back alley under full proselytizing assault
7. Bearded witch under black tarp will curse enemies for cash, outcomes range from minor skin eruptions to howling madness to lethal afflictions, priced accordingly
8. Foreign vendor sells unusual footwear, mostly mundane w/extremely pointy toes, new line of troll-rubber boots that never wear out, enhance sneakiness
9. Levitating mystic w/brass bowl full of coins, opens eyes and issues single dark oracular statement only if exact change deposited
10. Multiple dealers offer stilts and grotesque papier mâché heads to mark upcoming Festival of the Giants
11. Squad of ex-hirelings w/visible wounds selling off goods from party of adventurers killed by poison gas trap, partial dungeon map among items, other tips available for cash payment, will never ever venture below again
12. Dungeon crawl puppet show, picaresque featuring Quazemax the quasi-lich's underworld conquests, magically enhanced production values, buckets of gore, demographic appears to comprise children/simplest louts and warriors, watching entire program yields 1d12 mostly true dungeon rumors
1. Butcher w/variety of Underworld meats, dubious sausages, menacing terrines, weird pâté, will pay bounty for reasonably fresh monster corpses
2. Kiosk occupied by capitalist sorcerer selling horses w/full tack shrunken to chihuahua size, resume full stature upon command, comes with reinforced backpack habitarium, tiny bales of feed, extremely pricey
3. Entirely corrupt Royal Inspectors w/squad of elite soldiers shake down dealers, accept only the juiciest of bribes, add arbitrary transaction fees to deals-in-progress, universal acclaim to any who could make this menace disappear
4. Illegal dungeon intoxicant salesman on home-crafted in-line skates zooms around openly pitching wares, issues obscene gestures to 3, above
5. Gnarly-looking tattooist, shirtless, broad grin reveals decorative faux fangs, shaved hairless but for multi-pronged goatee, inked from crown to crotch in riot of styles, art samples on stretched human skin, audible groans from within tent enclosure
6. Ambush cleric of the mighty god of beat-downs: magically conceals self, beans chosen subject w/mace, subsequently revived in back alley under full proselytizing assault
7. Bearded witch under black tarp will curse enemies for cash, outcomes range from minor skin eruptions to howling madness to lethal afflictions, priced accordingly
8. Foreign vendor sells unusual footwear, mostly mundane w/extremely pointy toes, new line of troll-rubber boots that never wear out, enhance sneakiness
9. Levitating mystic w/brass bowl full of coins, opens eyes and issues single dark oracular statement only if exact change deposited
10. Multiple dealers offer stilts and grotesque papier mâché heads to mark upcoming Festival of the Giants
11. Squad of ex-hirelings w/visible wounds selling off goods from party of adventurers killed by poison gas trap, partial dungeon map among items, other tips available for cash payment, will never ever venture below again
12. Dungeon crawl puppet show, picaresque featuring Quazemax the quasi-lich's underworld conquests, magically enhanced production values, buckets of gore, demographic appears to comprise children/simplest louts and warriors, watching entire program yields 1d12 mostly true dungeon rumors
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
NPC Encounters: In the City Temple
d12
1. Semi-deranged senior citizen had lengthy conversation with some devil or other through her hovel's only door, many disturbing revelations, next visit promised for midnight
2. Philosopher-mage hostile to all religion about to get removed/killed by temple security, hollers out half-crazed/half-sensible diatribe for the abolition of the gods, claims to have concocted new magical argument that will dispel deities if only it can be delivered on their home turf
3. Gaggle of children of high station under tutelage of supremely dangerous monk get first hand lesson on manipulating the masses, tailed by shadowy bat-winged thralls of powerful witch w/ambitious kidnapping scheme
4. Extremely ancient vampire, seen it all, done it all, now looking to end it all
5. Semi-repentant libertine, still at least partially stupefied by recent binge gets the hard sell from clergy, veteran of expedition to local dungeon, knows location of pain in ass treasure
6. Forest ape of above average intellect trying to get a grip on the concept, convinced religiosity is the key by which human nature will at last become comprehensible, but if not, his fellows are correct, humanity must be destroyed
7. Seasoned assassin fresh from gig, immune from prosecution while on temple grounds, performs ritual cleanse followed by fortnight of fasting/meditation, then its off to whack some corrupt official, could maybe use a hand with house guards for cut of astonishing fee
8. Local nobles making customary obeisances and nominal tithes while looking down noses at common rabble, purses fat with filthy lucre, take one look at the PCs and hop back in their palanquins
9. Human trafficker, heavily armed crew of cutthroats w/covered wagon-load of candidates for human sacrifice must have taken a wrong turn somewhere
10. Enshrouded victim of terrible dungeon plague short on time, short on cash for required healing, survivor of ill-fated expedition to nearby dungeon, will trade underworld secrets/rumors for gold
11. Celebrity guest preacher actually magically disguised agent of chaos ready to unleash powers of mind-control on congregation, then begin killing temple clergy one-by-one
12. Sorcerer, beady eyes streaming bitter tears, seeks absolution for crimes against nature, swears off pursuit of the dark arts, renounces worldly possessions including fully stocked tower loaded with magic items (does not mention host of terrifying abominations at liberty within), tears raiment, self-flagellates before shrivelling like a punctured balloon in a black cloud of foulness
1. Semi-deranged senior citizen had lengthy conversation with some devil or other through her hovel's only door, many disturbing revelations, next visit promised for midnight
2. Philosopher-mage hostile to all religion about to get removed/killed by temple security, hollers out half-crazed/half-sensible diatribe for the abolition of the gods, claims to have concocted new magical argument that will dispel deities if only it can be delivered on their home turf
3. Gaggle of children of high station under tutelage of supremely dangerous monk get first hand lesson on manipulating the masses, tailed by shadowy bat-winged thralls of powerful witch w/ambitious kidnapping scheme
4. Extremely ancient vampire, seen it all, done it all, now looking to end it all
5. Semi-repentant libertine, still at least partially stupefied by recent binge gets the hard sell from clergy, veteran of expedition to local dungeon, knows location of pain in ass treasure
6. Forest ape of above average intellect trying to get a grip on the concept, convinced religiosity is the key by which human nature will at last become comprehensible, but if not, his fellows are correct, humanity must be destroyed
7. Seasoned assassin fresh from gig, immune from prosecution while on temple grounds, performs ritual cleanse followed by fortnight of fasting/meditation, then its off to whack some corrupt official, could maybe use a hand with house guards for cut of astonishing fee
8. Local nobles making customary obeisances and nominal tithes while looking down noses at common rabble, purses fat with filthy lucre, take one look at the PCs and hop back in their palanquins
9. Human trafficker, heavily armed crew of cutthroats w/covered wagon-load of candidates for human sacrifice must have taken a wrong turn somewhere
10. Enshrouded victim of terrible dungeon plague short on time, short on cash for required healing, survivor of ill-fated expedition to nearby dungeon, will trade underworld secrets/rumors for gold
11. Celebrity guest preacher actually magically disguised agent of chaos ready to unleash powers of mind-control on congregation, then begin killing temple clergy one-by-one
12. Sorcerer, beady eyes streaming bitter tears, seeks absolution for crimes against nature, swears off pursuit of the dark arts, renounces worldly possessions including fully stocked tower loaded with magic items (does not mention host of terrifying abominations at liberty within), tears raiment, self-flagellates before shrivelling like a punctured balloon in a black cloud of foulness
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
NPC Encounters: In the Palace
d12
1. Impostor noble from distant kingdom imposing on hospitality of court: trickster looking to ingratiate, befriend, romance then bilk, borrow, steal, slither off into the night, always looks sharp: ancient magical toga transmutes into any desired raiment once daily
2. League of Evil Physicians chief prepares operating theater for demonstration of novel surgical techniques featuring judicious use of lab-developed slimes, puddings, and jellies
3. Small time arms dealer trying to make the big time, recent alliance w/shady dwarf clan using slave labor to triple output of cheap knockoffs of legendary dwarf war products, samples look terrific
4. Assassin disguised as greatest pastry chef in the land, works in seclusion to prepare colossal cake for prince's birthday, actually frosting covered nail bomb
5. High priest of burgeoning Underworld cult and motley entourage inflict their beastly company upon court, petitioning for mutual non-aggression pact w/the realm, believed to have scads of bejewelled gifts/bribe monies standing by in chambers
6. Traitorous yet super-competent major domo, belittled by the royals for the final time, dying to inject disruptive mayhem into courtly life, PCs look like just the patsies to get things going
7. Eligible young noble, exceedingly well connected and in line for wealth/power, interested in pursuing brief romance with random PC in a ploy to draw out idle suitors of a more desirous variety, once attention garnered instantly discards PC w/public accusations of unsavory conduct
8. Powerful witch in guise of faith healer/spiritual guru to the young nobles, sows the seeds of subtle mind control for the day when the children will destroy their parents and she will harness the potency of this bloodshed to call down her dark masters from the stars
9. Friend of a friend of a hanger-on to the staff of a major noble, also expert duellist, looking for opportunity to make a big splash to kick off campaign of status elevation
10. Thousand year old demigod, somewhat diminished by age but still tremendously scary, showed up drunk and took a wing of the palace for personal use, the royals would love to be rid of the menace
11. Venerable ex-court vizier, forced into retirement by ambitious apprentice, doddering, forgetting spells, now secretly hiring swords to exact his terrible vengeance
12. Mighty hero of the realm, returned from mind-bending sojourn into some Hell or other, armor crafted of green leviathan chitin, wicked radiant war-cleaver sidearm, refuses to remove helmet or speak, takes nourishment through mouth slit, squire cautions everyone against sudden moves
1. Impostor noble from distant kingdom imposing on hospitality of court: trickster looking to ingratiate, befriend, romance then bilk, borrow, steal, slither off into the night, always looks sharp: ancient magical toga transmutes into any desired raiment once daily
2. League of Evil Physicians chief prepares operating theater for demonstration of novel surgical techniques featuring judicious use of lab-developed slimes, puddings, and jellies
3. Small time arms dealer trying to make the big time, recent alliance w/shady dwarf clan using slave labor to triple output of cheap knockoffs of legendary dwarf war products, samples look terrific
4. Assassin disguised as greatest pastry chef in the land, works in seclusion to prepare colossal cake for prince's birthday, actually frosting covered nail bomb
5. High priest of burgeoning Underworld cult and motley entourage inflict their beastly company upon court, petitioning for mutual non-aggression pact w/the realm, believed to have scads of bejewelled gifts/bribe monies standing by in chambers
6. Traitorous yet super-competent major domo, belittled by the royals for the final time, dying to inject disruptive mayhem into courtly life, PCs look like just the patsies to get things going
7. Eligible young noble, exceedingly well connected and in line for wealth/power, interested in pursuing brief romance with random PC in a ploy to draw out idle suitors of a more desirous variety, once attention garnered instantly discards PC w/public accusations of unsavory conduct
8. Powerful witch in guise of faith healer/spiritual guru to the young nobles, sows the seeds of subtle mind control for the day when the children will destroy their parents and she will harness the potency of this bloodshed to call down her dark masters from the stars
9. Friend of a friend of a hanger-on to the staff of a major noble, also expert duellist, looking for opportunity to make a big splash to kick off campaign of status elevation
10. Thousand year old demigod, somewhat diminished by age but still tremendously scary, showed up drunk and took a wing of the palace for personal use, the royals would love to be rid of the menace
11. Venerable ex-court vizier, forced into retirement by ambitious apprentice, doddering, forgetting spells, now secretly hiring swords to exact his terrible vengeance
12. Mighty hero of the realm, returned from mind-bending sojourn into some Hell or other, armor crafted of green leviathan chitin, wicked radiant war-cleaver sidearm, refuses to remove helmet or speak, takes nourishment through mouth slit, squire cautions everyone against sudden moves
Monday, November 11, 2013
More Big City Street Weirdos
d12
1. Human obstacle: this hulking fellow, once-great warrior dinged in the helmet by a giant, affable at first, simply will not get out of the way, throngs of city folk sympathetic to his plight give wide berth
2. Artificial sheriff: crude handmade badge of station, tattered raiment in imitation of city constabulary, speech like movie Frankenstein, attempts to place random party member under arrest for crimes indecipherable
3. Lady who SCREEEEAAAMMMSS everything she says, generally gets all the way up in grill before letting loose paranoid diatribe describing current city officials as patsies for vampire cabal
4. Peculiar, slightly smelly fellow with no discernible skills or profession who really wants to be friends very badly, persistent, ingratiating, offers self up as retainer happy to perform the lowliest of tasks
5. Genius street urchin who learned charm person from senile magic user
6. Charming old lady who used to be a badass fighter must eat gold to live, metabolism permanently changed by encounter with the legendary Gold River of the Underworld, she's full of stories but expensive tastes must be indulged
7. Suspiciously pale performer actually controlled by vampire monkey sidekick
8. Ol' Snakepockets: reputable breeder specialising in deadly vipers, literally squirming at all times w/ 2d12 living snakes around neck, up sleeves, in pants, hair, headgear, etc.
9. Mighty-looking beggar warrior w/compulsive gambling issue saving up coppers to get sword out of hock, would appreciate help in exchange for services
10. Street surgeon: expelled from academy for outlandish (frequently correct) theories, highly successful secret practice responsible for refurbishing criminal element, provides healing, cures diseases non-magically, barter system, sewer-level offices stuffed with stolen trinkets/magic items
11. World's smallest halfling:almost a foot tall, massive sideburns, bloated, appears ungainly but scampers like anything, catches rats with teeth, looking for work, voice like James Earl Jones
12. Man under witch's curse: skin perpetually bursts into flames, lives in water filled-barrel, street folk bring him victuals, warm themselves
1. Human obstacle: this hulking fellow, once-great warrior dinged in the helmet by a giant, affable at first, simply will not get out of the way, throngs of city folk sympathetic to his plight give wide berth
2. Artificial sheriff: crude handmade badge of station, tattered raiment in imitation of city constabulary, speech like movie Frankenstein, attempts to place random party member under arrest for crimes indecipherable
3. Lady who SCREEEEAAAMMMSS everything she says, generally gets all the way up in grill before letting loose paranoid diatribe describing current city officials as patsies for vampire cabal
4. Peculiar, slightly smelly fellow with no discernible skills or profession who really wants to be friends very badly, persistent, ingratiating, offers self up as retainer happy to perform the lowliest of tasks
5. Genius street urchin who learned charm person from senile magic user
6. Charming old lady who used to be a badass fighter must eat gold to live, metabolism permanently changed by encounter with the legendary Gold River of the Underworld, she's full of stories but expensive tastes must be indulged
7. Suspiciously pale performer actually controlled by vampire monkey sidekick
8. Ol' Snakepockets: reputable breeder specialising in deadly vipers, literally squirming at all times w/ 2d12 living snakes around neck, up sleeves, in pants, hair, headgear, etc.
9. Mighty-looking beggar warrior w/compulsive gambling issue saving up coppers to get sword out of hock, would appreciate help in exchange for services
10. Street surgeon: expelled from academy for outlandish (frequently correct) theories, highly successful secret practice responsible for refurbishing criminal element, provides healing, cures diseases non-magically, barter system, sewer-level offices stuffed with stolen trinkets/magic items
11. World's smallest halfling:almost a foot tall, massive sideburns, bloated, appears ungainly but scampers like anything, catches rats with teeth, looking for work, voice like James Earl Jones
12. Man under witch's curse: skin perpetually bursts into flames, lives in water filled-barrel, street folk bring him victuals, warm themselves
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Random Items: Dungeon Level Ten
d12
1. Enchanted photo-real 3-D portrait of the Dungeon Overlord as a young man/woman/entity, demon-sculpted black frame of evil alone worth small fortune, but would look great over mantle @ adventurer's HQ
2. Parked outside treasure sorting room: large wheeled bin full of clothing, armor, gear stripped from startling number of dead adventurers, highlights include: exciting footwear, unusual equipment, interesting helmets
3.One-third bottle of sour mash whiskey of monster control: works great but unbelievably potent
4. Silver whistle creates imperceptible sound wave that destroys bond between artificially installed animus and flesh/other matter, renders much necromancy null and void, terminally disrupts corporeal undead, single charge remaining
5. Brain-shaped crystal formation, enhances intellect to super-human level when in physical contact, weighs one thousand pounds, floods brain w/crazy ideas
6. Bat-winged jumpsuit w/horned space helmet from member of Hell's Courier Service killed by Dungeon Overlord for delivering bad news, affords excellent protection from weapons, fire & infernal weather, transporter belt w/single button takes wearer to Hell and back, impervious satchel of holding attached
7. Phalanx of inert robo-hoplites w/Corinthian helm of remote control, instruction manual, in gift-wrapped shipping container
8. Gag gift for Dungeon Overlord from subsequently assassinated member of inner circle: aerosol can of paladin repellent, actually sort of works, renders only the pure and noble green around the gills
9. Locked coffer filled with scrolls detailing accumulated research/elaborate plan to import elder being from adjacent dimension, install in the heavens to create permanent eclipse, creatures of the night take over
10. Soul-powered bio-mechanical dungeon excavator, like small rail car on multitude of stubby legs, business end a riot of shovels and picks, hacks out standard 10' dungeon corridor/minute, extrudes rubble as usable masonry, very thirsty for souls indeed
11. Rod of Dungeon Mastery: projects rays that reduce the weak-willed to minion status, compel spirits of the Underworld to reveal mysteries of dungeon ecology, deactivate traps/automated tricks, open doors as per knock spell, multi-horned skull topper gives directions w/gentle voice, warns of self destruct mechanism should the object be taken from the dungeon
12. Dungeon Overlord's experimental super-armor, unfinished but still rather awesome, emits waves of fear, induces supplication, enhances strength/endurance/speed, impervious to anything short of an exploding shell, when out of soul-fuel consumes that of occupant
1. Enchanted photo-real 3-D portrait of the Dungeon Overlord as a young man/woman/entity, demon-sculpted black frame of evil alone worth small fortune, but would look great over mantle @ adventurer's HQ
2. Parked outside treasure sorting room: large wheeled bin full of clothing, armor, gear stripped from startling number of dead adventurers, highlights include: exciting footwear, unusual equipment, interesting helmets
3.One-third bottle of sour mash whiskey of monster control: works great but unbelievably potent
4. Silver whistle creates imperceptible sound wave that destroys bond between artificially installed animus and flesh/other matter, renders much necromancy null and void, terminally disrupts corporeal undead, single charge remaining
5. Brain-shaped crystal formation, enhances intellect to super-human level when in physical contact, weighs one thousand pounds, floods brain w/crazy ideas
6. Bat-winged jumpsuit w/horned space helmet from member of Hell's Courier Service killed by Dungeon Overlord for delivering bad news, affords excellent protection from weapons, fire & infernal weather, transporter belt w/single button takes wearer to Hell and back, impervious satchel of holding attached
7. Phalanx of inert robo-hoplites w/Corinthian helm of remote control, instruction manual, in gift-wrapped shipping container
8. Gag gift for Dungeon Overlord from subsequently assassinated member of inner circle: aerosol can of paladin repellent, actually sort of works, renders only the pure and noble green around the gills
9. Locked coffer filled with scrolls detailing accumulated research/elaborate plan to import elder being from adjacent dimension, install in the heavens to create permanent eclipse, creatures of the night take over
10. Soul-powered bio-mechanical dungeon excavator, like small rail car on multitude of stubby legs, business end a riot of shovels and picks, hacks out standard 10' dungeon corridor/minute, extrudes rubble as usable masonry, very thirsty for souls indeed
11. Rod of Dungeon Mastery: projects rays that reduce the weak-willed to minion status, compel spirits of the Underworld to reveal mysteries of dungeon ecology, deactivate traps/automated tricks, open doors as per knock spell, multi-horned skull topper gives directions w/gentle voice, warns of self destruct mechanism should the object be taken from the dungeon
12. Dungeon Overlord's experimental super-armor, unfinished but still rather awesome, emits waves of fear, induces supplication, enhances strength/endurance/speed, impervious to anything short of an exploding shell, when out of soul-fuel consumes that of occupant
Monday, November 4, 2013
Random Items: Dungeon Level Nine
d12
1. Just back from the cleaners: wardrobe's worth of human size cult raiment, outrageous, multiply spiked and pronged, towering headgear like baroque cathedrals, in all the most evil colors, hateful devil face masks included
2. Huge, perfectly cut jewels with self-generating spider legs, scamper to avoid capture, bite with gem fangs loaded with virus-like mineral venom, transmutes great swaths of living cells into crystalline slough
3. Skin-bound tourist's phrasebook of Hell, covers many dialects of the Abyss, also includes instructions for producing weird tones and ululations perceptible to Elder Gods using common household items
4. In huge lead box, melted shut: bust of current Chaos Bishop cast in gold, diamond and blue sapphire eyes, neck and shoulders covered in gemstones simulating mail, crafted back when he only had a few facial tentacles
5. Sometimes a giant cigar is just a giant cigar
6. Sorcerer with look of supreme confidence and enviable array of gear turned to stone, subsequently smashed to chunks, dropped scroll amongst the rubble intact, inscribed w/potent chaos-dampening spell
7. Spiked mallet of soul-extinguishing: critical hit indicates direct shot to pineal gland, annihilates soul leaving behind greying remnant, lacking all joie de vivre, looking forward only to oblivion
8. Large black medical bag: huge tube of high potency anti-fungal cream, one dose ointment of regeneration, jar w/rather menacing giant leech that cures disease, sealed envelope containing one inert colony body lice of healing
9. Bejewelled sofa with wicked clawed feet carved from devil bones, upholstered with fabrics woven from precious metals, worth a fortune on secondary market of evil, would look fantastic in wealthy vampire's lair, too bad its on level nine
10. Massive enchanted sacrificial dagger (as short sword), unerringly seeks the heart of opponent once daily but only after time-consuming/embarrassing ritual
11. Soul-powered dungeon hovercraft, seats five w/one more in the automatic ballista turret, not very fuel-efficient
12. Crown of Hell, minor: cloven in two by vorpal sword (shattered, shards everywhere) wielded by mighty paladin (broken, pulverized body nearby), devoid of terrible powers but made from priceless/incredibly rare infernal metals
1. Just back from the cleaners: wardrobe's worth of human size cult raiment, outrageous, multiply spiked and pronged, towering headgear like baroque cathedrals, in all the most evil colors, hateful devil face masks included
2. Huge, perfectly cut jewels with self-generating spider legs, scamper to avoid capture, bite with gem fangs loaded with virus-like mineral venom, transmutes great swaths of living cells into crystalline slough
3. Skin-bound tourist's phrasebook of Hell, covers many dialects of the Abyss, also includes instructions for producing weird tones and ululations perceptible to Elder Gods using common household items
4. In huge lead box, melted shut: bust of current Chaos Bishop cast in gold, diamond and blue sapphire eyes, neck and shoulders covered in gemstones simulating mail, crafted back when he only had a few facial tentacles
5. Sometimes a giant cigar is just a giant cigar
6. Sorcerer with look of supreme confidence and enviable array of gear turned to stone, subsequently smashed to chunks, dropped scroll amongst the rubble intact, inscribed w/potent chaos-dampening spell
7. Spiked mallet of soul-extinguishing: critical hit indicates direct shot to pineal gland, annihilates soul leaving behind greying remnant, lacking all joie de vivre, looking forward only to oblivion
8. Large black medical bag: huge tube of high potency anti-fungal cream, one dose ointment of regeneration, jar w/rather menacing giant leech that cures disease, sealed envelope containing one inert colony body lice of healing
9. Bejewelled sofa with wicked clawed feet carved from devil bones, upholstered with fabrics woven from precious metals, worth a fortune on secondary market of evil, would look fantastic in wealthy vampire's lair, too bad its on level nine
10. Massive enchanted sacrificial dagger (as short sword), unerringly seeks the heart of opponent once daily but only after time-consuming/embarrassing ritual
11. Soul-powered dungeon hovercraft, seats five w/one more in the automatic ballista turret, not very fuel-efficient
12. Crown of Hell, minor: cloven in two by vorpal sword (shattered, shards everywhere) wielded by mighty paladin (broken, pulverized body nearby), devoid of terrible powers but made from priceless/incredibly rare infernal metals
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Random Items: Dungeon Level Eight
d12
1. Huge enchanted syringe crafted for soul-extraction, assembly required, components packed in padded box
2. Floating storage locker, borne aloft by Tenser wave, currently loaded w/relatively valueless tchotchkes from Hell
3. Leviathan ivory scrimshaw depicting pivotal turning points in history of alternative reality
4. Full helm shaped as vulture's head, imparts ability to sense bloodshed, death, decay up to one mile distant
5. Dress jacket with eight decorative tentacles where epaulets should be, obey mental commands of wearer
6. Crate wrapped by tamper-resistant chain of security containing scads of dubious underworld currency, surrounded by recently slain bodies of delivery-humanoids
7. Large glass bottle filled with fist-sized capsules each containing inert ooze, just add copious amounts of water
8. Lock box full of crude medals festooned with skulls (gold, electrum, silver) for various events in upcoming Underworld Games
9. Lead-lined barrel, sealed and ensorcelled, holy symbols of every stripe stored within, awaiting pickup by hazmat disposal humanoids
10. Platinum idol of rearing diplodocus-god, jewel eyes, only half-excavated from stone wall
11. Package marked for delivery to Science Commander of adjacent dungeon complex, peer-reviewed treatise on detecting evil at cellular level, litmus test kit, specimen samples from various underworld horrors
12. Soul-fueled power generator, valve fits syringe (entry 1), several hundred feet of coiled cable w/metal clamps
1. Huge enchanted syringe crafted for soul-extraction, assembly required, components packed in padded box
2. Floating storage locker, borne aloft by Tenser wave, currently loaded w/relatively valueless tchotchkes from Hell
3. Leviathan ivory scrimshaw depicting pivotal turning points in history of alternative reality
4. Full helm shaped as vulture's head, imparts ability to sense bloodshed, death, decay up to one mile distant
5. Dress jacket with eight decorative tentacles where epaulets should be, obey mental commands of wearer
6. Crate wrapped by tamper-resistant chain of security containing scads of dubious underworld currency, surrounded by recently slain bodies of delivery-humanoids
7. Large glass bottle filled with fist-sized capsules each containing inert ooze, just add copious amounts of water
8. Lock box full of crude medals festooned with skulls (gold, electrum, silver) for various events in upcoming Underworld Games
9. Lead-lined barrel, sealed and ensorcelled, holy symbols of every stripe stored within, awaiting pickup by hazmat disposal humanoids
10. Platinum idol of rearing diplodocus-god, jewel eyes, only half-excavated from stone wall
11. Package marked for delivery to Science Commander of adjacent dungeon complex, peer-reviewed treatise on detecting evil at cellular level, litmus test kit, specimen samples from various underworld horrors
12. Soul-fueled power generator, valve fits syringe (entry 1), several hundred feet of coiled cable w/metal clamps