Friday, August 24, 2018

More Domesticated Dungeon Creatures

Actually enjoys wearing this

Available in exclusive speakeasy boutiques in the Big City or from scattered and secretive breeders who run illicit creature mills in the countryside, domesticated dungeon creatures offer a variety of perks (and drawbacks) for the career-delver. Long sneered at by adventurers of the old guard as an unnecessary crutch, these specialized creatures are much sought-after by fashion conscious murderhobos of today.  As a result, they are frequently expensive as hell.

1. Liberal applications of costly ant musk secures loyalty of six-pack of chihuahua sized ants, disproportionately strong, ferocious fighters, trained to respond to three commands: kill, carry, run, refuse to take food or water upon purchase, die 2d4 days later
2. Perpetually famished shovel-tusked dungeon swine, capable of digesting most matter, useful for light tunneling, chewing through doors, chests, lock boxes, etc, dog-like intellect
3. Black pterodactyls bond voluntarily with human hosts who offer a shoulder to perch on and provide ample corpses for feasting, can squawk out a few words in most dungeon languages, sometimes at random
4. Heavily armored, dungeon armadillos like nothing more than to delouse reeking human adventurers, frustrate the efforts & chase off dungeon vermin, good-natured, insectivorous, when hand reared believe themselves to be human, enjoy little hats/outfits when provided
5. Compact dungeon cows produce ample highly nutritive "milk" for lengthy subterranean sojourns, capable of living off lichen, moss, mold, fungus
6. Rope tail monkeys sport 50' long prehensile tails, scramble off to advantageous moorings as needed, mighty hands lock in unfailing grip, capable of supporting full-sized human in full gear, 1 in 6 chance of going berserk, attacking everyone for every hour spent without using tail, eat special fruit preserve rations, also quite costly
7. Decorative land lobsters assume attractive/majestic positions atop helms, sense air with hyper-sensitive antennae, detect evil/magic as per spells once each then dies, it's amazing what they charge for a satchel of lobster chow
8. Cyclops owls warn their masters of distant threats using telescopic vision, emit various screeches for different types of danger, downside: you must carry/maintain large supply of living mice
9. Glow-bats provide mobile illumination as per flying torch, must consume/metabolize one gold piece every five minutes of active duty
10. Eye mites must be introduced directly to the optic nerve, where they nestle into permanent occupancy, in exchange for small amount of optic fluid they provide once daily intrusive visions of what's on the other side of the door
11. Rice puddings: lumpy, fist-sized white masses w/curiously dry exterior, not unpleasant to the touch, scour the body human body of delicious filth each rest period then hide in boot, refreshing, rejuvenating, heals minor wounds once daily
12. Surgeon spiders use anesthetic venom, skilled fangs & spinnerets to heal light wounds twice each day in exchange for a non-disabling (but still lightly injurious) meal of bodily fluids, like to hang out on host's head on the lookout for major trouble, in which case they will flee (caveat emptor!)


  1. "mighty hands lock in unfailing grip"
    "also quite costly"
    How much would a barrel of them cost?

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