OPERATION UNFATHOMABLE

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Why They Abandoned that Derelict Vessel

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1. Ship encompassed by supernatural doldrums-zone, absolutely still waters, even oars don't work
2. Crew and passengers abducted by alien intelligence from the deep for temporary scrutiny, application of mind-control, ship anchored, guarded by hard ass sperm whale mercenary w/eye patch, power of speech
3. Entire crew murdered by disgruntled cook w/subtle poisoning skills, cook went mad, starved to death in the crow's nest, ghost abides below, preparing chow
4. Giant centipede eggs en route to overseas gourmand hatch unexpectedly, carry lethal dungeon plague pathogens
5. Pirate crew acquired ornate chest from foreign trader, gleaming amulet of greed among the treasures, currently around neck of dessicated corpse embracing pile of loot, crew reanimates nightly to reenact murder-spree
6. Entirety of crew ascended to heaven after discovery of holy relic on unknown continent, relic gone but ship's log indicates location of treasure-strewn promised land
7. Captivated by antics of fun-loving sea monkeys, crew jumped in the water to join the fun, were immediately eaten by colossal, telepathic coelacanth in symbiotic partnership w/monkeys
8. Crew transformed into sea serpents, recognizable only by their signature sailor hats, by malevolent roving cloud of unbound sorcery
9. All aboard fused into single giant merman by capricious sea god, commanded to disrupt shipping to/from Imperial Port City
10. Taken aboard Atlantean submarine, beaten, hog-tied, fed to sharks, mean letter nailed to mast w/extensive list of consequences for screwing around in Atlantean sphere of influence
11. Malicious spirit materialized on deck w/chessboard, challenged captain, after fortnight-long contest spirit resigned, went berserk, killed everybody
12. Lungfish-men swarmed the decks, soon awash w/blood, now enjoying a bit of cosplay as jolly pirate crew

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