Missing or Dead Gods Scheduled to Make Comeback

d12
1. Lord of the Dinosaurs: ready to give it another go after notable prehistoric setback
2. Ancient god of harvests: trapped in arid dimension by upstart currently in power, remaining cultists planning rescue operation
3. Ith-plp-ah-ah, deity of the intelligent cephalopods: almost finished regenerating after passing through digestive tract of cosmic megalodon
4. Perpetually perishing and resurrecting Lord of the Martyrs on the scene yet again
5. God of vengeance: nearly completed eon of trans-cosmic score settling, ready to rekindle following in native realm
6. Deity abandoned by worshippers spent eon nursing wounded ego somewhere in the void, recently convinced by more successful member of pantheon to make spectacular return, offering two-for-one spells to prospective clerics
7. Sun God went super-nova and died, reborn as black hole god: readying press release to announce alarming agenda
8. The Cloned Lord: return not exactly a surprise
9. Once popular among the intelligent beetles of a bygone epoch, the scarab god finally finished molting into sleek new anthropoid form
10. Careless titan made off w/enchanted halberd embedded in the vampire god's black heart
11. The Cloven God: halves arrived at power-sharing compromise and requisite theological justifications, once again ready for business
12. Hrikikichi the Cockroach God: rumors of extermination greatly exaggerated

Why the Ancient Empire Fell

d12
1. Ultimate weapon invented and immediately implemented to full effect
2. Evolved intelligence just high enough to perceive the futility of it all
3. Victims of first unexpected return of the dinosaurs
4. Divine thumbs down: wave after wave of "natural" disasters
5. Created gigantic monsters to fight their battles: results inevitable
6. Sudden cosmic transition to currently known physical laws ruined everything
7. Institutional demon slavery led to genocidal revolt
8. Achieved such mastery of the physical world they got fat, lazy and subsequently forgot how to do everything
9. Gave peace a chance, then beat plowshares back into swords
10. Created trans-planar portal, permanently abandoned this crappy universe
11. Philosophical breakthrough: attained universal enlightenment, stopped reproducing
12. Partied themselves to death

Gonzo Class/Race, Additional

d12
1. Disembodied brain: spell-like abilities, must be toted in ichor-filled jar by servitor/ally at low levels, crafts increasingly awesome golem-like housings w/experience
2. Sun-dweller: covetous and capricious man-shaped flames, grows in brightness, size and power until able to sustain itself for journey to nearest star to complete reproductive cycle
3. Black otter: swift, sleek and deadly man-sized intelligent weasels, able to learn use of human weapons w/experience
4. Looter: expert smash and grab artists, unmatched abililty to flee the scene, XP for aquiring loot w/out bloodshed
5. Smilopithecene: saber-toothed hominid, ferocious, poor impulse control
6. Hireling: XP granted for torches carried and treasure hauled, unerring trap detection w/advancement
7. Underworld ranger: skilled in underground/preternatural environent survival, tracking, tactics
8. Ghost: incorporeal remnant of fallen character, fear power (as spell) at level one, XP for scaring the hell out of things
9. Half-shoggoth: sustains man-shape most times, shoggs out when rattled
10. Anthropomorphic bluejay: vicious and fearless, eternal enmity w/anthropomorphic ducks and penguins
11. Slug folk: occasionally deranged slug folk join adventures, an excretion for any occasion
12. Dungeon philosopher: must defend thesis for advancement, see In the Philosopher's Spell Book

Nature Goes Haywire

d12
1. Unexplained lightning plague: near-continuous strikes on even cloudless days, woe unto the armored warrior on a treeless hilltop
2. Chaos-demon strikes down the god of physics: gravity gets weird, among other effects
3. Unpredictable gusts of wind capable of tossing full grown men about like leaves, sky gods unresponsive to campaign of blood sacrifice
4. Quirk of evolution leads to advent of extremely prolific laser-mice
5. Oceanic waters gradually congeal, translucent membrane develops as does a singular intelligence
6. Sudden release of subterranean gas triggers extinction event: domesticated animals
7. Colossal fungal puffball swells to gross immensity then explodes, scattering millions of spores into the atmosphere, growths already taking over planted plots, covering rooftops, etc.
8. Meteors ridden by thrill-seeking demon cowboys zoom crazily about leaving panic and mayhem in their wake
9. Sky turns purple, clouds appear as glowering faces, strange thunders boom as never before, 1/3 of the population goes crazy and dies
10. Glacier w/conspicuous ice ramparts and battlements cruises at speed into temperate zone toward imperial capital
11. Everyone wakes up one morning to find thousands of weird eggs everywhere
12. A fire of unknown origin takes babies away

More Campaign Paradigm Shifters

d12
1. Solar eclipse lasts until moon god's lust for blood is satiated
2. Long prophesied messiah of the underclass manifests, sets plans in motion for world-wide peasant revolt
3. Hyper-evolved being arrives from future to teach humanity the arts of space travel
4. Imperial sorcerers announce breakthrough that promises to revolutionize transportation by harnessing the Tenser wave
5. Dinosaurs make another play at a comeback, this time aided by unknown race of nautiloids
6. Thor (or equivalent) smashes incoming asteroid in upper atmosphere: fragments rain down willy-nilly, cities must make saving throws
7. Demon prince reveals self and peers as interdimensional psychephagi ready to begin occupying surface territories and reducing humankind to the herd-beasts they were always meant to be
8. Ill-advised geomantic activities trigger sudden shift in tectonic plates, rearranging map: new mountain ranges crop up, great sundering rifts between formerly contiguous lands, coastal cities devastated by flood, etc.
9. Recent batches of human newborns show disturbing and rather abrupt new trends in evolutionary development: distended frontal lobes and protruding pineal glands among the most noticeable
10. Moldy grain sets off great monotheistic awakening, huge percentage of the population tripping out to the same hallucinations, heading speedily towards officially "Holy" evil empire
11. Nearest volcano erupts constant streams of fire monsters
12. Hurricane blows in, halts over capital city, razes it to ground and remains as permanent storm zone

Campaign World-threatening Emergencies

d12
1. Inexorable approach of titanic blind idiot space god
2. Sorcery gone haywire releases rapidly spreading cloud of madness
3. Rotation of the planet magically halted by misguided vampires desirous of a dark side
4. Secret star chamber of the gods convenes, judges reality in need of a reboot to be carried out in stages, starting with extensive pruning
5. Fire god wins war against earthly enemies in far off region, celebrates with a 21 volcano salute
6. Turns out arcane spells are somehow fueled by solar fusion, the next magic missile could trigger super-nova
7. Following stupendous seismic tumult, great rift canyon opens up, allowing advent onto the surface of formerly imprisoned subterranean terrors of unsurpassed destructive power
8. Previously unknown race of intelligent cephalopods has been biding time, building their amphibious war-machines in preparation for surprise extermination of surface
9. Bodies of dead gods keep turning up
10. Dead rise from their graves: without pausing to eat the brains of the living march off to muster in isolated region
11. Capricious god grants trolls the capacity to breed like rabbits
12. Vegetable messiah arrives, announces universal plant solidarity and declares war against humanity

Planets in the Vicinity of the Campaign World

d12
1. Planet of gold: plague of element-eating space worms devouring it rapidly
2. World of ruins: once a D&D-like world with shining cities, etc. until the monsters won, currently in Monster Manual-derived analog to Earth's Age of Reptiles, human survivors reduced to cave dwelling
3. Planet made up of towering spiny protuberances with deep seething bio-valleys between: cliff-dwelling aerial creatures predominate
4. Monad's world: single super-powerful god jealously maintains illusionary monotheism for sheep-like population, hosts of terrifying winged servitors enforce commandments, root out interlopers
5. Perfect duplicate of the current campaign world, complete w/PC doubles driven by uncontrollable urge to destroy the originals
6. Fortress world: leftover death star from some ancient space war, now occupied by devolved descendants of original crew, still practice the art of blowing up planets only now as a holy day ritual
7. Flaming sphere: spawning grounds for the sun-dwellers, titanic salamanders, home of the socialist utopia of the lava men
8. Gas giant w/solid islands, ramjet propelled space crustaceans, inscrutable gas bag beings
9. Planet of milk and honey: fresh and new, savagely protected by young feral gods, current population: 2, garden contains plant species with miracle properties that need stealing
10. Automatonica: irresponsible god creates artificial intelligence then abandons experiment on this silicon-rich planet, weird mechanical replica of planetary ecosystem results, still coming online, may soon decide that the universe would be cleaner without all the biological units scampering around
11. The (wide) world of sports: highly competitive population of sentients work hard, play harder, fields, tracks and arenas everywhere in the capitol megalopolis, Championship City
12. Spheres of desolation: wiped clean of life by vengeful gods and left in their orbits as a testimony to their power and authority

Available Means of Interplanetary Travel

d12
1. Woven into the fur of the colossal Aether Bat
2. Temporary encystment in the mass of a migratory space ooze
3. Comet comes by highest mountain peak once daily, grappling hooks recommended
4. Surmount 7 miles of scaffolding, embark in solar dirigible
5. Series of timed teleports combined with globes of invulnerability: 50% chance of catastrophic error
6. Ride the lightning beam from atop the sorcerer's observatory: horseshoes forged of solid mercury required
7. Launched within padded projectile from trans-cosmic trebuchet
8. Demon-wing transplant: increases caloric requirements one hundred fold
9. Whisked off via yeti ascetics' polyhedron power
10. Disintegrated, broadcast upon arcane wave, reintegrated at destination via exceedingly costly sorcery
11. Carried by willing vampires
12. Fall upon the legendary blazing Sword of the Star Sojourner

Apocalyptic Visions in the Crystal Ball

d12
1. Nightmare scene of fantasy world completely overrun by proliferation of slimes, oozes and jellies
2. Images of sudden-onset ice age, flash-frozen men and beasts, ships embedded in solid waves, ice-spirits howling w/bitter laughter
3. Idyllic pastoral scene shattered by revelation that herdsmen = vampires, flocks = debased human population
4. Video broadcast from Mars rover w/incomprehensible voice-over
5. Scene of moon teeming with terror monsters hurling selves earthward via cosmic trebuchets
6. Mind-bending loop of footage from Leni Riefenstahl's Triumph of the Will
7. Behind-the-scenes at the trans-pantheon parliament of the gods: earthly life pitilessly divided up and squandered like chattel by beings previously thought to be benevolent
8. Worlds upon worlds swim by, each stranger than the last, a galactic empire that pits far-flung humankind against itself while utterly alien overlords grow ever richer and more powerful
9. Promotional clips of reality TV show shot during biblical end times
10. Humanity enslaved by race of giants w/proto-Egyptian cultural features, set to perpetual pyramid-building
11. Towering gods stride the earth locked in battle, sweeping away entire human armies with single gestures, shattering mountains with errant blows, boiling oceans away with misfired rays of destruction
12. Sorcerer's mad researches set off arcane chain reaction resulting in world sundered in two, separated by coruscating ethereal gulf

Whence the Demigod?

d12
1. Mighty Sky-father digs mortals
2. Lord of Speedy Delivery expanding operations
3. Super-genius god of intellect conducting "experiments"
4. Monkey Czar up to his usual shenanigans
5. All-mother has a thing for eugenics
6. Rogue ex-member of the pantheon aiming to breed god-assassins
7. Star Bull remains irrepressible in this area
8. Fire god looking to create flame-cloaked half-mortal priesthood
9. Personification of mostly-impersonal Prime Mover on some kind of strange bender
10. Incomprehensible entity masquerading as the popular war god, all about more and better warriors
11. Perpetually famished outer being using mortals to give itself spiritual access to as many additional mouths as possible
12. Raw Chaos seethes mindlessly but also enjoys the odd fling here and there

Super-quick Gonzo Pulp Monster Generator

Roll on each of the three tables below and put results in the blender. Extrapolate swiftly, your players are waiting.

Table A: Descriptor
d12
1. Abominable
2. Colossal
3. Scintillating
4. Iron
5. Sundering
6. Mind
7. Lava
8. Laser
9. Trans-dimensional
10. Insalubrious
11. Hypno-
12. Chaos

Table B: Subject
d12
1. Fungus
2. Jelly
3. Corpse
4. Slug
5. Foetus
6. Bishop
7. Lizard
8. Worm
9. Tyrant
10. Polyp
11. Virus
12. Titan

Table C: Special
d12
1. Like the shrew, must eat several times own body weight daily to survive
2. Maximum fecundity: dropping eggs/buds/spores/litters/viral loads everywhere
3. Berserk at all times, but capable of taking it to a new level if pressed
4. Singular objective: depopulation
5. Genius-level intellect, telepathic, strong opinions, very convincing
6. Melancholic: hell-bent on suicide-by-adventurers
7. Reverts back to shape of missing princess when killed
8. Constantly sings/otherwise emits mind-bending music
9. Protected by chitinous armor plating
10. Exudes deadly/blinding/incapacitating/intoxicating/flammable gases
11. Self-luminous
12. Demi-material, may pass through solid matter

Campaign Elevator Pitch Amalgamator

Roll once on each table and forcefully mash results together to establish campaign vibe.

Table A: Appendix N
d12
1. Robert E. Howard's Kull stories: serpent men intrigue, campaign-ending catastrophe imminent
2. Tolkien's LOTR: sprawling epic, dark lord, orcs everywhere, spontaneous recitations of poetry/musical numbers
3. Poul Anderson's The High Crusade: knights & UFOs
4. Abraham Merritt's The Ship of Ishtar: active deities, genders at odds, swashbucklery
5. Leigh Brackett's The Sword of Rhiannon: Mars, science & sorcery, demi-god possession, exit future for adventure in the past
6. E.R. Burroughs' Pellucidar series: recently discovered underworld filled w/cavemen and their dino-rulers
7. H. P. Lovecraft's The Shadow Out of Time: Mind-projecting aliens, flying polyps, time-hopping
8. Jack Vance's Planet of Adventure series: powerful aliens in charge, humans reduced to pathetic state, must find or create means to get off planet ASAP
9. Michael Moorcock's Elric saga: doomy as hell, chaos horror, pain in the ass gods, bitter ends for one and all
10. Lord Dunsany's Time and the Gods: King James-style language, pervasive mythological underpinnings
11. Fritz Leiber's Newhon series: sorcerous masters, Lords of Quarmal, lusty
12. L. Sprague de Camp & Fletcher Pratt's Harold Shea series: magic is mathematics, dweebs from 20th century earth kick ass in realms of fantasy

Table B: Pop Culture X Factor
d12
1. William Burroughs Naked Lunch: Interzone, disturbing creatures spewing hallucinogenic ichor
2. Christopher Hitchens: anti-crusade vs. theocracy, plenty of super-heated rhetoric
3. The Smurfs: towering evil sorcerers and their terrifying familiars, mushroom town HQ
4. Phillip K. Dick: does the dungeon exist outside of your minds? = sanity house rules required
5. Dr. Seuss: cutesy-pie nomenclature, capricious entities w/powers beyond mortal ken
6. Friedrich Nietzsche: gods are dead, class/level system ideal for tracking progress towards super-man status
7. John Carpenter's They Live: must wrassle henchmen/hirelings into submission, aliens among us
8. Herman Melville's Moby Dick: giant white monster object of obsession, but 'tis the thing behind the mask PCs chiefly hate
9. Hunter S. Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: original gonzo
10. Tim Burton's oeuvre: simultaneously creepy and goofy, Johnny Depp portrays most NPCs
11. King Kong (1933): Giant apes lord it over the dinosaurs/terrified human population, huge walls everywhere
12. DC Comics' The Legion of Super-Heroes: everybody gets at least one super-power, but it might be absurd

Examples of use:
1. Rolls: 2, 11  
Results: King Kong is dark lord of middle earth, climbs to the top of Barad Dur if seriously demoralized, armies of dino-riding orcs, hobbits = cavemen

2. Rolls: 1, 6
Results: Oops, you've just created the John Milius Conan the Barbarian movie, outrageous Austrian accents, nihilism, raise dead spells work but friends of the deceased must battle wind demons

Why is there an Underworld?

d12
1. Earth hollowed by extinct giant ants during paleogean Age of Giant Insects
2. Life began in crucible of chaos at center of the earth, only breaching the surface after millions of years in the dark oceans below
3. Groundwork laid by primeval visitation of planet-eating cosmic worms
4. Aboriginal population of mole-men warped into surface races by renegade god
5. Surface evacuated by ancient ones after their twisted sorcery caused the atmosphere to catch fire for 1000 years
6. Planet strip-mined by aliens, totally depleted of element vital to interstellar travel, abandoned
7. Because of a lie the elf fathers told the first dwarf
8. The evil gods imprisoned at the earth's core call out to be freed, their children delve ever downward
9. Fossilized circulatory system of the dead earth god, upon whose corpse we all feast
10. Down below where the goblins and kobolds dwell the god of retribution fuels his spirit-powered engines of anguish with wicked souls
11. Provision of First God War armistice created a permanent division between children of light and darkness, since nullified by renewed hostilities
12. Underground realms left over from first major revision of creation when mountains rained from the sky to forever bury failed experiments

Quick Cultural Quirks: Sophisticated Urbanites of Swords and Sorcery

d12
1. Considers self to be unflappable having seen it all in the big city
2. Applauds the feudal spirit: actually quite fond of the help
3. Sensation seeker by habit if not inclination, unapologetic epicurean tastes
4. Prejudices against the unwashed masses too numerous to list, total ignorance of agriculture and most means of production
5. Honors the gods as required by social mores but with little enthusiasm, heavy sprinkling of moral relativism
6. Settles matters of honor with dagger duels or other mostly ceremonial means: elaborate rules minimize lethality, its all about showing up (w/awesome entourage decked out to the nines)
7. Master of all manner of parlor amusements: games of skill/chance, song, verse
8. Weds traditionally w/ much pomp but generally for social engineering purposes, adultery discrete but frequent
9. Leisurely luncheon considered a vital restorative and will halt most activitities (including dungeon exploration) for mid-day repast
10. Prone to bitter complaints when exposed to the elements, doesn't know a tent from a hole in the ground
11. Strong percentage chance of successfully faking way through conversation on wide range of topics
12. Honors the hour at which it is customary for a gentleman/lady to partake of a stiff one

Quick Cultural Quirks: Deep Forest People

d12
1. The prairie is terrifying: deep-seated horizon-phobia
2. Likes to sleep in high places: will go to great lengths to improvise off-ground accommodations
3. Subject to psychosomatic infirmities when underground for extended periods
4. Will talk reassuringly to trees
5. Waste not, want not: sees the potential for future use in objects of little discernible value
6. Instinctive guerrilla fighter: seeks cover/concealment, shoots and retreats, etc.
7. Heavy animist thinking: constant awareness of the spirits that inhabit everything
8. Minimal oral communication, esp. on duty but plenty of eyebrow signalling (extremely garrulous when intoxicated)
9. No institution of marriage: all about the free love
10. Males: good hunters, frequently drunk, Females: can make anything out of deer guts and plant fibers, also frequently drunk
11. Treats everyone not formally initiated into tribe as children
12. Distrusts the capricious spirits of metals and must appease them often: will not carry anything bigger than a good spear point, prefers arms/armor of wood, leather, and sinew

DM's Emergency Dodecahedron Outcomes Oracle

For use whenever the mad schemes of the players demand speedy resolution but lie beyond the scope of easily remembered/referenced rules....

d12
1. Abysmal and utter failure beyond all reasonable expectations
2. Unpredictably bad outcome (there will be blood)
3. What the players imagined to be the worst case scenario
4. Still pretty bad but losses acceptable (dead hirelings, wasted resources)
5. Certain failure but with minimal loss
6. Even Steven: no loss, no gain
7. Partial success, but at some cost
8. Successful but only just, or partially favorable outcome
9. Laws of physics/psychology bend in favor of the players
10. Only agencies beyond the player's ken can explain their total success
11. A stunning success beyond all reasonable hope
12. DM's instinct prevails as long as its amusing for all (win or lose)

Die modifiers:
+1 if plan seems sound or if obscured by cloud of cool-sounding BS
+2 if the gods might favor such a plan
+3 if the plan seems really amusing
-1 if the plan seems completely absurd
-2 if the plan inadvertently ruins something super cool
-3 if there never really was a chance for success anyway

Dungeon Aesthetic

d12
1. Designed to accommodate alien/giant body plan
2. Meticulously-crafted, smooth stonework, unadorned,  impeccably clean
3. Vertical design around central crevasse w/shafts, landings, platforms for ancient public levitation system no longer in service
4. Architect: H. R. Giger on an acid-fueled bender with unlimited budget and massive slave labor force of highly skilled artisans
5. Dark whimsy: a Disneyland of fear and death
6. Slopped together w/minimal outlay and effort, functionality compromised, doors barely work
7. Natural beauty of cavern system preserved and subtly enhanced, chambers linked by faux-natural causeways
8. Mind-bending baroque design: countless sculptures, tapestries, bas reliefs, mosaics depict events of terror and bloodshed
9. Interconnected system of cones, spheres and cylinders, cold and clinical, origin unknown
10. Original masonry eroded and dotted with fossilized coral from long-ago period of flooding
11. Jarring tilts and trapezoidal chambers, angled ceilings and floors, a mad-house
12. Rough-hewn functionality dangerously askew after major earthquake, strong chances of collapse, inter-level breakthroughs.

Disastrous/Abandoned Projects of the Gods

d12
1. Cosmic stairway: construction terminated somewhere in the ionosphere due to budgetary constraints, now used as draconic nesting site
2. Pyramid shaped world: proposed resting place for immortal souls until discovery that properties of attendant black star instantly rendered spirits irretrievably insane and evil
3. The Sky Forest: soil cloud too unstable, taken over by airborne fungi, now giant lumpy mass acrawl with terrifying symbiotes
4. Sapient dinosaurs: upon release into creation exposed themselves as potential threat to divine authority, extinction event carried out preemptively
5. Experimental two-element pocket universe: Teardrop World suspended in a sphere of air
6. The Cavern of Alternative Physical Laws
7. The Lost Republic of Sentient Vegetables: left to own devices by the gods due to lack of interest, now reduced to tiny deep jungle enclave, inadvertently passed on the gift/curse of intellect to several deep jungle herbivore species
8. United Pantheons grand meeting hall: desecrated and destroyed by members of intentionally excluded pantheon, now inhabited by their monstrous offspring
9. Multidimensional observatory: ruined and flooded during inter-pantheon cold war, recently raised in suspect seismic event
10. Maximum Security Penitentiary of the Gods
11. Orbiting Pleasure Dome: crashed to earth following particularly massive bacchanal
12. Trans-planar God-Ark: decommissioned and scuttled following the discovery of the more-nearly omniscient Trans-gods

Surprisingly Helpful Hirelings

d12
1. Darx the fletcher: constantly making new & improved arrows out of found materials
2. Munn the torchbearer/unemployed cartographer
3. Man-at-arms Zim: trained under famous chef (killed by Zim in an unfortunate incident), capable of making rations into a memorable dining experience
4. Wahu the wary: detects traps/secret doors with latent psychic powers
5. Keen-eyed Kruun: more likely than average to spot objects of value
6. Brill the bat-whisperer
7. Switt the suddenly self-sacrificing: will fling self between master and incoming dangers
8. Moogumbo the spear carrier: generous with hand-crafted juju bags of protection
9. Frix the fleet-footed: an exceptionally fast sprinter
10. Corgo the cognizant: able to remember important detail forgotten by adventurers
11. Cosmopolitan Cruin: knows one language unknown to adventurers
12. Man-at-arms Flang: never leaves home w/out at least three doses of his mother's mystical tonic of healing

The Oracle has Bad News

d12
1. Despite your 10 ft. pole, you shall perish alone in a pit
2. In the blackest abyss you will understand that man cannot eat gold
3. Mark well your lover, who secretly hungers for the blood of the living
4. Your end comes slowly in the belly of a hungry god
5. Just after your greatest triumph you shall be blasted to tiny bits
6. A short scrawny man, naked but for loincloth and dagger, will totally hand you your ass
7. Those jewels are glass
8. An indescribable horror will be your only companion
9. You shall writhe in perpetual torment in a personal hell of your own choosing
10. You must kill your friends before something worse happens
11. Your own arms and armor shall betray you
12. The oracle has determined you are fated to trigger the apocalypse, pretends the future is too cloudy to read, notifies team of assassins as soon as you leave the premises