OPERATION UNFATHOMABLE

Friday, April 4, 2014

The Evil Sorcerer's Greatest Weakness

d12
1. Dedicated to Underworld booze (see Subtable below), has a stiff one at the customary hour then keeps right on having them, gets meaner as the night wears on, fiddles threateningly w/pair of live fireballs like Captain Queeg
2. Irresistible passion for wagering: deep debts to several dragons, must make saving throw to avoid juicy bets offered, maintains permanent dimensional gate to 1970's Las Vegas, solid gold 2d6 necklace gives luck bonus to sorcerer when 7-12 rolled in combat
3. Following recent personality breakthrough, maintains jam-packed social calendar, obsessed w/gaining and maintaining new acquaintances, retains personal dance instructor, eschews current evil spell research in favor of voluminous correspondence
4. Considers self grand gourmet, really packing on the extra lbs., so concerned w/freshness of ingredients has converted good portion of spell component garden to artisanal produce, lair infested w/dangerous yeasty pastry-oozes, wears chef hat emblazoned w/stars, planets
5. Adrenalin junky: forever dropping everything to scale tasty peaks w/no magical precautions, loves cliff diving, wears fake mustachio as regional chariot racing champion, habitually taunts gods/demons
6. The ladies/gents: maintains multiple relationships, several housed secretly in various areas of lair, always juggling, intruding adventurers secondary concern at best
7. Bad with money: great at manipulating underpinnings of reality, can't make a decent investment to save life, semi-indestructible trans-dimensional repo-men en route to lair
8. Compulsive hoarding: lair jam-packed w/teetering piles of collectibles/dubious impulse purchases, dead familiars buried under heaps of arcana/decaying trash, whole place stinks to high heaven, difficulty retaining staff
9. Extreme vanity: employs entourage of stylists, hair & makeup experts, tailors, designers of evil,  many weird enchanted mirrors throughout lair, several rooms in complex dedicated to wardrobe, collection of magical haberdashery
10. Total disregard for personal hygiene, combined w/deleterious physical effects of meddling w/forces beyond comprehension, very unpleasant personal aroma, teeth scattered about where they fell, streaked and torn wizardly raiment
11. Crippling assassination paranoia: spends preponderance of time concocting anti-assassination spells, charms, talismans, dismissed/wrongfully executed staff w/any talent,competence, prefers to be surrounded by trustworthy idiots, skeletons, zombies, extremely jumpy, trigger happy
12. Enfeebling lassitude: years of wrestling w/cosmic forces wear a body out, lacks strength to lift hand from side w/out powerful stimulants, hauled by servitors on travel couch, faints a lot

Underworld Booze Subtable
1d12
1-2. Cave Lightning straight from the home distillery
3-4. Coffin Varnish, brewed by trolls, temporarily arrests regeneration
5-6. Jolly, flavorless lichen ale, one must throw back continuous stream of the stuff to catch/maintain buzz
7-8. Pit juice on the rocks, collected from glands of demon magically chained to wall
9-10. Devil's Slough & soda, several cases in collection, according to markings over 10,000 years old
11-12. Hellwater, straight, 12 ounces of catoblepas milk chaser to minimize internal combustion

THE PLUGGERY BELOW
Here's a new Lulu coupon code, the kind you could use to purchase the book for sale on the upper left:
FM303
Enter this code on the Lulu's checkout page for free USPS shipping or 50% UPS ground delivery for your order (you know, the one that includes The Dungeon Dozen book). Coupon valid until April 10.

1 comment:

  1. Ever run out of ideas? LOL

    Great stuff, Jason. Keep it coming!

    ReplyDelete