Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Why so dour, dwarf?

1. Smaller than demi-human average pleasure centers in brain
2. Innate dwarf knowledge of life's dark underpinnings
3. Takes forever to digest anything due to metabolic imperatives
4. Serious beings just don't get off on screwing around
5. Reactionary stance re: elfish frivolity
6. Extremes of emotion inefficient not to mention unbecoming
7. The gods didn't make this universe for you to play in, man
8. Best not to get one's hopes up
9. Joviality and gem-cutting do not mix
10. Dwarf shoes crafted to be intentionally uncomfortable
11. Don't let the dwarf god catch you smiling
12. You think life sucks? Just wait until the afterlife!

Monday, July 30, 2012

Why the Ancient Empire Fell

1. Ultimate weapon invented and immediately implemented to full effect
2. Evolved intelligence just high enough to perceive the futility of it all
3. Victims of first unexpected return of the dinosaurs
4. Divine thumbs down: wave after wave of "natural" disasters
5. Created gigantic monsters to fight their battles: results inevitable
6. Sudden cosmic transition to currently known physical laws ruined everything
7. Institutional demon slavery led to genocidal revolt
8. Achieved such mastery of the physical world they got fat, lazy and subsequently forgot how to do everything
9. Gave peace a chance, then beat plowshares back into swords
10. Created trans-planar portal, permanently abandoned this crappy universe
11. Philosophical breakthrough: attained universal enlightenment, stopped reproducing
12. Partied themselves to death

Saturday, July 28, 2012

War Sorcery: Eldritch Bombs

1. Idiocy bomb: goes off with a resounding howl of mocking laughter, forces w/in range reduced to sub-moronic gibbering, yet retain full measure of self-confidence
2. Re-animation bomb: dead in area of effect rise to fight again
3. Berserk bomb: dropped on friendly forces to induce mass battle-madness
4. Wormhole bomb: tiny black hole instantly transports targeted troops to Carcosa or somewhere equally unpleasant
5. Reality bomb: triggers unpredictable shift in physical laws, a truly chaotic weapon for use at wit's end only
6. Fog of war bomb: following minor blast tornadic winds disseminate impenetrable fog that mutes sound as well
7. Illusion bomb: initial smoke cloud reveals such images as a battalion of giant warriors, saddled dragons with terror-knights astride, etc.
8. Cowardice bomb: radiation temporarily overrides courage, entire regiments shriek like terrified children as they flee the battlefield
9. Metal-eater bomb: explosion sends scintillant powder into air, destroys metal weapons, armor and implements at the molecular level
10. Tranquility bomb: blinding flash followed by shower of flower petals and glitter, all in area of effect totally blissed out
11. Death ray bomb: pitch black mushroom cloud, shock wave appears as onrushing cloud of screaming skulls
12. Hell-breach bomb: mutually assured destruction

Note on delivery system: most frequently dropped by trained pteranodons, aero-squid (high payload capacity), allied dragons or dirigible crews

Friday, July 27, 2012

Wandering the Dungeon Self-righteously

1. Lone paladin on one man anti-chaos crusade: scorched, bleeding, half his once-shining plate armor missing, crazed look of maniacal enthusiasm
2. Procession of sun god acolytes loaded down with implements of destruction en route to desecrate shrine of enemy deity
3. Victim of fantasy psychosis believes self to be messianic fulfilment of prophecy
4. Gaggle of adventurers bearing corpse of honored comrade: easily ticked off
5. Newly christened doom cultists prattle ceaselessly about their tedious conversion experiences
6. Back from the dead to everyone's surprise, the rightful heir to the dungeon
7. Plague doctor and medical assistants w/deceased specimen on stretcher gleefully race to laboratory
8. Envoy from underworld civilization makes way to surface w/message of campaign world-shattering importance
9. United Factions peacekeeping forces
10. Surface world prince w/full retinue & elite troopers on mission to rescue kidnapped noble
11. Imperial Dungeon Inspectors (actually impostors)
12. Hell-bent unicorn on mission of darkest vengeance against evil

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Dragon's State of Mind

1. Deep ennui mitigated only by the momentary twinkle of baubles, gewgaws and trinkets (amassed hoard comprised largely of shiny junk)
2. Bestial: if famished eats anything that moves; if sated chiefly concerned with defending territory, 1% chance of being concerned with reproduction
3. Egomaniacal but rather charming: intolerant of any more charming than itself
4. False modesty hides mean streak: likes to play with food, takes prisoners for personal amusement
5. Laconic detachment: Dragon With No Name, minimal dialogue, lots of disdainful grunting, shoots first
6. Ironic bemusement: reflects view that life is just a joke and one should at least try to see the humor in it
7. Scarred, bitter, resents the very cosmos that spawned it
8. Quite upset (see Something has Upset the Ancient Dragon)
9. Dispassionate, clinical yet curious: thinks of life as a science experiment, human data particularly interesting
10. Ablaze with generalized hostility, raging full-on
11. Unflappable: the 007 of dragons
12. Has convinced self of cool, collected condition, but just under the surface pent-up frustrations stand by to explode with volcanic force at the slightest provocation

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Sorcerer's Latest Research Breakthrough

1. Following treatment with precise ratio of disintegration and re-integration rays, now physically inhabits up to 3 planes of existence simultaneously
2. Faithful hound/troll hybrid: one hard-to-kill watchdog, eats man-kibble by the 50lb. sack
3. Iron golem spy satellite
4. Giant toad that eats/hauls/regurgitates large amounts of treasure on command
5. Disembodied wizard-brain-powered spell cannon: theoretically sound, field testing led to collateral damage to space-time continuum
6. Synthetic opiate: instantly addictive for dragons
7. Rod of dinosaur control
8. Ray of Fecundity: useful for propagating minions
9. Colony of domesticated giant bees: regard sorcerer as queen, produce jelly of longevity
10. Bracers of blasting: fire bolts of destructive energy, charged by human sacrifice
11. New plague contagion, cure: to be auctioned separately
12. Single new spell that would solve world food supply problems forever: shelved due to lack of interest

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Events in the All-Humanoid Olympiad

"Glaahh! Ashrakh got best seats available! You NO complain!"
1. Giant slug clean and jerk: extra challenging on account of all the writhing
2. Marathon wrestling: no holds barred, match lasts until one or both contestants drop dead
3. Artificial cave-in survival: a test of luck above all, a quality valued by most humanoids
4. Pain tolerance: contestants strapped to automatic agony inducers
5. Cockatrice round-up
6. One-legged race (stringent entrance requirements)
7. Speed regeneration: trolls only
8. Spider-bite endurance test
9. Competitive piercing
10. Synchronized beheading: more of an aesthetic thing really, somehow grandfathered in
11. Speed execution: a true athletic challenge, judged on number and quality of slayings w/in time limit
12. One-ton battle royale: unregulated combat to the death between forces of any composition within weight requirement (ex. 4 500lb. ogres vs. 40 50lb. goblins)

For additional events currently under consideration for entry see Underworld Sporting Events

Monday, July 23, 2012

Gonzo Class/Race, Additional

1. Disembodied brain: spell-like abilities, must be toted in ichor-filled jar by servitor/ally at low levels, crafts increasingly awesome golem-like housings w/experience
2. Sun-dweller: covetous and capricious man-shaped flames, grows in brightness, size and power until able to sustain itself for journey to nearest star to complete reproductive cycle
3. Black otter: swift, sleek and deadly man-sized intelligent weasels, able to learn use of human weapons w/experience
4. Looter: expert smash and grab artists, unmatched abililty to flee the scene, XP for aquiring loot w/out bloodshed
5. Smilopithecene: saber-toothed hominid, ferocious, poor impulse control
6. Hireling: XP granted for torches carried and treasure hauled, unerring trap detection w/advancement
7. Underworld ranger: skilled in underground/preternatural environent survival, tracking, tactics
8. Ghost: incorporeal remnant of fallen character, fear power (as spell) at level one, XP for scaring the hell out of things
9. Half-shoggoth: sustains man-shape most times, shoggs out when rattled
10. Anthropomorphic bluejay: vicious and fearless, eternal enmity w/anthropomorphic ducks and penguins
11. Slug folk: occasionally deranged slug folk join adventures, an excretion for any occasion
12. Dungeon philosopher: must defend thesis for advancement, see In the Philosopher's Spell Book

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Random Dead Bodies (Wilderness)

1. Hill giants in a heap w/drained vessels in their hands (they drank the Kool-Aid)
2. Numerous normal bats scattered about full of tiny black arrows
3. Circle of dead scavengers (hyenas, jackals, vultures, etc.) who failed their saves after sampling the decomposing abomination
4. Smashed sailing vessel w/full compliment of dead sailors: far from water, as if dropped from a great height
5. Adventuring party w/hirelings encased in some kind of hardened goo: seemingly frozen in mid-stride
6. Barbarian hunting party: skeletons & clothing intact, flesh melted clean away
7. Bat-winged dwarfs drop dead from out of the sky
8. Large number of small humanoids seem to have exploded individually
9. Several adventurers hang from (inanimate) tree, branches clenched around their necks
10. Hidden one-by-one under neatly piled leaves: perfectly intact naked human bodies painted w/elaborate mystic sigils
11. Warrior in shining armor marches on silently despite being stone dead
12. 100 ft. diameter death zone: withered trees & plants, fallen birds, deceased forest creatures, expired insects, even the microbes snuffed it within

Friday, July 20, 2012

It Luxuriates in the Great Caldera

1. Gestating giant sun-dweller egg
2. Ice titan on holiday loosens up strained muscles, sips drinks
3. Anaerobic bacterium the size of a house
4. Smoldering coal-cranes hunt flame-tongued cinder frogs
5. Blossoming garden of silicon-based vegetation including several black trees full of cherry-bombs
6. Team of lava dogs harnessed to sledge await the return of their master
7. Huge flaming ape
8. Antediluvian sorcerer-king in stasis, suspended in semi-permanent globe of invulnerability
9.  Sentient vapor: uses caldera as base of operations for terrorizing surface dwellers
10. Super-colony of adamant wasps
11. Colossal manta ray-like thermophage prevents massive eruption by constant feeding, defends self with jets of volcanic gases via dorsal vents, extrudes raw gems
12. Giant fire god dying of old age: immobilized by the ravages of eons, willing to whisper secrets to the reverent

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Current Favorite Items in the Dragon's Hoard

1. Dragon-size, talon-friendly scroll featuring transcriptions of various acknowledged classics of forbidden literature
2. Bejewelled sarcophagus from unknown civilization: intact but inert super-mummy within
3. Masterfully crafted miniature replica of fabled golden dragon temple
4. Nearly complete set of (singed) royal arms and armor from extinct clan displayed on dwarf mannequins in realistic action poses
5. Uncut ruby of astonishing size: likes to play with ideas for possible workings but can't commit
6. Thousands of gold pieces fused by dragon fire into single mass of dubious aesthetic value
7. Gold-dipped skull & tusks of mammoth suspended from the ceiling
8. Giant-king's platinum necklace of office (frequently worn by dragon)
9. Huge crimson diamond: imprisoned demon prince visible within
10. Zeus' false teeth on ornate obsidian stand
11. Hovering opalescent sphere of unknown origin: emits hypnotic white noise
12. Hyper-prism: impossible to count facets due to extra-dimensional nature, under sunlight projects searing heat ray, under moonlight produces cone of reanimation

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Haunting the Skies

1. Unidentified flying discs: actually bioluminescent aero-mollusks
2. Majestic mega-condor: soars at dizzying heights, domesticated for troop transport by the mountain lords
3. Cloud striders: like daddy-longlegs on a titanic scale
4. Eclipsers: swarms of bat-like spirits ready, willing and able to create artificial eclipses when the mood strikes them
5. Colossal aero-virus: patrols territory, spewing its foul seed on passing flocks of birds, aerial creatures
6. The stratopus: octopoid creature of tremendous size, suspended aloft by inflated gas-bag head, genius intellect, excellent camouflage
7. Ghost cloud: aggregate of disgruntled spirits joined together for maximum mayhem
8. Storm seeders: flying reptiles, capriciously issue loads of silver iodide bile into cloud banks
9. Sentient satellite: larger than average asteroid in low orbit, composition rich in living metal, overwhelming multiple personality issues
10. Cirrocumulus formation of flying skulls, hallmark of the death god ascendant
11. Vicious falcon-man pterodactyl wranglers
12. Sky barge drawn by one million individually tethered hummingbirds in a perpetual nectar-mist

Monday, July 16, 2012

Gentle and Kindly Abominations

1. Jolly old shoggoth: produces human-like head to put bipeds at ease, remarkable sense of humor, a real raconteur with anecdotes and sly references for any occasion
2. Giant mantis, toxic: exudes clouds of noxious pheromones, feeds exclusively upon the heads of evil men and monsters
3. Sentient man-size sea urchins have nothing but the best of intentions
4. Chaos-tainted giant razorback with great scything tusks and eight spider legs: allows abandoned pups to suckle at its zillion teats
5. Hill giant w/beetle head composes sonnets, observes and records the habits of birds
6. Giant subterranean worm enjoys cooperating with miners, personality and intellect of a faithful hound
7. Death yak: wouldn't hurt a fly (on purpose) despite venom-dripping recurved horns, gouts of flame from nostrils and stampeding hoofs, somewhat easily rattled
8. Perfectly reasonable, if continuously famished, disembodied giant maw
9. Indescribably eldritch trans-dimensional tentacular horror: spouts out life-affirming parables and screeds of wisdom to any who might listen
10. Saint Kong: fascinated by/protective of humans, likes helping construct monumental architecture, refined aesthetic sensibility
11. Piranha-faced anthropoids shrouded in black robes: pacifists, eat only creatures dead of natural causes
12. The hideous vampire Gandhi (accepts blood donations)

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Last Known Appearance of the Rogue Sorcerer

1. Levitated straight up into the stratosphere
2. Snapped bonds with superhuman strength and smashed the skulls of guards en route to public execution, escape obscured by sudden profusion of stinging mist
3. Stood atop racing smilodon, tossed guards aside, surged through city gates
4. Fled into the night w/many scrolls tucked beneath arms while Royal Library burned
5. Plunged gracefully into gaping maw of colossal worm while laughing maniacally
6. Shouted insults from battlement of private tower before the whole thing disappeared in maelstrom of blue luminance
7. Issued incoherent screed in public square, exploded in fiery flash after brief Q & A w/witnesses, coalesced into vast vaporous form over city, dissipated
8. Stabbed baron in back with poisoned blade at ceremony, vaulted city wall in single bound
9. Naked and muttering, staggered off into the wilderness
10. Body dangled limply while carried off on devil wings suddenly erupted from back
11. Over the course of days slowly became invisible and inaudible
12. Swelled to over fifty feet in height, issued contemptuous farewell, strode off toward the mountains

Saturday, July 14, 2012

The Isolated Village has a Dark Secret

1. Built upon ancient halfling burial ground
2. Barley fields must be soaked in sacrificial blood: every crime or misdemeanor carries death penalty
3. Dark lineage dating back to antediluvian civilization, secretly keep traditions alive, hatch schemes to depopulate region, stockpile poisons
4. Ubiquitous witchery: hexes and charms fly about willy nilly
5. Rampant perversity after nightfall, outsiders welcome
6. New generation of children preternaturally intelligent and fully in charge
7. Universally shared mutation: second mouth in chest concealed by tunic, mutter to each other in unknown language
8. Lycanthropy = STD
9. Celebrate monthly festival of murder
10. Militia drills by moonlight, seems to practice human wave tactics, visiting commanding officers of dubious aspect
11. Population descended from crashed starship crew, deranged captain kept artificially alive in forbidden hall
12. Whole village front for criminal enterprise: import/export contraband to subterranean enemies of humankind via entrance to underworld beneath grand mead hall

Friday, July 13, 2012

Something Has Upset the Ancient Dragon

1. Found religion but only just heard of requisite tithe for his income bracket
2. Unable to locate favored bauble, vaporized most of staff in accusatory huff, obsessively searching through hoard again and again
3. Injury to pride due to recent string of humiliating defeats on once-routine sorties against local settlements, still licking numerous arrow wounds
4. Nagging health issues: arthritic joints, wing troubles, diminishing fires, explosive coughing jags
5. Mating trouble: eligible suitors all unsatisfactory in one way or another, can't commit, expecting next contestant any minute
6. Preternatural dragon senses tingle with forebodings of doom, high anxiety, jumpy, trigger-happy
7. Psychological imbalance aggravated by deficiencies in dwarf-based diet: epic irrational rages over anything and everything
8. Hasn't been able to get a good fortnight's sleep in ages due to incessant howling of monster in dragon-inaccessible lair
9. Bamboozled out of nice chunk of hoard by expert confidence trickster
10. Lost huge wager over outcome of leadership change in nearby realm, new administration rumored to favor strong anti-draconic measures
11. Barely survived attempted coup led by demon major domo (dispatched)
12. Disobliging review of achievements in newly published history, ready to launch into obscenity-laced tirade of self-justification should anyone care to listen

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Occupants of the Colossal Ancient UFO Anchored to the Mountaintop

1. Bat-winged dwarfs stream out at night fall to forage for raw materials, scrap heap of ship's walls, superstructure forms on the slopes below, they've got some kind of weird project going on
2. Sorcerer's bio-lab: on board technologies retrofitted into Frankensteinian operation, results of experiments teleported to surface for eco-trials
3. Colossal spacemen inert upon their jump couches, may be revived by lightning bolt defibrillation
4. Haunted by ghosts of space-weary sojourners, delighted to impart cryptic knowledge
5. Warring deities from competing pantheons hoping to gain neo-Olympus-style HQ
6. Hopeful sky pirates and hired arcane talent work to gain control of ship's functions: planning careers as bungee raiders
7. Taken over by necromancer and his all-skeleton crew who hopes to drag Earth into the sun
8. Craft filled with water, set up to sustain aquatic life, original crew dead but their native bacteria fared better, have made bold evolutionary moves
9. Countless broomsticks hover nearby: site of the First Annual World Witchcraft Convention, by clandestine invite only
10. Interior filled with alien atmosphere: dire environmental consequences if released
11. Ship's anchor line enveloped in spider silk, every exterior nook and cranny acrawl w/giant arachnids drawn by a mysterious intelligence within
12. Occupants unknown due to ship's defenses automatically disintegrating anything that gets close

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Building Projects of the Stone Giants

1. The Great Henge Wall
2. Colossal anti-adventurer deadfalls
3. Titanic bowling alley
4. Network of impressive stone watchtowers
5. Giant's mountain concourse w/connecting bridges and staircases cut from living rock
6. Great mountain top reservoir w/aqueduct network
7. Automatic avalanche traps
8. Blocking off strategic mountain pass w/world's biggest heap of boulders
9. Huge stone effigy of stone god astride two peaks
10. Dragon-smasher, the ultimate trebuchet
11. Skyscraper-size mausoleum
12. "That's no mountain, it's a fortress!"

Monday, July 9, 2012

On or Around the Mighty Warrior's Carcass

1. Unbelievable number of concealed daggers
2. Packet of herbal virility enhancer
3. Pot of analgesic body balm
4. Several pounds of high protein tusky behemoth jerky
5. Bottle half-filled with caustic war draught: enhances strength, endurance, ferocity
6. War log featuring crude drawings of various weird creatures followed by tally marks
7. Fancy shaving kit w/trimmers, fine whale bone comb, mustache wax
8. Sealed tube containing professionally scribed document w/elaborate funerary instructions
9. Stoppered vial of cauterizing agent: staunches blood when applied to wounds
10. Tincture of spider venom: builds immunity when sipped daily
11. Escape razor stashed in wrist wrappings
12. Mummified ogre ear on leather cord around neck: momento of early victory

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Semi-unknown Were-things

Transforms into anthropoidal parody of....
1. Rooster
2. Ape
3. Butterfly
4. Badger
5. Worm
6. Swine
7. Devil
8. Paramecium
9. Lamprey eel
10. Whale
11. Virus
12. Famous monarch

...when triggered by...
1. Solstice/equinox
2. Ascending constellation
3. Toll of church bells
4. Sundown
5. Return of predictably regular comet
6. Exposure to subterranean gases
7. Hunger pangs
8. Thunderstorms
9. Sudden highly-charged emotion
10. Pain/injury
11. Victory at arms
12. At will

1. Hunger for flesh
2. Thirst for blood
3. Killing for sport
4. Self-destruction
5. War on property
6. Urge to smash the state
7. Hell-bent on undermining religion/desecrating shrines
8. Must reproduce w/human host
9. Evil oratory
10. Seeks to irritate and disrupt
11. Attention-seeking behavior
12. Looking to merely humiliate/satirize humanity

Can only be destroyed by...
1. Random metal (d12: 1-2 copper, 3-4 electrum 5-6 gold, 7-8 platinum 9-10 unalloyed iron 11-12 space metal)
2. Several thousand pounds of crushing force
3. Lightning strike
4. Withering criticism
5. Overdose of opiates
6. Severe food allergy
7. True love
8. Gluttony
9. Empathy for the innocent
10. Exposure to moon dust
11. A certain song
12. Large sums of money

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Unexpected Intrusions into the Standard Orc Lair

"Me stole helmet fair and square."

1. Ogre bounty hunters happily smashing their way to the chieftain's quarters to serve warrant from former employer for dereliction of duty: they will consider any bribes or interesting offers
2. Black pudding invasion: acting in concert as if directed by some remote agency, puddings choke the halls, killing and moving on w/out pause for digestion
3. Giant sub-draconic reptile has unintentionally wedged itself in a too-narrow passage, orcs contemplating the best approach, discussing recipes
4. Three infuriated stone giants concoct plans to extract kidnapped giant infant from the uncomfortably small spaces of the lair
5. Out-of-control local giant rat population has once again despoiled the entire stock of provisions and scamper about the lair w/impunity, hungry orc tempers flare
6. Chief's cousin and impoverished survivors of neighboring complex line the halls looking pathetic, granted temporary refugee status after adventurers trashed their lair, tensions rising between factions
7. High elf zealot, leader of separatist movement w/squad of kick-ass bodyguards, plots anti-elf treason w/orc chief
8. Barbarian whose dinged-up-but-still-magical helmet remains in the possession of orc warlord finds himself surrounded and half-filled with arrows, but still holding his own in an ultimately hopeless tactical position
9. Sorcerer and chiefs of staff pop in for a surprise inspection: orcs scramble to and fro in mad panic, tidying up, trying to look organized
10. Burrowing monstrosity breaches deepest area of lair, allowing access to abysmal depths and vice versa, disembodied spirits streaming in 
11. Partial corporeal manifestation of minor deity, taking time out of busy schedule to address the terrified troops
12. All the orcs are dead at the hands of marauding dopplegangers, now busy amusing themselves with a bit of (legitimate) cosplay

Friday, July 6, 2012

Found Mixed Among the Desirable Scrolls & Tomes

1. Cursed Scroll of Gibberish: reader must save or lose power of speech but for random lunatic jabber, receptive language skills remain intact
2. Libram of Efficacious Debasement: new methods for utilizing/dispensing with conquered enemies
3. Instructions on acquisition and maintenance of servitors/hirelings: signed by author, a sorcerer of some repute, study grants bonus to quantity and quality of retainers
4. Doctrines of the Ascetics vol. 4, Self-flagellation: A Double-edged Sword?
5. Unspeakable Recipes
6. Demon Worship Among the Dawn Peoples: 100% baseless speculation
7. Unabridged History of the Slug Folk: 1000% more proper names than The Silmarillion, abundant w/tedious, highly repetitive minutiae of utterly pedestrian slug folk lives
8. Full transcripts from the Imperial Investigative Commission's findings on the nebulous menace of Neutrality
9. Cursed Scroll of Illiteracy: reader must save or lose the ability to read and write, must be re-educated from scratch, manifests temporary child-like innocence
10. Bring them Down: The Knee-Jerk Blasphemer's Guide to Anti-Theism
11. Encyclopedia of Dungeon Brain Teasers, completely scribbled over and solved
12. Collected Fragments of Folk Wisdom & Philosophy from the First Stone Age: turns out they didn't know anything worth a damn

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Sentient Liquids, Gases and Vapors

1. Black mist: hovers near burial grounds, primarily a scavenger, sucks remaining life-force from the recently dead, drains power from the living in self-defense, flees from clergy
2. Miasmoids: swamp dwelling spirits barely tethered to the material plane, craft incredible fen-dirges in hundred-part harmony, innate ability to command reptiles/amphibians
3. Vermilion seepage: animate blood created by arcane misadventure, attracted to sugar, very shy
4. Gust devils: capricious beings from the wind plane, infest dungeons and delight in extinguishing torches, slamming doors
5. Cosmic gas being: native to interstellar space, claim to be the first living sentience, occasionally impersonate deities while on planet-safari, find terrestrial life hilarious
6.  Grease dogs: hound-shaped masses of oil set to guard treasures, etc, overwhelm and suffocate foes, easy to ignite but will create much mayhem
7. Radiant stream: far below ground, glowing waters trickle in self-feeding circle of eroded passageways, converses via disembodied voice, values quietude, tranquility, enlightenment
8. Time cloud: unstuck in the continuum, encourage fellow beings to pass through them into a null-time zone where they will be treated to continuous monologue
9. Levitating Protoplasmic Sphere: found in the deepest dungeons, wise beyond mortal ken, communicates via telepathy, engaging in lengthy conversation may improve wizardly abilities, teach spells
10. Mist Lords: may be encountered singly or collectively as fog-like bank, always at sea, extremely territorial, avoided by wise sailors
11. Spectral haze: demi-material intelligences that like to pretend to be ghosts
12. Giant bubbles of cleanliness: sorcerer's experiment gone feral, they live to scour dungeon corridors

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Items Hidden in the Evil Priest's Vestments

1. Emergency back-up holy symbols representing alternate faiths
2. Stolen documents from rival sect detailing planned acts of terrorism
3. Ritual tattooing kit designed for maximum mortification of the flesh, excruciating discomfort
4. Medallion w/secret sub-cult insignia for ID purposes
5. Hastily scrawled notations in mini-commonplace book re: recent troubling dreams, waking visions, possible interpretations
6. Miniature censer and dried herbs for sacramental inhalations
7. Disguise kit for escaping otherwise hopeless situations: robe reversible w/smart seersucker interior, finely crafted false nose, extravagant fake mustache
8. In small pouch around neck: ash and tiny bone fragments retrieved from sacrificial incineration of former allies/family members
9. Rune-inscribed razor and empty vials in small leather case for ritual phlebotomy
10. Wooden tally stick w/hash marks for each soul successfully delivered to wicked deity
11. Keys to sub-temple level: armory, treasury, secret library, stockpiled provisions for prolonged siege, demi-living guardian zealots
12. Packet of enchanted incendiary pellets for emergency self-immolation, mint condition (one tends to save this option for unimaginably dire circumstances)

Monday, July 2, 2012

Stalking the City by Night

1. Sewer dragon (flightless): like a giant hellbender with dagger-like fangs, expels paralysis-inducing plegm through nostrils in gouts of surprising range, astonishing treasure hoard
2. Gaggles of young aristocrats on a binge escorted by bloodthirsty and entirely competent body guards
3. Demons of revelry: seem suave, pally, affable fellows, always buying until you're drunk and helpless
4. Street slime: opportunistic predator able to flawlessly mimic cobblestone (or whatever)
5. Swarm of sub-miniature stirges: warded off by expensive caustic balm, cash reward available for extermination
6. Ravishing ogre maiden and brutish entourage seeking former suitor now in hiding
7. The Midnight Sage: dispenses all manner of esoteric knowledge, charges exhorbitant fees, protected by local crimelord
8. Diminutive alley troll: adapted for ambush-and-flee urban predation, solitary, lair in carefully concealed burrows beneath out of the way alleys
9. Talent scouts/recruiting agents for newly formed Cutthroats Guild
10. The Vampire Dandy and his hench-fops: a blast to hang out with, obvious risks notwithstanding
11. The Invisible Drunkard
12. Partied-out party of adventurers finally deciding to find a safe place to stash their loot

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Target of the Sorcerer's Contracted Assassin(s)

1. Imperial Librarian who hires killers of his own to whack the sorcerer for overdue materials
2. Certain thief who made off with hereditary spell book of inordinate sentimental value
3. Former mentor for capricious lies and disinformation leading to much grief (and unpleasant mutations)
4. Former familiar gone turncoat: unnaturally large and intelligent crow with wicked ambitions of its own
5. Arcanophagus the spell-drinking demon: becomes loutish drunk after throwing back too many spells
6. High priest of Cult of Law responsible for wanton destruction of numerous intriguing arcane items
7. Current owner of the Spell Stele of the pre-Antlanteans
8. Evil and intelligent feline once the property of successfully assassinated rival
9. All fools everywhere, who shall be suffered poorly in the meantime
10. The barbarian who slew everyone else in sorcerer's graduating class
11. Dragon hoarding entirety of artifacts remaining from antedivuvian mollusc civilization
12. All other sorcerers, done one at a time and using the widest possible variety of methods, gratuitous torture encouraged