Thursday, July 26, 2018

The Sorcerer Never Leaves Home without It

Humanoid minions, inability to suffer fools gracefully: the sorcerer's curse

1. Full fifth of booze magically condensed to fit in thumb-sized vial for discrete post-casting stiff ones as needed
2. Semi-animate shrunken head of former mentor for consultation
3. Two sets of goggles: one that magnifies as per binoculars, the other does the opposite
4. Set of normcore regular joe clothing magically folded a zillion times and crammed into tiny chamber in ring like The Flash, unfolds explosively upon utterance of command word
5.  Fake suicide tablet to be deployed with maximum histrionic performance, renders form seemingly lifeless for period of 10 minutes, during which body exudes intolerable stench: a deal breaker for most looters and dungeon predators
6. One potion erases all spells from memory, follow-up potion contains liquefied memorizations of alternate spell set, saving throw vs. involuntary 8 hour nap required
7. Pocket-sized habitarium loaded with fireflies genetically modified to self-immolate like huge match heads upon command
8. Single-use explosive dagger detonates ten seconds after successful stab, works best when embedded in the back of an arch enemy
9. Invisible full-body hazmat suit with invisible filter mask attachment, proof against limited exposures to most slimes, oozes, puddings, jellies, noxious chemicals, airborne spores, etc., underlings die like dogs wondering why the sorcerer seems unaffected: priceless
10. Satchel of false credentials for several identities in each of the major kingdoms with notarized proof of alignment as appropriate
11. 1000 gold piece diamond secreted between cheek and gum
12. Golden crown riven in twain, automatically fuses back into original condition when placed upon the head of rube the sorcerer wants to convince is one of those Hidden Monarchs