Saturday, February 1, 2014

Expensive Hirelings

These unique experts require exorbitant sums (left to referee's fiscal policies) to retain but may be well worth it. Strict labor standards forbid them from combat but most will carry torches/treasure for a nominal additional fee.

1. Pitfinder General: wizened ex-fighter in padded wheelchair w/uncanny knack for finding/falling into/somehow surviving pitfalls, solid chance of sixth-sensing other traps as well
2. Imperial underworld surveyor: expert cartographer provides accurate maps of explorations, under orders to report treasures found to Dept. of Revenue but always open to generous bribes
3. Professional volunteer: desperate gambler w/host of lethal collections agents on trail, addicted to pressing luck in questionable circumstances, stands by until needed, bargains for services on case-by-case basis
4. Monster's best friend: repulsive to humans but nigh-irresistibly charismatic to unsavory subhuman types, ogres and giants find him especially amusing
5. Muscle-fists: hands nearly size of head, dislikes carrying treasure but can't be beat for ripping doors off hinges, bending bars, lifting portcullises, etc.
6. Disembodied wizard head no longer able to cast spells but due to irreversible arcane brain damage can intuit translation of any language, comes w/headless zombie porter
7. Professional point man: full-body fungal infection protects from/absorbs/regenerates most damage, lacks any other skills, about as bright as average fungus
8. Human bloodhound: huge nostrils, able to acquire/interpret olfactory information w/astounding skill, smells a bit himself
9. Certified treasure arbitrator: parties w/in-fighting problems might wish to avail themselves of services, offers dead-on assessment, suggests optimal divisions, keeps books, embezzles near-undetectably
10. Ironguts: former imperial food taster able to discern this from that w/no ill effects, 1 in 6 chance of sudden death each day from cumulative effects of innumerable poisonings
11. Bat Ears: turned to bat by witch, reversal semi-successful, hears right through doors, around corners, emits damaging high-frequency shriek if rattled, eats bugs
12. Goldeater: burly mutant with ability to store/retrieve surprising quantities of treasure in digestive tract when discretion is prudent