What the Well-Dressed Dragon is Wearing this Season

d12
1. Pictogram tattoos covering wing-membranes depicting self-congratulatory episodes from dragon's career, small army of tattoo artists often imprisoned nearby
2. Sealed, tinted goggles, nostril plugs linked by tubes to air tanks on back ostensibly for extreme high altitude exploration missions, but look so cool they've caught on
3. False fangs of titan ivory, elaborately scrimshawed w/various symbols of death/power, must be removed for comprehensible speech
4. Stylish, if frequently unnecessary, bejeweled eye patch
5. Timeless elegance of simple necklace of paladin skulls
6. Cast-iron wrecking ball on tail-extending prosthetic in variety of pleasing/spiky shapes
7. Claws painted in baroque detail by kidnapped artist who, by way of Stockholm syndrome/strange simpatico, has become dragon's only true friend
8. Grand Pope-style hat, encrusted with shiny bits, affixed to jaw by strap, size indicates expansiveness of lair
9. Woven gold body-stocking gives the luxurious feel of sleeping atop heap of riches w/out all the disorderly mess
10. Decorative body harness of giant reptile leather, polished steel plates situated over vital areas add protective value to otherwise encumbering get-up
11. It's all about epaulets this season
12. Offensive overdose of highly objectionable dinosaur-musk cologne, completely eradicates tell-tale dragon stench, but at what cost?