Saturday, May 17, 2014

Potion of Water Breathing: Possible Side-effects

1. Subject develops bulbous, piscine eyes w/associated blank, soulless stare
2. Gill slits form in neck, lungs diminish but remain functional, permanently amphibious
3. Unpleasant fishy personal aroma detectable at 20' for 1d12 days or until vinegar bath
4. Sudden wholehearted devotion to unsavory fish god
5. Skin gets all wrinkled and convoluted for 1d12 hours, there is shrinkage
6. Once back on dry land, hounded incessantly by seagulls
7. Tentacular suckers appear on hands and feet bestowing variety of pros/cons
8. Mollusk brain: familiar mammalian values/thought patterns replaced by sinister alien mindset
9. Uncontrollable urge to adopt aquarium hobby
10. Undersea-sickness: debilitating nausea, loss of equilibrium for potion's duration, subject obscured by clouds of vomit
11. Lungs entirely vestigial, must take up permanent underwater habitation
12. Illusory experience of death by drowning at half potion's duration, actually OK but must be convinced via pain-in-the-ass debate, presentation of empirical evidence

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