OPERATION UNFATHOMABLE

Saturday, April 18, 2015

So Your Character is a JACKASS....

Optional rule for D&Dish RPGs: If when rolling 3d6 for the Charisma stat one rolls any three matching numbers on the dice (1-1-1, 2-2-2, etc.), the player must make a saving throw or their character is a JACKASS and must roll on the table below. Of course, a JACKASS with an exceptional Charisma score represents a monumental threat to both the adventuring party and the campaign world they share, and should only be run by a very responsible and cooperative player. A JACKASS may be of any class or alignment.

Note: Unless my math is faulty (always a strong chance), this provision will produce the chance of a JACKASS only 1 in 36 times, which, as we all know, grossly under-represents the real-world ratio of JACKASS to non-JACKASS.

d12
1. Rigid, seemingly arbitrary, occasionally bizarre personal code of conduct cited, chapter and verse, at every opportunity, especially where party's course of action may be affected
2. Goes on at great length about every ache, pain, lingering symptoms of STDs, quality and frequency of bodily functions, reportage pauses for important party business, resumes at every lull
3. Concocts delightful, gently disrespectful nicknames for everyone, persists well beyond period where this might be mildly amusing, comes up with fresh ones, even more insulting, if ordered to desist
4. Whether in the saloon, general store, magic shop, armor showroom, etc., always the first to offer to pick up the tab but, whoops, seems to have left gold pieces in other pantaloons (once again)
5. Considers self master of elocution, never passes up opportunity to lampoon less graceful speech of others, will immediately, thoughtlessly perform imitation of anyone met with unusual regional accent, foreign language, right to their face, somehow believes this endearing, finds self hilarious
7. Always belching and farting, finds self hilarious
8. Strident belief in equality, everyone equally inferior to self, subject certain no one can detect true feelings
9. Seems perfectly charming at first but before long everyone (except subject) realizes s/he doesn't give the tiniest crap about anyone else
10. All empathy reserved for personal use only, can't help laughing, taking inappropriate pleasure when others fall down, get injured in embarrassing ways, suffer humiliations, etc.
11. Gives appearance of pleasant affability until party secures sizable treasure, instantly transforms to irrational greed-hound incapable of understanding why s/he should't be entitled to choices items, lion's share
12. "Just being honest", never fails to announce newly discovered foibles of those around, tells it like it is with shocking lack of sensitivity, values own ideas highly, those of others, not so much, unless undeniably good, in which case they are swiftly, not-so-subtly appropriated

8 comments:

  1. Fantastic!
    I suggest that if a player rolls a Jackass character and they roll a trait which they themselves already have, then they roll a second time for an additional Jackass trait. This better represents real life, as people often have more than one Jackass trait ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmmm...most of the PCs I've seen could fall into one of these JACKASS-ery categories without the need for a trips roll.

    ReplyDelete
  3. So a natural 18 (6,6,6) is always a JACKASS?

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is pretty good. I may use this next campaign.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I make my players roll on this table. Last night a player rolled a triple 3 and I asked for a roll on this and they got the "left my gold in my other pants"

    ReplyDelete