d12
1. Divulges personal information of caster
2. Rattles off locations of unguarded treasure
3. Solves math problems with 100% accuracy
4. Topical stand up comedy routine
5. Sings lullaby ad nauseum
6. Repeatedly attempts to place dinner order
7. Warns of nearby traps
8. Dispenses monster-fighting advice straight from the MM
9. Spews incomprehensible gibberish in hysterical tone
10. Babbles a stream of cutsie-pie baby talk
11. Dictates contents of caster's spell book in repeating loop
12. Begins counting down from 100 in voice of 1950's sci-fi robot
#6 is the best. Even better a Chinese food order.
ReplyDelete"Why can't you deliver the soup? Can I substitute it for a couple egg rolls? No subs, huh? I was talking to myself.. nevermind. Yes, I still want to place the order. No, I don't want to pay $2 extra for fried rice... can you please just put the soup in a cup or something? Now wait.. how can I not substitute egg rolls for the soup? You'll let me substitute the fried rice though! Oh, yeah... $2 extra. No wait! I don't want the fried rice. I was thinking out loud again. Yes, I still want to order..."
Shit..