Thursday, January 30, 2014

Also in the Mad Wizard's Menagerie

1. Glass dome containing mated pair of hovering jellyfish with human mouths, capable of startling mimicry, otherwise sing unfathomable chanteys in two-part harmony
2. Furry iguana-like reptile in refrigerated snow globe w/notepad and stylus, reads and writes several languages, over series of notes re: rescue from wizard makes claim of innate cartographic mastery
3. Disembodied brain in vat no longer remembers former identity, uses telepathy to request speedy termination
4. Still-defiant Yuri Gagarin in tattered spacesuit in lush habitarium, chained to wall, beaten half to death, depressed human female, latest attempted breeding partner, also present
5. Tank filled with tiny starfish-like creatures swarming around miniature rocket-shaped building project, beings consume gravel substrate of tank, extrude needed parts, still require human adrenal glands for fuel
6. Magical zero gravity sphere houses hive of void bees whose hypnotic movements enhance human intelligence if viewed for prolonged period
7. Cage, appointed stylishly, detains seemingly motionless body of world's oldest lich, conscious on couch, alert but no longer able to do anything but slowly desiccate
8. Just a cute little mouse in a terrarium that periodically vomits up a massive black pudding, automatic suction tubes swoop in to incarcerate puddings in huge sub-surface tank
9. The eldest dwarf, a literal living fossil almost entirely mineral now, sits unrestrained in open display, occasionally muttering history lessons in outrageous accent
10. Phosphorescent vapor-being, native to distant gas giant, can transmute matter on molecular level but requires fresh soul-stuff as nourishment
11. Completely friendly owlbear on long chain will forcibly (if lovingly) attempt beak-to-mouth feeding of passersby w/half-digested chow from nightmarish slough-trough
12. Goose that lays high explosive eggs


  1. All hail: most gonzo post thus far!

  2. The masters are clearing out a wing in Warehouse 23 for this collection as we speak.