Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Monumental Sculpture in the Underworld


Dressing for Underworld chambers of above-average vastness.

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1. Fertility temple of the Extinct Beetle civilization, tremendous iron ovipositor descends from ceiling, huge chromed eggs arranged in maze on sunken floor, seemingly obvious path as viewed from elevated entrance leads to death trap, obfuscated by optical illusion
2. Gigantic 3D sculpture of unknown rune-shape, encrusted w/gleaming semi-precious gemstones, laborious crowbarring required to harvest, if vandalized bitter semi-human ghost of designer materializes, expresses outrage at top of phantasmal lungs
3. Towering bas relief of three-headed dragon stands in human-like pose of utter superiority, heads aimed at spot just before chamber exit between legs but fired off its last blast of lightning ages ago, clever cave giant hides keys in different mouth each day
4. Marble-hewn memorial depicts squad of non-human warriors, noble aspect despite really weird noses, googly eyes, marching towards unknown doom, clutch corroded steel weapons in stone hands, glow dimly if restored, enchanted to destroy monsters now extinct
5. Pack of stone humanoids led on chains by poorly wrought eyeball-and-tentacle outer being like one of those professional dog-walkers 
6. Walk-in replica of pre-human skull with museum displays inside explaining functions, inherent weaknesses of spongy model brain in an unknown language
7. Vast upthrust inhuman fist of polished marble clutching countless tiny humans, surrounded by heaps of tiny humans in various states of brokenness, a real bummer 
8. Huge miniature keep on one side of cavern, shining model citadel on the other, expeditionary force of 6" statues of monster soldiery halfway across chamber
9. 30' tall lightning bug sculpture illuminates cavern with liquid chemicals in abdominal tank, translucent crystal belly may be breached, huge pain in the ass, readily-weaponized fluid sears flesh upon contact 
10. Giant-sized bronze sculpture of caveman in Yuri Gagarin-style spacesuit donning helmet, exudes Classical nobility, an admirable, incredibly ancient, work 
11. Cyclopean, hyper-realistic representation of terrifying, super-badass demons bowing down in unmistakable supplication on either side of gaping passage
12. Titanic three-toed boot stamping on stylized human face (forever)

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