Under the Evil Wizard's Hat

d12
1. Extra brains in tapering elongated skull cone
2. Small sack strapped to head containing emergency ransom in gems
3. Is that a turban? No, it's a hive of highly aggressive stun bees
4. Another face that laughs hideously when revealed
5. Waving tendrils fully capable of spell casting functions when hands indisposed
6. 2d12 bats
7. Self-destruct mechanism
8. Shiny shaved pate inscribed with tattoo containing elaborate funerary instructions
9. Imp familiar meditating in lotus position
10. Coiled spitting cobra, inert until hat lifted
11. Huge third eye that projects ray of insanity and sees into other dimensions
12. Awesome hairdo

Flora in the Garden of Death

d12
1. Dead-eyed Susans: crack shots with corrosive pollen loads
2. Hangman's gardenias: giant flowers contract around victim's head to commence strangulation
3. Sarcophagus bulbs: hypnotic pollen compels victims to entomb themselves in hinged bulb as living fertilizer
4. Tulips of terror: impressionistic skulls and nightmare imagery adorn the petals, fragrance induces fear and panic
5. Stench pumpkins: cultivated for use as catapult ammunition by kobolds or other humanoids who live to irritate
6. Eye-seeking pansies: grow from eye sockets of heaped skulls, seeds swarm upon insect-like wings, lodge selves in eyes of victim, who is blinded but at least has a lovely arrangement sprouting from eye-holes
7. Dagger bush: leafless tangle of branches w/huge wicked curving thorns: suddenly spring to fully animate attack when approached
8. Dancing cacti: human-sized and engaged in perpetual choreography, will attempt to drag observers into the ritual
9. Tomb tree: menacing mass of roots at base of trunk parts to reveal natural shelves of corpses within, stored in perfect preservation for an unknown purpose
10. Mimic grass: collectively arranged blades to produce mirror image of observer, respond to command to recall images of past visitors
11. Buzz-saw sunflowers: launches spinning flowers w/razor sharp petals, aims to sever neck of victim (possible symbiotic relationship with 6, above)
12. Venus Soul Trap: fills minds of victims with soothing music and imagery while its tendrils snake up nostrils to remove soul from behind pineal gland

The Necromancer's Ultimate Ambition

d12
1. Reanimate sustainable population of prehistoric totalitarian state for use as pre-oppressed pawns in political struggle against new-fangled feudalism
2. Create new sentient ape species infused with soul-matter from departed geniuses for release into the wild
3. Harness soul-energies to power colossal mobile death-wave generator, perpetrate ultimate extortion on powers-that-be
4. Construct planes-faring vessel composed entirely of cadavers whose harnessed undead brains control ship's functions
5. Replicate afterlife conditions in hermetic under-zone for unspeakable experiments
6. Establish personal body-bank of spare parts harvested from the dead: alternate limbs, body plans designed for various usage
7. Cultivate undead plants that produce undead fruits and vegetables to sustain an orderly undead society
8. Bioengineer giant disembodied undead womb for revitalizing meditation/tissue restoration bath
9. Deploy multi-gigaton death ray bomb in order to give death the slip by killing everything at once, to be followed instantly by detonation of reanimation bomb
10. Complete assimilation of knowledge harvested from rejuvenated brains representing every known stage of human history, become world's preeminent smart guy
11. Purge the universe of twisted spirits through combination of liberal dispersal of psychotropic vapors and tedious but indispensable talking therapy
12. Dehydrated zombies in convenient capsule-form

More Unknown Spells

d12
1. Charm of Advantageous Auto-Decapitation: caster's head detaches from body at will and floats around independently
2. Create Monkey Tail: recipient temporarily grows strong prehensile tail, able to wield weapons, aid in climbing, balance
3. Stench of Sorcery: non-magical creatures shy from caster as if from some supernatural menace
4. Incantation of Temporary Depravity: conjures up the Mr. Hyde lurking within target
5. Divine Emulation: allows caster to give the impression of immortal status, radiate light, float above the ground, adds celestial effect to voice, etc.
6. Sympathetic Countenance: induces feelings of pity, protectiveness, or benign indifference in the otherwise hostile
7. Bogus Divination: allows caster to convince others of ability to forecast future events
8. Invoke Epiphany: trained upon a troubled mind, provokes psychological breakthrough, reducing the judiciously chosen target to useless heap of self-recrimination
9. Unobtrusive Mental Probe: a targeted form of mind reading, allowing caster to extract specific piece of information from target's mind
10. Conjuration of Celebratory Enhancements: produces goodly amounts of perfectly acceptable booze
11. Wizard's Rations: produces one dozen nutritious food replacement pills, each good for one day's requirements
12. Mustachio of the Gods: creates supremely masculine facial adornment on the target styled in manner of the caster's choosing

Partially Obscured Entries in the Stolen Spellbook

d12
1. Vostaak's Personality Nullifier
2. Involuntary Appetites of the Zombie
3. Sapheles' Spectral Stiletto
4. Gaze of Oblivion
5. Ixlbane's Incessant Annoyance
6. Fleeting Temporal Pause
7. Unsightly Propagation of Flesh
8. Undetectable Thought Intruder
9. Incantation of Arcane Reversal
10. Gholo's Corrosive Vomit
11. Chuloo's Cascading Shards
12. Explosive Geyser of Contagions

Enchanted Conveniences of the Rich and Sorcerous

d12
1. Ever-full goblet of the finest hooch
2. Mind-controlled servants, lobotomized and reprogrammed for maximum efficiency
3. Eight-armed deep tissue massage therapist
4. Magic mouth w/wizard eye feature: automatic scroll & tome reader
5. Hovercouch
6. World's Most Fabulous Lavatory
7. Potion of rock-hard abs
8. Concubine teleportation system
9. Expert mani-pedi homunculi
10. Bottled water elemental health beverage
11. Perfectly-behaved, highly affectionate lap-demon
12. Ensorcelled hair-dos

War Sorcery: Eldritch Bombs

d12
1. Idiocy bomb: goes off with a resounding howl of mocking laughter, forces w/in range reduced to sub-moronic gibbering, yet retain full measure of self-confidence
2. Re-animation bomb: dead in area of effect rise to fight again
3. Berserk bomb: dropped on friendly forces to induce mass battle-madness
4. Wormhole bomb: tiny black hole instantly transports targeted troops to Carcosa or somewhere equally unpleasant
5. Reality bomb: triggers unpredictable shift in physical laws, a truly chaotic weapon for use at wit's end only
6. Fog of war bomb: following minor blast tornadic winds disseminate impenetrable fog that mutes sound as well
7. Illusion bomb: initial smoke cloud reveals such images as a battalion of giant warriors, saddled dragons with terror-knights astride, etc.
8. Cowardice bomb: radiation temporarily overrides courage, entire regiments shriek like terrified children as they flee the battlefield
9. Metal-eater bomb: explosion sends scintillant powder into air, destroys metal weapons, armor and implements at the molecular level
10. Tranquility bomb: blinding flash followed by shower of flower petals and glitter, all in area of effect totally blissed out
11. Death ray bomb: pitch black mushroom cloud, shock wave appears as onrushing cloud of screaming skulls
12. Hell-breach bomb: mutually assured destruction

Note on delivery system: most frequently dropped by trained pteranodons, aero-squid (high payload capacity), allied dragons or dirigible crews

The Sorcerer's Latest Research Breakthrough

d12
1. Following treatment with precise ratio of disintegration and re-integration rays, now physically inhabits up to 3 planes of existence simultaneously
2. Faithful hound/troll hybrid: one hard-to-kill watchdog, eats man-kibble by the 50lb. sack
3. Iron golem spy satellite
4. Giant toad that eats/hauls/regurgitates large amounts of treasure on command
5. Disembodied wizard-brain-powered spell cannon: theoretically sound, field testing led to collateral damage to space-time continuum
6. Synthetic opiate: instantly addictive for dragons
7. Rod of dinosaur control
8. Ray of Fecundity: useful for propagating minions
9. Colony of domesticated giant bees: regard sorcerer as queen, produce jelly of longevity
10. Bracers of blasting: fire bolts of destructive energy, charged by human sacrifice
11. New plague contagion, cure: to be auctioned separately
12. Single new spell that would solve world food supply problems forever: shelved due to lack of interest

Last Known Appearance of the Rogue Sorcerer

d12
1. Levitated straight up into the stratosphere
2. Snapped bonds with superhuman strength and smashed the skulls of guards en route to public execution, escape obscured by sudden profusion of stinging mist
3. Stood atop racing smilodon, tossed guards aside, surged through city gates
4. Fled into the night w/many scrolls tucked beneath arms while Royal Library burned
5. Plunged gracefully into gaping maw of colossal worm while laughing maniacally
6. Shouted insults from battlement of private tower before the whole thing disappeared in maelstrom of blue luminance
7. Issued incoherent screed in public square, exploded in fiery flash after brief Q & A w/witnesses, coalesced into vast vaporous form over city, dissipated
8. Stabbed baron in back with poisoned blade at ceremony, vaulted city wall in single bound
9. Naked and muttering, staggered off into the wilderness
10. Body dangled limply while carried off on devil wings suddenly erupted from back
11. Over the course of days slowly became invisible and inaudible
12. Swelled to over fifty feet in height, issued contemptuous farewell, strode off toward the mountains

Target of the Sorcerer's Contracted Assassin(s)

d12
1. Imperial Librarian who hires killers of his own to whack the sorcerer for overdue materials
2. Certain thief who made off with hereditary spell book of inordinate sentimental value
3. Former mentor for capricious lies and disinformation leading to much grief (and unpleasant mutations)
4. Former familiar gone turncoat: unnaturally large and intelligent crow with wicked ambitions of its own
5. Arcanophagus the spell-drinking demon: becomes loutish drunk after throwing back too many spells
6. High priest of Cult of Law responsible for wanton destruction of numerous intriguing arcane items
7. Current owner of the Spell Stele of the pre-Antlanteans
8. Evil and intelligent feline once the property of successfully assassinated rival
9. All fools everywhere, who shall be suffered poorly in the meantime
10. The barbarian who slew everyone else in sorcerer's graduating class
11. Dragon hoarding entirety of artifacts remaining from antedivuvian mollusc civilization
12. All other sorcerers, done one at a time and using the widest possible variety of methods, gratuitous torture encouraged

In the Witch's Workshop

d12
1. Hansel and Gretel: stuffed, trussed and aging in a closet
2. Rather large talking frog in a slough-filled tub: has memorized the entire Encyclopædia Britannica (1901 edition)
3. Potpourri burner filled with demon bile over a low flame: indescribably offensive odor but somehow invigorating (temporarily enhances constitution) if exposure lasts 10 minutes
4. Full suit of skin from a farmer's daughter w/a selection of authentic yet beguiling outfits
5. Bat winged cloak (non-magical but awesome)
6. Magical shoes that allow the wearer to surmount and run along moon beams
7. Twenty foot long python w/black fur and the head of a cat curled up in front of the hearth
8. Dead triffid drying upside down from ceiling: being cured for smoking purposes
9. Binoculars with large vat-grown eyes instead of lenses: press against forehead to use
10. Elaborately woven bed crafted of briers and brush covered with wicked thorns
11. A variety of living brains in ichor-filled ceramic vessels hooked up to Rube Goldberg machine that automatically awakens the witch at sundown and prepares an unmentionable breakfast
12. Gads the headless valet, stitched back together and reanimated after some unfortunate incident, serves refreshments and tidies up

In the Philosopher's Spell Book

d12
1. Alter Opinion: instantly harmonizes disparate views or insinuates disagreement
2. Dispel Argument: renders opposing assertion null and void
3. Arinunio's Inconspicuous Non Sequitur: success allows the user to sneak one by opposition
4. Bolt of Enlightenment: save or stagger off to reexamine life
5. Huunenaur's Stinging Refutation: no saving throw
6. Inescapable Web of Absurdity: save or suffer debilitating mental entanglement
7. Hargoov's Hair-splitter: Stupefies opponent with barrage of meaningless objections
8. Exploding Straw Man: save for half damage
9. Glamocles' Expeditious Reductio ad Absurdum: success induces shame, humiliation and the derision of one's peers
10. Defang Ideology: deactivates critical faculties in subjects, primes them to swallow bill of goods
11. Mass Consensus: gallon of wine per subject required as material component
12. Create Truth: adds single new aspect to reality, fundamentally changing the universe for good or ill, rarely successfully cast, miscast erases all trace of the philosopher from the space-time continuum

What the Wizard Actually has Up his Sleeve

d12
1. Viper familiar coiled around wrist
2. The ol' endless stream of brightly-colored handkerchiefs for the amazement of the witless
3. Smoke bombs to obscure hasty retreats
4. Satchel of gold-painted lead coins for scattering on floors to give pause to impoverished attackers
5. Emergency scroll of invisibility (or whatever other spell of aid to personal safety might be available)
6. Breakable packet of irritating powder
7. Nothing but a tasteful dab of eau de cologne
8. In case of amnesia/brain erasure: trigger words cunningly worked in to seemingly decorative tattoo
9.  Extremely humble extra dagger in forearm sheath, sentimental relic of initial equipment purchase
10. Secret stash of healing potion for one
11. Live doves for wowing the easily astonished
12. Flask of hooch

Before First Level: Magic Users

d12
1. Thrown out of several reputable academies, killed last headmaster to cross path and made off with spellbook
2. Woke up to find self fully vested member of arcane secret society after lengthy black lotus bender
3. Snuck into sorcerer's tower, captured and imprisoned in library until mastered first spell: took ten years
4. Well-connected parents employed graft and bribery to gain admission into exclusive training facility
5. Tormented in dreams from childhood by terrible outer being who trades nocturnal peace for pursuit of the mystic arts
6. Unquenchable lust for power from early age, long list of enemies to one day blast to smithereens
7. Turned wholeheartedly to sorcery after late-childhood revelation of secret lineage: witch-doctors, magi, necromancers, psychics, diabolists and even a vampire thrown in for good measure
8. Kidnapped and trained by hermit-mage after handily winning math competition at village fete
9. After witnessing injustices of the world, hates the gods and will devote researches to finding the magic bullet needed to dispense with them once and for all
10. Strong innate sense of the fullness of reality combined with major social inhibitions, threw self into studies and never came out
11. Vision following blow to head partially revealed cosmic mysteries, triggered lifelong pursuit of knowledge
12. Sole survivor of barbarian village destroyed by snake cult but far too congenitally feeble to even entertain revenge by the sword

Re-animation Projects of the Chaotic Necromancer

d12
1. Zombie army of giant ants set to demolishing annoying/undesirable cities
2. Select occupants of the imperial catacombs beneath the city-state including famous conquerors, former heads of state, important philosophers (of evil)
3. Sorcerer/scientist assassinated just before completing work that reveals fraudulence of the gods
4. Fully operational skeleton town, just for model railroad-like kicks
5. Towering aggregate zombie, sent to destroy wilderness tower of notable wizard 
6. A pre-human god, secretly killed and interred by founding deities of current pantheon
7. Squad of legendary assassins, current aristocracy extremely nervous
8. Breeding population of antediluvian proto-human stock, superior in most regards w/ambition to match
9. Martyred religious figure: triggers massive cult revival
10. Captive think-tank of genius consultants from history, have already out-flanked the necromancer with plans of their own
11. Arcane architect, designer of otherwise impenetrable deep levels of mega-dungeon: prepping for incursion
12. Recently dispatched party of adventurers, don't remember the TPK that got them and (at least at first) look upon necromancer as kindly benefactor

Manifestations of the Sorcerer's Derangement

d12
1. Broad mugging and overacting of a silent movie villain plus ear-piercing shrieks and stream of consciousness rants at top of lungs, sweaty, bug-eyed
2. Overwhelming obsession with sub-atomic matters, scrawls equations everywhere, wears microscopic eyepiece 24/7
3. Hell-bent on mission to improve sensory awareness: currently preparing for self-surgical installation of giant multifaceted bug eyes
4. So steeped in the esoteric has lost ability to even comprehend mundane matters anymore, forgetting to eat/sleep/bathe
5. Manic pursuit of bigger and better explosions leaves hideout a smoking ruin, plans to soon blow up something really big, issues near continuous crazed laughter
6. Megalomaniacal devotion to remaking the world in his/her image starting with mountain-sized statues (scale models fill laboratory)
7. Unfortunate loss of basic bodily function control, walks around with big streaks on gown while dictating wild new theorems to amused homunculus scribes
8. Successful research expanded list of arcane power words considerably, now indiscriminately peppers his sentences with them, surviving staff walked out weeks ago
9. Intruding alien personality constantly interrupts normal speech w/scathing criticism, alternate opinions, mockery
10. Receiving direct transmissions from the future w/instructions on which current political figures must be assassinated, summoning beings from the dimension of hate to carry out hits
11. Involuntary high speed spewing forth of esoterica and erudition in a highly educational, well organized screed
12. Swallowed by black hole of paranoia, has killed retainers, is planning on launching preemptive strike on closest allies

Security Measures at the Sorcerer's Tower

d12
1. Selectively permeable mobile defensive wall of aero-plankton
2. Security chief: totally nude, deaf, blind and ancient master of unarmed combat enshrouded in magical darkness and silence
3. Underground brain controls extensible tentacle array, variously armed, network of tubes provides access to all points
4. Trained bull rhinos w/above average tactical cunning patrol grounds 24/7
5. Encircling garden of giant hypno-flowers tended by giant dragonflies
6. Hundreds of evil pixie knights astride vicious war-chihuahuas flinging bombs of bewilderment
7. Identity check point w/bio-engineered olfactory sensor creature checking aroma profiles
8. Perimeter wall of animate zombie flesh
9. Field of death spore fungi land mines
10. Moat of liquid nitrogen
11. Magnetic field projector capable of wrenching armor from the bodies of aggressors
12. Wall of lightning provided by captive wizard locked in time loop

In the Sorcerer's Overnight Bag

d12
1. Vellum document w/official ransom information in several languages
2. Earthenware sphere containing weaponized virus powder in padded box
3. Ogre-musk eau de toilette: predatory monster repellent
4. Mini-scroll and crystal magnifying lens: select High Atlantean readings in microscopic print
5. Sealed glass jar: living tissue specimen in preservative ichor for cloning project
6. Travel-sized surgical kit
7. Pillbox with fast-acting suicide capsules
8. Small bag of bones: illusion conceals emergency gem cache
9. Disassembled death ray pistol: one shot remaining in battery
10. Silk bag w/ fake protection charms: distributes to "allies" for cheap laughs
11. Spare set of outlandish undergarments
12. Small skin-bound volume w/pen and ink: personal log of evil written in invented language

Strange and Terrible Curses

d12
1. The Beard of Worms
2. Stomach rumblings of evil portent
3. The Hex of Unrelenting Ennui
4. The Implacable Urge of Self-annihilation
5. The Evil Third Eye
6. The Doom of Obscurity
7. Always followed by rats
8. Victories shall be hollow
9. The Unattainable Ambition
10. The Doom of Repeated Public Humiliations
11. The Unpredictable Apoplexy
12. The Repellent Stench Unremovable

Unknown Spells

d12
1. Liquefaction of Bone
2. Phran-dahl's Face Eraser
3. Malicious Marring of the Exquisite
4. Excellent Ray of Nudity
5. Oxfam's Handy Head Expander
6. The Stench of Unknown Origin
7. Twelve Dancing Centipedes
8. Xix's Automatic Nervous Breakdown
9. Phreen's Humiliating Rictus
10. Ray of Obsequiousness
11. Fong's Expeditious Beard Lengthener
12. Galadigrius' Esoteric Inquiry