So You Ate the Fruit of the Forbidden Bush of Enlightenment

d12
1. Immediately vomit like never before, no further effects
2. Pass out for 1d6 hours, floods of 100% accurate prophetical dreams, awaken spewing mish-mash of half-remembered gobbledygook that's no good to anybody
3. Lose control of all bodily functions for 1d6 hours of continual embarrassment
4. Become public spectacle of euphoric derangement for 1d6 hours
5. Total memory loss for 1d6 hours
6. Stupefaction w/drooling and sub-verbal muttering for 1d6 hours
7. No immediate effect, but haunted by mind-bending nightmares for remainder of life
8. Hair falls out, skull swells to accommodate expanding brain mass, intellect ascends to super-human levels for 1d6 hours
9. Permanent boost in wisdom but forever plagued by paranoid ideations
10. Intellect and wisdom permanently improved, targeted for divine retribution by obscure deity
11. Instant total enlightenment: head explodes in blinding flash and resounding thunderclap
12. Momentary total cosmic awareness: referee hands over all pertinent game information for rigidly timed speed perusal