Sealed in the Antediluvian Vault

d12
1. Sets of fine clothing and other adornments that could only be worn by something shaped like a diplodocus
2. Crystalline Chestplate Unremovable: once donned insinuates itself into the host's tissues, tampering with systems to grant unlimited lifespan
3. Mantle of the Frog Priest: wearer instantly recognized by frogs and toads as supreme overlord, to be fawned over and obeyed to the very limits of their ability to comprehend
4. Fossilized mummy of unbelievably ancient monarch, psyche remains intact and eager for human contact, not at all unbalanced by zillions of years of entombment
5. Enchanted Stone Axe of Bisection: cleaves victim in twain on a critical hit, humans must use two-handed
6. Obsidian flask with arcane stopper: contains sample of primordial soup from the dawn of life, each droplet loaded with bio-materials capable of setting off new Cambrian-type explosion
7. Array of unknown musical instruments built for inhuman hands, each capable of producing different psychiatric effect when sounded
8. Preserved brains of antediluvian celebrities
9. Arrangement of stone stelae each inscribed with a primitive spell (Hold Smilodon, Create Jerky, Magic Bludgeon, Charm Mammoth, Survive Winter etc.)
10. Dessicated corpse of scientist/would-be treasure hunter from the far future, gamma gun still holds one charge, broken time-travel belt
11. Amulet of the Void: allows wearer to survive long sojourns though the cold vacuum of space (works equally well in crushing oceanic depths)
12. Shimmering translucent field holding dinosaur wizard in stasis

Yes, Even More Potions

d12
1. Potion of Mindless Frenzy: imparts the strength and ferocity of a raging giant while rendering subject intellectually negligible, unable to speak or make even the simplest judgement calls
2. Fizzy Drink of Ocular Autonomy: causes eyeballs to leave their moorings and levitate freely about at user's command so long as spiritual optic nerve remains intact
3. Nostrum of Speedy Recovery: accelerates natural healing tenfold for 1d12 days (caloric requirements, hair and nail growth similiarly affected)
4. Draught of the Giraffe: causes the neck of the imbiber to extend to 10 feet in length for 1d12 minutes
5. Tincture of Unendurable Hideousness: temporarily transmutes head into that of catoblepas
6. Elixir of Instant Elegance: creates the illusion of savior-faire in even the most vulgar individuals
7. Beverage of the Godlings: grants indomitable strength, genius intellect, divine speed, sage-like wisdom, superhuman robustness and preternatural personal allure for a period of 1d12 minutes
8. Potion of the Mighty Blow: swells fist of user Popeye-like for single crushing, knock-out punch
9. Potion of Extra Limbs: allows user to spontaneously generate up to two fully functional extra arms, legs, tentacles, claws, whatever
10. The Devil's Potation: compels good creatures to evil acts and evil creatures to top themselves
11. Potion of Spectral Foetor: user emits repulsive stench that causes flesh-eating undead to helplessly flee
12. The Desperate Measure: drinker able to act at thrice normal speed for one hour then dies

Enchanted Dungeon Equipment

d12
1. Fifty foot rope, smart: obeys simple commands, slithers along with party like friendly snake
2. Backpack of effortlessness: renders items placed within weightless
3. Pitons of security: single blow drives them, giant strength required to remove
4. Flint and steel, eldritch sparking: throws mighty spark ten feet, capable of blinding/causing minor burns/igniting oil
5. Flask of oil, extradimensional: holds up to a gallon of fuel
6. Ten foot pole, extensible: up to twenty feet, also collapses to one foot rod at need
7. Caltrops, fecund: once placed, double in number every ten minutes for one hour
8. Wineskin of inexplicable upgrading: turns water into wine, wine into brandy, brandy into spirits
9. Torch of fiery vengeance:  hurls flame up to ten feet, expands/diminishes on command
10. Grappling hook, self-guided: can serve as improvised magic weapon in a pinch
11. Animate sponge of automatic personal hygiene: every armor-wearing character should have one, at least
12. Rations, Epicurean: utterly austere, rock hard tack imparts illusion of lavish, soul-restoring meal

Cursed Items Most Terrible

d12
1. Spear of Undue Enthusiasm: terrific attack and damage bonus, user must continually resist urge to immediately shriek out battle cry and attack any enemy, regardless of numbers/advantage/etc.
2. Raygun of Instantaneous Exploding: erupts in blinding white hot blast followed by mushroom cloud when triggered, players duly warned off science-fantasy tropes
3. Bracers of Inconsolable Weeping: provide outstanding protection, but user slowly succumbs to despair until collapsing into disconsolate heap
4. Arrows of Collateral Damage: on a successful attack, does maximum damage to randomly determined comrade (or self, if alone)
5. Wand of Lightning and Amnesia: discharge renders the user as tabula rasa
6. Boots of Speed and Self-destruction: if, while zooming around, user approaches a cliff/high castle wall/etc. they must resist urge to fling themselves to oblivion
7. Helm of Impromptu Public Speaking: provides excellent cranial security but compels the wearer to make feelings known loudly and at all the wrong moments
8. Gleaming Mail of Utter Immobility: once donned, paralyzes muscles of wearer until removed by associates/enemies
9. Rod of Instant Megalomania: enhances charisma and self opinion to preternatural level, equally diminishing regard for fellows
10. Ring of Vanishing: wearer rendered invisible because of instant teleportation to unpleasant dimension of the referee's choice
11. Executioner's Axe of Unintentional Beheading: successful attack severs head from shoulders of randomly determined person w/in range
12. Girdle of Continuous Constriction: grants significant bonus to physical strength while gradually crushing innards

Items on the Witch's Utility Belt

d12
1. Capsules filled with weaponized green slime powder
2. Small sack of rabid vampire bats conditioned to swarm, bite and obscure on command
3. Miniature quiver w/bundles of throwing needles envenomed with dream toxin
4. Ornate gorgon-bone snuff box with dose of powerful witch stimulant
5. Case of surgical implements of the finest quality
6. Roll of living twine capable of independent action
7. Wicked curved dagger with refillable reservoir of poison in pommel
8. Animate, levitating homunculus skull on twenty foot tether
9. Wineskin filled with fermented blood cordial
10. Pulsating adrenal gland of the swamp leviathan
11. Extra high-luminosity candles for Jack-O-Lantern
12.Satchel of child jerky and bone meal hard tack

Things in the Giant Carnivorous Bowerbird's Display

Bowerbirds: I was totally ignorant until enlightened by David Attenborough

d12
1. Awesome center piece: missing fragment of powerful artifact, much sought after by variety of factions
2. Carefully arranged stacks of human-type skulls
3. Pair of extra-large gongs of various description, each fit for the most opulent palace
4. Stone tablets inscribed w/scientific knowledge recorded by prehumans naturally talented in astrophysics
5. Tastefully scattered heaps of golden treasures
6. Dessicated husks of giant spiders in menacing poses
7. Polearms of every stripe jammed into the ground business end up
8. Huge feathers plucked from the carcasses of rival males
9. Stacks of plate armor, shields: slightly worse for wear
10. Wagon wheels and axles upon which unfortunate travellers spin secured by lengths of flowering vines
11. Entrails of various origin dangling from bower superstructure
12. Imperial army helmets in semi-circular design, sorted by rank

Helms to Astonish

d12
1. Closed helm featuring faceplate shaped as grotesque caricature of cherubic infant face, enchanted to emit piercing wails that disrupt enemies as confusion spell
2. Black steel skull cap w/ bat ears, grants wearer echolocation sense at will
3. Huge bronze dome fashioned in the image of convoluted cerebral tissues: enhances intellect, allows comprehension of ancient languages
4. Scorpion-shaped helm w/animated stinger that fires 3 unerring magic missiles daily
5. Steel cap of occular enhancement: array of monocles mounted on multiple swivel arms provide variety of optical lenses (telescopic, microscopic, night vision, see invisible, etc.)
6. Turtle shell helm of cowardice: enchantment allows user to disappear into the confines of extra-dimensional shell, protected as globe of invulnerability
7. Architect's helm: obelisk-shaped, grants ability to intuit layout of structures, sense thickness of walls, inclines/declines, enhances secret door detection, etc.
8. Helm of Mastery: steel eyeball encloses head, projects mind-control rays from hypno-wheel iris
9. Truth helm: shaped as Devo energy dome, wearer automatically detects lies/deception/sees through obfuscation
10. Invisible helm: separated from ancient hero's suit of invisible plate, gives appearance of headlessness
11. Closed helm w/elongated pig snout: allows wearer to smell through doors, detect truffles
12. Live armadillo-like creature clings tenaciously to head, gives tactical advice, provides encouragement, sacrifices self to protect wearer from otherwise deadly blow

Choice Items in the Dungeon Garbage Pit

d12
1. One boot of speed
2. Partially melted and re-hardened enchanted sword, attack bonus negated, still good against creatures only affected by magic weapons
3. Fossilized skull of primordial lich: still crackling w/arcane potency
4. Dented cans of high protein deep dwarf chow
5. Torn trousers w/vial of poison carelessly left in pocket
6. Whale ivory leg prosthetic, magically warded against sea-mammals
7. Half-eaten fruit of the Forbidden Bush of Enlightenment
8. Charred scroll case w/slightly damaged scroll inside (roll once on Unknown Spells)
9. Water damaged ledger partially reveals strained financial situation of nearby dragon
10. Miniature flying saucer, systems deactivated, tiny crew turned to stone after chance encounter
11. Perfectly good false mustache
12. Smashed robot head w/single operational laser-eye

Enchanted Missile Weapons of Renown

d12
1. Arrow of Availability: once bonded w/owner, reappears in quiver within a minute of being removed for any reason
2. Throwing knives, artery-seekers: target must save or begin to bleed out if struck
3. Smart boomerang: hits up to 3 enemies/use and returns
4. Ricochet-shot sling bullet (hits up to four targets)
5. Rocket-propelled javelin: single use, accurate up to five times normal range
6. Atlatl of Caveman Strength
7. Throwing axe of appendage severing: random bits go flying on critical hit
8. Crossbow Bolt of Chaos: delivers random mutation on successful hit
9. The crag giant earl's lucky magic boulder of smashing
10. Catapult-load of sleep-inducing pixie dust (made from real ground pixies)
11. Screaming demon ballista bolt of intimidation
12. Holy hurling stone of accuracy: palm sized, smooth, a terrific rock indeed

Current Favorite Items in the Dragon's Hoard

d12
1. Dragon-size, talon-friendly scroll featuring transcriptions of various acknowledged classics of forbidden literature
2. Bejewelled sarcophagus from unknown civilization: intact but inert super-mummy within
3. Masterfully crafted miniature replica of fabled golden dragon temple
4. Nearly complete set of (singed) royal arms and armor from extinct clan displayed on dwarf mannequins in realistic action poses
5. Uncut ruby of astonishing size: likes to play with ideas for possible workings but can't commit
6. Thousands of gold pieces fused by dragon fire into single mass of dubious aesthetic value
7. Gold-dipped skull & tusks of mammoth suspended from the ceiling
8. Giant-king's platinum necklace of office (frequently worn by dragon)
9. Huge crimson diamond: imprisoned demon prince visible within
10. Zeus' false teeth on ornate obsidian stand
11. Hovering opalescent sphere of unknown origin: emits hypnotic white noise
12. Hyper-prism: impossible to count facets due to extra-dimensional nature, under sunlight projects searing heat ray, under moonlight produces cone of reanimation

On or Around the Mighty Warrior's Carcass

d12
1. Unbelievable number of concealed daggers
2. Packet of herbal virility enhancer
3. Pot of analgesic body balm
4. Several pounds of high protein tusky behemoth jerky
5. Bottle half-filled with caustic war draught: enhances strength, endurance, ferocity
6. War log featuring crude drawings of various weird creatures followed by tally marks
7. Fancy shaving kit w/trimmers, fine whale bone comb, mustache wax
8. Sealed tube containing professionally scribed document w/elaborate funerary instructions
9. Stoppered vial of cauterizing agent: staunches blood when applied to wounds
10. Tincture of spider venom: builds immunity when sipped daily
11. Escape razor stashed in wrist wrappings
12. Mummified ogre ear on leather cord around neck: momento of early victory

Found Mixed Among the Desirable Scrolls & Tomes

d12
1. Cursed Scroll of Gibberish: reader must save or lose power of speech but for random lunatic jabber, receptive language skills remain intact
2. Libram of Efficacious Debasement: new methods for utilizing/dispensing with conquered enemies
3. Instructions on acquisition and maintenance of servitors/hirelings: signed by author, a sorcerer of some repute, study grants bonus to quantity and quality of retainers
4. Doctrines of the Ascetics vol. 4, Self-flagellation: A Double-edged Sword?
5. Unspeakable Recipes
6. Demon Worship Among the Dawn Peoples: 100% baseless speculation
7. Unabridged History of the Slug Folk: 1000% more proper names than The Silmarillion, abundant w/tedious, highly repetitive minutiae of utterly pedestrian slug folk lives
8. Full transcripts from the Imperial Investigative Commission's findings on the nebulous menace of Neutrality
9. Cursed Scroll of Illiteracy: reader must save or lose the ability to read and write, must be re-educated from scratch, manifests temporary child-like innocence
10. Bring them Down: The Knee-Jerk Blasphemer's Guide to Anti-Theism
11. Encyclopedia of Dungeon Brain Teasers, completely scribbled over and solved
12. Collected Fragments of Folk Wisdom & Philosophy from the First Stone Age: turns out they didn't know anything worth a damn

Items Hidden in the Evil Priest's Vestments

d12
1. Emergency back-up holy symbols representing alternate faiths
2. Stolen documents from rival sect detailing planned acts of terrorism
3. Ritual tattooing kit designed for maximum mortification of the flesh, excruciating discomfort
4. Medallion w/secret sub-cult insignia for ID purposes
5. Hastily scrawled notations in mini-commonplace book re: recent troubling dreams, waking visions, possible interpretations
6. Miniature censer and dried herbs for sacramental inhalations
7. Disguise kit for escaping otherwise hopeless situations: robe reversible w/smart seersucker interior, finely crafted false nose, extravagant fake mustache
8. In small pouch around neck: ash and tiny bone fragments retrieved from sacrificial incineration of former allies/family members
9. Rune-inscribed razor and empty vials in small leather case for ritual phlebotomy
10. Wooden tally stick w/hash marks for each soul successfully delivered to wicked deity
11. Keys to sub-temple level: armory, treasury, secret library, stockpiled provisions for prolonged siege, demi-living guardian zealots
12. Packet of enchanted incendiary pellets for emergency self-immolation, mint condition (one tends to save this option for unimaginably dire circumstances)

More Gonzo Class/Race Options

d12
1. Repo man: sent by trans-cosmic order to secure artifacts for return to alternate dimensions, teleport at first level, comes with bag of holding and sidearm
2. Living vapor: damaged by magic, fire, must shelter from strong winds, etc., but otherwise invulnerable to standard physical attack, spell-like powers as MU, must interact w/physical objects by proxy, inscrutable
3. Reincarnate: deceased high level sorcerer takes over body of young ancestor, unable to memorize spells, but can cast from spell books/scrolls w/experience 
4. Moon man: luminous eyes as light spell at first level, additional moon powers w/experience, equipped with moon-metal weapons: maximum damage vs. lycanthropes, undead, moon creatures
5. Harpooner: nautical monster-hunter/big game specialist, expert at improvised anti-monster contraptions, Queequeg w/ broader experience
6. Half-ape: strength/agility bonus, intellectually negligible, 50% chance to forget about weapons in combat, easily rattled, frequent alcohol abuse
7. Transhuman: hyper-evolved, tall and bald w/extended fore brains, psychic, totally non-violent (not above instigating indirect violence, naturally)
8. Star explorer: marooned on D&D-type worlds, kit includes non-rechargeable ray gun, laser knife, food pellets, seeks means of interstellar travel/communication
9. Corruption: former high level MU/scientist reduced to level one abomination by experiment gone awry as in The Fly 
10. Feral human: expert at survival, improvised traps, sneak attacks, stealth, receptive language skills only, flees at the drop of a hat
11. Agent of Law: magic resistance starting at level one, charged by Prime Mover to hunt chaos, destroy the arcane, vulnerable to loss of sanity
12. Ooze man: native to distant star, pliable sack of protoplasm able to form body into useful shapes (keys, bludgeon, crowbar, etc.), very fond of humans who remind them of nano-cephalic hominoid servitors native to homeworld

In the Witch's Workshop

d12
1. Hansel and Gretel: stuffed, trussed and aging in a closet
2. Rather large talking frog in a slough-filled tub: has memorized the entire Encyclopædia Britannica (1901 edition)
3. Potpourri burner filled with demon bile over a low flame: indescribably offensive odor but somehow invigorating (temporarily enhances constitution) if exposure lasts 10 minutes
4. Full suit of skin from a farmer's daughter w/a selection of authentic yet beguiling outfits
5. Bat winged cloak (non-magical but awesome)
6. Magical shoes that allow the wearer to surmount and run along moon beams
7. Twenty foot long python w/black fur and the head of a cat curled up in front of the hearth
8. Dead triffid drying upside down from ceiling: being cured for smoking purposes
9. Binoculars with large vat-grown eyes instead of lenses: press against forehead to use
10. Elaborately woven bed crafted of briers and brush covered with wicked thorns
11. A variety of living brains in ichor-filled ceramic vessels hooked up to Rube Goldberg machine that automatically awakens the witch at sundown and prepares an unmentionable breakfast
12. Gads the headless valet, stitched back together and reanimated after some unfortunate incident, serves refreshments and tidies up

How the Gang got Together

d12
1. Inflicted upon one another by multidisciplinary team of deities w/unknown agenda
2. Sudden trans-dimensional breach deposits all on campaign world of referee's choice
3. Met in queue for adventuring permits
4. Brought in separately by constabulary for variety of petty charges
5. At prominent aristocrat's ball: some as guests, others as the help and/or for larcenous purposes
6. Felicitous meeting after surviving (super-) natural disaster
7. Newly instituted draft by local regent requiring mandatory registration of all able bodied adults, leaving future party members sequestered w/other "suspicious persons"
8. Rounded up together in raid of den of ill-repute
9. Party arranged by cabal of power hungry sorcerers looking to acquire specific antiquities
10. Various misfortunes land nascent adventurers in stint as galley slaves
11. In the belly of titanic monster on inter-planar binge-and-purge bender
12. Collectively signed up for valueless adventuring class given by crew of doddering "old masters" as scheme to shore up dwindling retirement funds

Antediluvian Relics

d12
1. Golden bat ears: self-adhere to sides of head for sensory enhancement
2. Spool of smart wire: slithers off to fulfill verbal work orders
3. Headband of enslavement: available in many fashionable styles and colors
4. Dagger of slicing: cuts stone, steel, tin cans and tomatoes without ever losing its edge, ignores armor
5. Omniscient sphere: palm sized orb w/ ranging sensor array, answers yes/no questions, 75% accuracy for duration of charge
6. Depilatory ray gun: no save!
7. Ornately pronged helmet with huge crystalline third eye: enables two-way telepathy, long distance mental intrusions, command sub-intellectual creatures like most arthropods, insects, reptiles
8. Stun hammer: deafens and/or stuns those w/unprotected ears in 40' radius when struck
9. Automatic chow dispenser unit: self-sustaining bacterial colony continuously produces fully nutritive human food nuggets for one (1 in 6 chance of anaphylactic shock on first usage)
10. Industrial prosthetic harness: needles penetrate wearer's spine, twin mechanical arms respond to mental commands after short learning curve (1 in 6 chance of going berserk and attacking user)
11. Psychiatric gun: launches med-grenades that involuntarily pacify, stabilize, trigger tear-soaked breakthroughs, may induce psychosis in some subjects
12. Disintegrator/reintegrator cannon: huge wheeled device stores dematerialized creatures and objects for later deployment (or permanent deletion)

What the Wizard Actually has Up his Sleeve

d12
1. Viper familiar coiled around wrist
2. The ol' endless stream of brightly-colored handkerchiefs for the amazement of the witless
3. Smoke bombs to obscure hasty retreats
4. Satchel of gold-painted lead coins for scattering on floors to give pause to impoverished attackers
5. Emergency scroll of invisibility (or whatever other spell of aid to personal safety might be available)
6. Breakable packet of irritating powder
7. Nothing but a tasteful dab of eau de cologne
8. In case of amnesia/brain erasure: trigger words cunningly worked in to seemingly decorative tattoo
9.  Extremely humble extra dagger in forearm sheath, sentimental relic of initial equipment purchase
10. Secret stash of healing potion for one
11. Live doves for wowing the easily astonished
12. Flask of hooch

Magic Sword Awesomizer

d12
1. Blade vibrates like electric knife, negates armor bonus of opponent
2. So wickedly awesome to view when drawn (accompanied by extra-loud Hollywood TSHIIING!) weaker foes must check morale or reconsider engagement
3. Mighty chop can sunder any single object in twain (up to the size of a house or small bridge): success destroys the weapon
4. Emits gale-force winds against enemy missile fire once per day
5. Chaotic component of blade breaks bonds of iron molecules, speedily corroding arms and armor of enemies
6. Shrieks obscenities in ancient language, timed to disrupt concentration of attackers
7. Spell-cleaving: once per day may chop an active spell out of existence (examples: extinguishing a fireball in mid-flight, hacking off lightning bolt)
8. May be hurled once per day with deadly accuracy and significant damage bonus
9. Dazzlingly shiny and selectively reflective, opponents cannot look directly at wielder
10. Can be commanded to self-destruct, will begin counting backwards from 100, explodes with extremely destructive force upon reaching zero
11. Ghost blade made for trans-planar warfare, only gives mortals the chills, works beautifully against the incorporeal
12. Reality hack: arcane energies may be permanently spent for emergency hack through substance of material plane, allowing for escape/travel into the aether

Secreted on the Master Thief's Person

d12
1. Spool of stout wire in heel of boot
2. Razor blades stitched into lining of undergarment
3. Extensible poisoned needle in fingertip of glove
4. 500gp gem strapped to nether regions
5. False mustache/beard in seam of cloak
6. 'Twixt lip and gum: glass capsule that releases drug that simulates death for 3 minutes when crushed
7. Stiletto strapped to inner thigh
8. Lead sling bullets on inside of leather girdle, removable laces cunningly disguised precision sling
9. Pull ring on glove activates retractable garrote
10. In fitted leather case on small of back: variety of documents, credentials, symbols both holy and unholy for range of possible identities
11. Crystal that when crushed teleports one person to thief's awesome hideout in major city
12. Tiny phrase book in multiple languages with useful bits such as: "My guild will pay 1000gp ransom for my safe return."