Incomprehensible Activities of Beetle Ghosts

Yet another table excerpted from OPERATION UNFATHOMABLE. 

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Note: as you no doubt realize, I'm duty bound to beat this drum for awhile.

d12

1. Ghost couples sway back and forth in ritual slow dance accompanied by ethereal power ballads

2. Spectral tour guide blathers on endlessly, indicating areas of interest indistinguishable from run-of-the-mill Underworld features, phantasmal tour group oohs and ahs

3. Funeral procession departs from area bearing countless tiny coffins of indeterminate provenance, disappears into the distance

4. Ghost crowd sits around poking and staring at claw-held slate rectangles

5. Raucous beetle ghost banquet in full effect, table, chairs, victuals invisible to onlookers

6. Beetle cowboys astride incorporeal saddle-sailed dimetrodons coax pack of naked cavemen ghosts down the passage

7. Beetle warriors struggle mightily against invisible giant monster, look embarrassed if interrupted then disappear

8. Ghost crowd watches reenactment of execution using decapitation scissors, a clear precursor to modern Nul cult practices

9. Beetle politician gives some kind of rousing stump speech, met with light applause, seeming disinterest by crowd

10. Beetle ghosts remain silent and invisible until party draws near then suddenly appear claws raised, screeching out ferociously, take in reactions for a moment, then emit peals of terrible insect laughter

11. Beetle ghosts in lab coats dissect (intangible) human shape on slab, drop bits into jars, seem to be having jolly good time

12. Amid a sudden cacophony of screaming invisible fans, ghost beetle-driven horseless chariots race by, vying for position until one chariot careens into the wall, crashing spectacularly, crowd hushes, but then the driver steps from the wreckage claw upraised in defiance, crowd again goes wild, and scene

OPERATION UNFATHOMABLE

KICKSTARTER LAUNCHED

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Check it out and then pledge with the reckless abandon I've come to expect from readers of this blog.

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Launch delay

We were all set to launch the Kickstarter for Operation Unfathomable today, but, to the consternation of myself and my allies at the Hydra Cooperative, we hit a technical snag that can only be resolved on the KS end. Once we clear this hurdle, its go time. Sorry for this unexpected delay, people. Stay tuned for updates as they become available.

We Search the Heap of Detritus

Here's another table excerpted from Operation Unfathomable (game details removed due to the stringent system-free policies of this blog), the adventure book by me.

The Kickstarter to make this book as beautiful and functional as it should be launches tomorrow!

Underworld detritus

The segmented giant and local agencies maintain main thoroughfares, piling up heaps of fallen stone, mineral accretions, and other garbage along the sides of corridors (as indicated on the map). In a pinch, Underworld travelers sometimes bury themselves in this loose debris to avoid unwanted encounters. If adventurers risk a turn searching, they stand a 2 in 6 chance of finding something.

We Search the Heap of Detritus

d12

1. Giant-size engagement ring with polychrome gem, dropped recently by Uurx the Impervious, who will promptly repossess it if given half a chance

2. Dessicated slugman wearing fancy business harness with silver embroidery, coin purse empty nearby, swallowed valuables before lethal mugging, 1d6 gems in gullet

3. Junk-covered tunnel leads to fledgling giant pillbug colony, 2d4 pillbugs rush to defend territory

4. Skeleton of dead hero, bronze armlet of protection vs. Chaos godlings, looks like he died after being struck by hundreds of tiny harpoons

5. 1d6 starving micropuddings make immediate assault upon rations, use acidic excretions to breach backpacks, wine skins

6. Fist-sized crumb of Hard Rations of the Gods (a single bite sates human-types for a week, two bites: save or die, more bites: just die)

7. Dead fire bomb beetle, 1d6 delicate fluid-filled cysts for harvest (burst into flame upon exposure to air), abdomen also filled with hungry pillbugs chowing down frantically, haven't chewed open a fire bomb just yet...

8. Chunks of petrified adventurer from pre-modern era, shattered, reanimates if painstakingly reassembled but resents it bitterly, expresses outrage in forgotten tongue

9. Depleted Chaosometer under large stone, recharges to full capacity upon 60 minutes exposure to standard ambient Chaos, detects horrors, godlings, chaos anomalies

10. Keys to safety deposit box at the Slugman bank in Black Ooze River Town
11. Crumpled map of the Beetletown apartment complex on some kind of flexible plastic material, hand-scrawled, an ancient relic of the Beetle Age
12. Rival party of adventurers hiding from you

MY CHARACTER DIED!

Shaggath-Ka, the Worm Sultan, claims yet another victim
Image from Operation Unfathomable

MY CHARACTER DIED!

That’s okay! It was probably hilarious and maybe it wasn’t even your fault. It’s really dangerous around here. Fortunately, you took the time to prepare a spare.

But the rest of the party is still deep within the Underworld.

How Does My New PC Show Up?

d12

1. Swallowed by a colossal trans-planar worm back at home, proved to be indigestible, deposited in the Underworld, smells terrible

2. Formerly held under mind control by Chaos godling, now broken free and slowly recovering original personality (but must save or fall back under godling's influence, if encountered) 

3. Employee of sorcerer from Ft. Enterprise exploring a cave for spell components (add two caps of azure fungi to inventory), fell down a fissure and woke up lost in the Underworld  

4. Member of rival party who entered the Underworld just hours before, comrades destroyed almost immediately after arrival by cloud of poisonous gas, you: safely off relieving self in alcove 

5. Sudden storm while staggering home from the tavern again, knocked on head by wind-swept debris, picked up by eldritch tornado and dropped into the Underworld following a spectacular and uselessly prophetic dream sequence 

6. Doomed fling with vampire ended abruptly at the outset of what was supposed to a romantic holiday in the Underworld, now free of spell and disgusted with self 

7. Got really drunk fell asleep in the street, woke up tied in a sack on the back of a lizard-driven cart trundling down The Devil’s Highway, managed to tumble off, slither behind stalagmite but still hogtied

8. The wizard said he was teleporting me to the Big City, boy did he screw up, plus I picked up a mark of Chaos for my troubles

9. Set sail for unknown shores, ship smashed by kraken, sucked down a whirlpool, emerged from nearest Underworld well, pool, river, swamp, sea, etc.

10. Answered ad for dungeon gig, patron turns out to be serial killer with a thing for adventurers, killed horribly, but instead of ascent to heaven, anomalous reincarnation in the Underworld

11. Confined to bed with fever from lethal plague, witch appears in room at midnight with curative potion, works but also transports you to the Underworld

12. Poisoned by a giant spider while on a picnic, dragged to cave lair for consumption, cave breached from below by spider-eating mutant mole, titans clash blocking exit, only way to safety: down the hole and here you are (equipment limited to picnic gear)

Excepted from Operation Unfathomable, my adventure book coming soon from the Hydra Cooperative. A Kickstarter for this book launches Monday October 10. Watch for more information here. 

Damn Good Reasons to Descend into the Mythic Underworld

d12
1. Intercept communique encoded with plans and instructions from Underdwarf Mechanics Guild agents to Subdwarf Makers Guild master for application to surface wizard's personal Manhattan Project
2. Following a widespread outbreak of identical nightmares, your church, shaman, mentor, parents, sense of moral outrage compel you to find, destroy freshly spawned Chaos godling while still in its infancy
3. Locate theoretically trainable dungeon behemoth on Underworld plain, tranquilize and return, lizard-driven wagon (collapsible), gallon of soporific, hypodermic ballista ammo provided
4. Foil insane plan of evil sorcerer to cast creeping cloud of fecundity upon isolated Underworld humanoid population, time is of the essence
5. Infiltrate cult of Underworld godling, endure weird, gnarly (temporary) lifestyle as cloistered chaos monk, when trust gained use magical device to reproduce text of forbidden scriptures, GTFO
6. Visit three Underworld potentates (separated by miles of danger-filled passageways), present enchanted trinkets as gifts to establish reputation of patron wizard among the subteranean upper crust, must attend many snooty dinner parties, weird bachannals, scary rituals
7.  Search for Underworld lair, kidnap sorcerer who reportedly cracked the code on key aspect of immortality magic, return to venerable, super-rich patron for forced collaboration/enhanced interogation
8. Sent by a sainted cleric to retrieve a holy relic slated for public desecration by an Underworld cult
9. The rich wizard needs you to collect seven drops of night-dew from the petals of the colossal black orchid in the center of the reeking Underjungle
10. Enter Underworld ocean via enchanted submarine longboat, confirm or deny the existence of the intelligent blind porpoise city, offer allegiance of the surface world Sea Kings
11. Use incomplete map to locate chamber filled with giant eggs and destroy every last one of them, somehow learn to live with the knowledge of what was inside them
12. Masquerade as Underworld humanoids, attend annual Pan-Underworld swap meet in gigantic colluseum-shaped cavern, purchase seemingly valueless trinket for extremely wealthy collector