Saturday, July 7, 2012

Unexpected Intrusions into the Standard Orc Lair

"Me stole helmet fair and square."

1. Ogre bounty hunters happily smashing their way to the chieftain's quarters to serve warrant from former employer for dereliction of duty: they will consider any bribes or interesting offers
2. Black pudding invasion: acting in concert as if directed by some remote agency, puddings choke the halls, killing and moving on w/out pause for digestion
3. Giant sub-draconic reptile has unintentionally wedged itself in a too-narrow passage, orcs contemplating the best approach, discussing recipes
4. Three infuriated stone giants concoct plans to extract kidnapped giant infant from the uncomfortably small spaces of the lair
5. Out-of-control local giant rat population has once again despoiled the entire stock of provisions and scamper about the lair w/impunity, hungry orc tempers flare
6. Chief's cousin and impoverished survivors of neighboring complex line the halls looking pathetic, granted temporary refugee status after adventurers trashed their lair, tensions rising between factions
7. High elf zealot, leader of separatist movement w/squad of kick-ass bodyguards, plots anti-elf treason w/orc chief
8. Barbarian whose dinged-up-but-still-magical helmet remains in the possession of orc warlord finds himself surrounded and half-filled with arrows, but still holding his own in an ultimately hopeless tactical position
9. Sorcerer and chiefs of staff pop in for a surprise inspection: orcs scramble to and fro in mad panic, tidying up, trying to look organized
10. Burrowing monstrosity breaches deepest area of lair, allowing access to abysmal depths and vice versa, disembodied spirits streaming in 
11. Partial corporeal manifestation of minor deity, taking time out of busy schedule to address the terrified troops
12. All the orcs are dead at the hands of marauding dopplegangers, now busy amusing themselves with a bit of (legitimate) cosplay


  1. As I think everyone has said or mentioned or wished, put these tables in categories and put it out on PDF and print. I think the masses demand it.

  2. Doppelgangers undermine legitimate cosplay.

  3. I'd be overjoyed with tags by simple subject area i.e. the above would be "locations" or something like that.

  4. Yes, get the PDF thing in your posts. (take my blog or Jeff's for example). Easy enough to plug into your template.

  5. Working on it. Thanks for commenting!

  6. I love #4 as the start of an adventure...and look forward to, while exploring, stumbling upon #3 someday.