OPERATION UNFATHOMABLE

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

How to Spot an Elf in Mixed Company

Is she or isn't she?

Roll several times, start profiling.

d12
1. Ears aren't always pointy, but tend toward the unusual
2. Friendships and social circles lack diversity, also: tight pants
3. They smell like candy
4. Statements in conversation often twice as long as they need to be, loaded with crafty yet totally unnecessary poetic flourishes
5. You get the feeling they keep forgetting your name on purpose
6. Sometimes they're really good at archery, but they're always really good at something
7. Always orders off-menu, never picks up the tab, noticeably tipsy after first round but never gets drunker
8. A certain indefinable snootiness about their manner plus really bad avant garde hairstyles
9. Frequently laughing, big and boisterous, but never tell or seem to get jokes
10. A weird combination of physical beauty and total unsexiness
11. Never freak out no matter how much you provoke them
12. They see right through your bullshit

2 comments:

  1. + Needlessly needles the dwarf.
    + Stares at you as you drift off to sleep, then is still staring at you when you awaken.
    + Vegan, and let's everybody know about it.
    + Makes vows of suspiciously long duration (e.g. "I shall ward these woods until this stream carves that boulder in twain."
    + Is vaguely aware of having a great number of "half-kids," but really can't be bothered with parenting. Or recalling their names.
    + Awkward reunions with geriatric "half-kids."

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