Zealots in the Streets

d12
1. Trio of totally nude, heavily muscled missionaries, complete mythic story arc of terrible deity encoded in highly detailed pictogram tattoos covering 99.9% of their bodies, presented with much ritual posing and flexing
2. Gaggle of black sarong-clad death worshippers hurrying off to nearby shrine for massive auto-annihilation ceremony
3. Flagellites of extremely ascetic order give each other shots across the shins w/wicked bamboo implements while chanting on interminably
4. Thooloo's Witnesses politely inform all encountered of imminent doom and inescapable damnation, distribute pamphlets loaded with scary woodcuts
5. Acolytes of the Beatdown God twist their mustachios, roll up their sleeves, command passersby to put up their dukes and settle things like men i.e. no-holds-barred bare knuckle brawling sans unmanly war implements
6. Priestess of Aggrox the Axe Lord more than willing to demonstrate the superiority of her faith using the legendary Axe of Helm-Cleaving punctuated judiciously w/volleys of throwing axes of certain disarmament
7. Jolly Templar of the Cosmic Brewmaster wears barrel on back, dispenses pints in exchange for a short song of praise for deity, monkey sidekick w/waterskin backpack washes mugs, juggles, dances amusingly to songs
8. Outfitted in flipper and fin-adorned wetsuits w/begoggled pope hats, underworld sea god devotees harangue pedestrians w/promises of eternal holiday at Undersea-side resort/temple
9. Haughty missionaries of the God of Conspicuous Consumption drip w/expensive-looking baubles, too snooty to proselytize to adventuring riff-raff
10. Unholy combination of busker/bard/cleric of the beauty god yodel out super-catchy devotionals with insidiously memorable hooks, saving throw vs. throwing contribution into lute case
11. Demi-material missionary ghosts roam about, issue reports of full afterlife satisfaction for the faithful should they devote their remaining days to serving Paxamamnon the Colossal Sculptor of Worlds, single commandment: destroy all sorcerers
12. Yyrgh the Celestial Organizer requires a golden pyramid for unexplainable reasons, his shaved, oiled, yellow toga-clad worshippers must accumulate building materials by taking on menial jobs like torchbearer, treasure-hauler, legitimately earned gold delivered to convenient pyramid-shaped depositories throughout city

Xenophobia in the Underworld

For use determining reactions when PCs encounter isolated or little known beings in the abyssal depths of the Underworld

d12
1. You can trust a surface man's word, but gee are they powerful delicious/nutritious
2. All surface dwellers hated in descending order by height, the tall produce the staunchest fear and loathing, wee ones might be alright
3. Surface humans certainly reek to high heaven, but otherwise its anyone's guess, judge them on an individual basis
4. The creatures from above are so evil they think they're good! Destroy them before they can pollute your mind with their insane philosophies
5. Only a metal hat of some kind can save you from the surface people's mind control powers, shoot them from a distance and keep moving
6. Humans are blind, stupid, cruel, and greedy, but you can bamboozle them into extremely lopsided deals to minimize unpleasantness
7. Those from the outer crust have many admirable qualities but living under the open sky allows unfathomable entities from the void to warp their minds
8. They only come for one reason: our wealth, and they will do anything, absolutely anything no matter how terrible, to get it
9. The surface folk are fools, patsies of the gods, to be pitied but exterminated swiftly
10. Every time you kill a human an angel gets its wings
11. While unarguably hideous to view, with the appropriate training regimen, humans can make perfectly serviceable slaves, bait them with treasure and try to take them alive
12. Adventurers happen to match descriptions of prophesied harbingers of death god's imminence: fear, supplication

The Lich is Away From its Lair

d12
1. At dungeon entrance, inspecting crate of ancient/forbidden tomes, checking order carefully for any deviation from promised contents/conditions, delivery ogre magically frozen in position by door should order fail to satisfy
2. Taking leisurely stroll through dungeon environment, chatting w/invisible ghost consultant, intelligent monsters in area notably deferential, obedient, flee at the first opportunity
3. In guard area, digesting reports of incursions into dungeon, stroking chin, brushing up on the most horrible spells of death and mayhem from travel grimoire, former captain of the guard a smoking ruin, replacement captain's face drained of color, drenched in flop sweat
4. Conducting tour of dungeon vacancies w/striking, exceedingly well-dressed vampire and hideous half-ape coffin-mule, fondling dark gem of evil, a gift from vampire
5. In lair, but in midst of prolonged astral sojourn, body hovers in lotus position guarded by pack of huge hounds made of molten lead
6. Currently in unknown dimension on initial survey, cosmic gate open in lair, swirling nightmare environment beyond instantly lethal to living beings, highly intelligent, bioluminescent, demi-material bats streaming in, find earthly conditions preferable to their own
7. On trip to nearby metropolis to check in w/real estate agency on bid to purchase private tower w/several subterranean levels in good part of town near marketplace, theater district, carries substantial down payment in gems
8. Romantic tryst in Hell with particularly seductive devil, fated to go terribly wrong, lich will have much spleen to vent upon return
9. Presenting radical breakthrough in depopulation science to conference of evil in nearby abandoned shrine, papers scattered about lair contain just enough hints for adventurers to realize potential threat to every living creature on the planet
10. Scaring the hell out of the humanoids on adjacent dungeon level whose repeated offenses/unnecessary disturbances demonstrate highly deficient sense of boundaries
11. Performing field evaluations of new and improved fireball spells (giant fireball, smart fireball, fireball w/self-extinguishing flourish, etc) on elf-infested forest nearest to dungeon
12. Appointment w/world's most attractive wizard at mountaintop spa for intensive de-shriveling treatment

What the Lich Wants

d12
1. Driven by insatiable worldly passions, amasses treasure to fund construction of monumental pleasure-pyramid, collects artifacts/relics, hoards gems/jewelry/doo-dads/trinkets, surrounds self w/nubile young servants, throws lavish parties of evil, no display of wealth too ostentatious
2. This lich has a revenge list a mile long and cannot rest until visiting a uniquely tasty catastrophe upon every entrant, often including next of kin, entire family trees
3. General disgust with the gods, devils, demons, pretty much everyone fuels perpetual research towards a means of escaping Gygaxian cosmological schema forever
4. Despite decisive victory over death itself, the lich's mind has gone all dark and hopeless, sets plans in motion to render all the world into colossal mausoleum, brews plagues, chemical weapons, broods of murder monsters, abides alone in elaborate tomb complex loaded w/specially commissioned self-aggrandizing artworks
5. Just wants to finish sweeping series of novels set millions of years in the past, era of hegemony of the extinct intelligent beetles, editing thirtieth draft of manuscript, instantly destroys any who would break his concentration
6. Only world-wide recognition and the approbation of evil peers can make up for a childhood of neglect, psychologically compelled to become a household name by any means necessary and to the exclusion of any other agenda, given to random acts of public terror, also takes credit for unattributed mayhem, frequent press releases delivered by demonic courier service
7. Time spent concocting, applying to self, mastering every conceivable super-power duplicable by wizardry, before embarking upon career as trans-cosmic hero
8. Seeks to acquire political power via behind-the-scenes machinations, unholy alliances, espionage, assassinations, blackmail, intimidation, and use said power to plunge region into perpetual state of senseless conflict just for the sheer entertainment value
9. Sickened by the lameness of the human species, labors ceaselessly to restore an extinct nonhuman race to its rightful place of world supremacy
10. Compiling knowledge from across gulfs of time into single comprehensive resource, encoded into crystalline matrix and accessible only by psychic powers, travels frequently, squad of high level magic user lackeys keep watch over subterranean research facility
11. Nearly complete space rocket will soon carry the lich, vampire entourage to planet in the Black Galaxy perfectly suited to eternal unlife
12. Must complete trans-cosmic power beam caster to cut heavenly realm of the gods from moorings w/the material world, setting the menaces adrift in the void, never again to trouble humankind

Wandering Clergy and their Holy Implements

1. Supreme Lawgiver of Ooyosh, Pillar of Order, multi-pronged pope hat, robe of interlocked steel plates, mallet of redemption, on deity-mandated mission to harvest souls, converts must sign stack of forms, make immediate 10% tithe, travels with barrister/accountant sidekick
2. Father Flailarm of Nul the Mindless God, fully articulated steel prosthetic right arm ending in brutal flail of nullification, emits stream of dogma centered around destroying your own personality, a feat he seems to have pulled off supremely well
3. Goshimi the ever-chanting Wind Bishop must never relent from ritual chatter to dissuade the wind god from initiating long-promised Tornado Apocalypse, mashes enemies of the sky lords w/enchanted boomerang of catastrophe
4. Sister Shuyang of the Hermetic Order of Hloo-hloo, maintains icy distance, speaks sparingly in the quietest of whispers, avoids eye contact, but would join the adventurers for a chance to wallop evil with her stark bludgeon of removal
5. Hyrkon, initiate of the worm god, granted moustache mandibles for piety in word and deed, raiment tattered, half-starved, recently completed lengthy Underworld vision quest, emerged in unknown territory, lost, confused, seemingly abandoned by deity, bashes enemies of the worm-state with the writhing maul
6. Chaos Pontiff, muscled mass equivalent to small pony, wrapped mummy-like in dripping black cloth from head to toe due to unsightly skin mutation, giant gleaming eight-pointed crown, brandishes Yyr and Yur, twin demon-clubs carved from ebony w/elaborate bat wing/skull/tentacle design that transmute into extremely aggressive shoggoth forms on command
7. Al-kala-aq, quest-mullah of Ogos the Eternal relentlessly pursues the devil Uugruncht, former Ambassador from Hell, follows up new clues wherever the adventurers might be going, 2 in 6 chance of sudden preemptive devil attack per day, smacks evil w/iron rod of exorcism
8. Minister Mulkavar of a highly communicative deity of Law, plain black farmer's togs w/extremely broad brimmed hat, receives new revelatory broadcasts 1d2 times daily, convulses during divine download, soils raiment, begins extensive reportage after recovery, cracks the skeptical with sanctifying mace of clarity
9. Hishak Tithecollector, urban-camo-shrouded cutthroat/Cardinal of thieves' cult, divine powers of stealth, brings down massive cosh of ambush only from behind
10. Kuunthar-Ak, war shaman of the nearly extinct forest culture, once-serene deity now twisted to dark vengeance, issues Chewbacca-like aggro-howl before smiting the establishment w/deadly rod cut from the sole-surviving eternal oak
11. Yeti Lama, levitates in lotus position, unmatched serenity, speaks in nothing but koans, significant healing/curing powers given free of charge, utterly unimpressed with adventurers but may join a party just to teach them a lesson, smites nothing but wears stylish amulet of mental intrusion
12. Bruuthor, barbarian priest of Bor the callous mountain god, bearer of the mighty truncheon of dispersal, chants a lot, actively discourages others from worship of deity due to total lack of interest in humanity, Bor on his mountain does not care

Purpose of the Enchanted Key

d12
1. Deactivates all dungeon deathtraps when turned in security box on deepest dungeon level
2. For enchanted giant manacles restraining super-powerful/insane demigod
3. Activates/deactivates magical giant robot, keyhole in back of head, right behind stag beetle-like mandibles of steel
4. Ignition key for self-propelled mine cart of the tinker dwarfs, huge payload capacity, capable of breakneck speeds, poor cornering ability
5. Invisible keyhole in wall opens door to DMs pet alternate campaign setting
6. Opens lock box containing secret instructions left by extinct star-dwellers to prevent otherwise imminent galactic collision
7. Unlocks magical cage imprisoning relatively minor corporeal manifestation of death god
8. Grants access to the most magnificent lavatory facilities yet conceived
9. Opens padlock securing chains around cabinet loaded with priceless collectible torture implements from ancient culture of unsurpassed sadism
10. Inserting into keyhole on boulder activates metamorphosis into animate bodyguard of stone
11. Fits in any keyhole, locks permanently if turned
12. Toggles good/evil setting for biomechanical mind-enhancing implant in sorcerer's head

On Pain of Death

To combat player indecision/lassitude, the local monarch has a mandatory dungeon mission.

d12
1. Find the dungeon's deepest well, extract and return with one bucket-full of the primordial goo at well bottom
2. Princeling telepathically calls out for aid, stuck in a covered pit in a hallway filled with same on third level
3. Deliver ransom to Dungeon Overlord and retrieve hostage (royal chef of surpassing talent), time is of the essence!
4. Discover entrances and map entirety of level three in preparation for mass assault by Royal Commandos, remain undetected, no witnesses
5. Give the quasi-lich his powerful ancient relic back stat so he'll cool it with the plagues and curses
6. Capture and return with previously unknown species of ooze for important arcane research project
7. Assassinate turncoat court vizier currently in the employ of Dungeon Overlord
8. Deliver flowers and chocolate to medusa for love-sick bachelor monarch, she will be the one who wears her snakes in elaborate braided updo
9. Steal single tooth from venerable dragon on level eight without awakening the menace, good news: magical anesthetic, teeth falling out anyway, not-so-good: dragon worshipped by humanoid cult famous for vigilance, dedication to duty
10. Negotiate contract with mercenary band of bloodthirsty humanoids on level two, do not alert rival humanoids on level one
11. Sow seeds of insurrection by revealing captured plans of Dungeon Overlord to various factions noted as "entirely expendable", limit looting, slay only as necessary
12. Deposit arcane explosive device on deepest dungeon level then get the hell out

ONLY DRAGONS GET CRITICAL HIT TABLES!

WARNING: GROSS

Claw, claw
d12
1. Swipe smashes jaw, pulps face, power of speech temporarily destroyed, even magical healing cannot restore the PC to original beauty
2. All raiment/armor rent, subject left totally nude, humiliated
3. Flung 12d12 feet in random direction, additional plummeting damage
4. Seized in claw and squeezed for double damage, bones mashed, innards liquefied in one round unless PC somehow effects escape
5. Carotid artery and jugular vein simultaneously compromised resulting in spectacular jetting bleed out in 3 rounds
6. Claw enters mouth, exits brain-case, instant death
7. Disemboweled with intestines tangled in claw, double damage, its a hell of position to be in
8. Claws impale chest, saving throw or instant death, otherwise dragged around or smashed into comrades until somehow dislodged
9. 1d4 random limbs go flying off
10. Dragon punch: instant KO, two black eyes, broken nose, PC hurtles off into space, smashing into any solid object in trajectory for additional damage
11. Stomp out: subject smashed to ground, extra damage if wearing stiff armor, 1d4 limbs broken
12. Sliced clean through, subject split from crown to crotch, momentary pause for final utterance before falling to pieces

Bite
d12
1. Single fang through the brain, if victim survives: personality, mental capacities permanently changed
2. Dragon gets a good grinding chew in before letting go, double damage
3. Bites off the hand/arm holding the weapon/magic item of greatest use against the dragon, swallows hard, grins
4. Limb seized, victim flung into ceiling (if outdoors, smashed into the ground) for extra bonus impact damage
5. Bitten around torso, victim must somehow escape the next round or be chomped in half
6. Snips off random limb and down the hatch quick as you like
7. Victim impaled on fang and stuck fast, dragon gets automatic claw, claw attack to shed the attachment
8. The old bite and shake: no one ever survives that but PCs are special so you get a saving throw, success indicates double damage
9. Takes a huge chunk out of neck and shoulder, bleed out in three rounds
10. Face raked with rasped tongue, flesh sheered off leaving only skull and goggling eyes
11. Swallowed whole, straight down the gullet, could possibly trigger involuntary eruption of breath weapon, otherwise it's off to the gizzard for a sound thrashing
12. Head bitten off, chewed, spat out at comrades' feet

Wandering Sorcerers

d12
1. Vulnok the Vain: mirrored shades, luxurious blond hair swept up into shape of conical wizard's hat, rides in majestic pose atop the shoulders of his powerful dwarf bearer in fashionable armor, spell book loaded w/arcane beauty aids
2. Hyrantides the Tremulous: wears living cloak of protection fashioned of self-repairing fungi, anticipates incoming blows and bunches up to reduce damage to host, hat and shoulders covered with growth of miniature shriekers triggered by penetration of personal space
3. Eeyika-ah, the Master of Levitation: legs shrivelled from disuse, train of gear follows along behind in mid-air, in constant deep meditative state, speaks from mystic second mouth in forehead
4. Proposus the Pliable: extensible rubber-like arms can conduct business up to 20' away, snake around in the air to form mystic signs and sigils of power
5. Frokulon of Frand: animate beard, provides gestural component to spell casting, unfurls scrolls, makes notations in spell book, hands free to get stabby with twin ebon demon-daggers
6. K'lolos the Cursed: jaw and mouth resemble that of shark, must eat unbelievable quantities of human flesh to sustain sorcerous might, travels with personal chef liberated from Cannibal Isle and pressed into service, must collect and consume large number of perfectly pure hearts and brains unsullied by wickedness for cure, logbook shows good progress but still long way to go
7. Veletrix the Green: half-man, half-vegetable as a result of successful bid to extend natural life, if human half killed by violence constantly regenerating veg half takes over gleefully to exact vengeance on all meat-devils
8. Gorofrond Oozefriend: guarded by faithful gelatinous sphere that self-inflates into escape dirigible upon command, may vomit up rainbow choice of variety of oozes for every occasion thrice daily
9. Eendros the Calamity-weaver: handsome, youthful head transplanted onto towering mummy body, speaks in garbled mishmash of tongues, knows all the death spells, can throw blocks of masonry as hill giant
10. Thruun Boltrider: obsessed with lightning spells, entire spell-book loaded with variations on the theme, thick rubber gloves/boots, eyes crackle with electricity, nervous around water
11. Mad Murthrin: involuntarily projects demi-material hallucinations, surrounded by swirling cloud of tiny demonic advisers issuing put-downs, seems friendly but lashes out without warning
12. Tundolu Two-heads: first head wears wizard hat, second head gagged and blindfolded, if blindfold removed issues bolts of reality-tearing energy that rapidly tunnel through to adjacent dimensions, if un-gagged hollers obscenity-laden revelations re: the true nature of the universe

On The King's Highway

d12
1. Mounted messenger, half-crazed, at full gallop bearing entirely false report of zombie apocalypse
2. Wagon train full of circus performers led by the World's Tallest Halfling, bearer of enchanted monster-repelling amulet
3. Broken mercenary war band, barely enough men on their feet to bear the fallen upon their shields, unconscious wizard employer in critical condition, returning to HQ to extract payment from next of kin
4. Royal archaeologist and swarm of grad students excavate section of road where, if their wild extrapolations from scanty physical evidence are correct, the bones and legendary war-kit of an ancient hero remain undisturbed
5. Battle-nurse in gleaming mail w/enchanted bludgeon of purification travels w/squad of armed aides to site of duel to save the life of stricken noble
6. Stampeding war-horses with only the smoldering hips and legs of their riders remaining
7. Creaking wooden wagon-tower drawn by huge cat, self-luminous green witch in black leather peers out from battlement, gleefully accosts passersby, hands out boons or banes at whim
8. Culinary wizard in mystic robes, extra-tall chef hat, sets out for famine-struck province to proliferate hardy edible fungus, current generation produces semi-disturbing side-effects
9. Public health official returning from investigation of plague outbreak in the grain-producing provinces, doesn't feel so hot himself
10. Wicked sorcerer wearing aviators goggles and scarf test pilots all-terrain necro-mobile propelled by scads of disembodied human legs, performance exceeds expectations, emits howls of self-satisfied laughter
11. Famous demigod seething with rage after learning of human mother's horrible fate: devoured by divine father, en route to holy mountain to destroy the terrifying old man, welcomes any brave enough to come along
12. Disgraced former Dungeon Overlord w/ragtag band of various monsters, slithers off after disastrous raid by super-powerful adventurers, seeks cozy little cave complex in the country in need of strong leadership

Drunk Jerks With Swords

Random encounters in the saloon

d12
1. Sweaty, brutish lout fresh from the wilderness in owlbear-skin suit, giant moustache, smells like beef jerky, utters continuous hate speech against demihumans/savages/foreigners
2. Tall, slender but w/ sinews like steel bands, mismatched bits of gear and armor from defeated foes, despises holy men and paladins because who do they think they are?
3. Scarred escapee from generations of servitude would gleefully hack member of gentry at any opportunity, froths at any obsequious displays, counsels hirelings/henchmen to abandon their masters, collection of teeth knocked out of noble heads
4. Old warrior, too broke to retire, shrivelled but w/ highly refined murder skills, wracking cough, likes to pick on the weak, issues stream of insult comic jabs until target provoked, hides behind lout in entry 1
5. Bloated creep, trickle of saliva from slack lip, incredibly strong but only good for about a minute of combat before wheezing, challenges big guys to feats of strength w/heavy wagering, trash talk, won't pay out if defeated because victor must have cheated
6. Paranoid fighter w/one giant hand won't stop talking about the red reptilians who actually control everything, takes challenges to world view as personal affront
7. Charred fireball survivor can smell a magic-user a stone's throw away and unwilling to take any chances
8. Barrel-bellied gentleman, plate armor straining to contain ever expanding girth, feels all disputes should be resolved via competitive drinking
9. Constable relieved of duties after questionable handling of arrest would love to vent spleen in violent outburst, but to do so lawfully must be struck first
10. Well-spoken cretin espouses half-baked barroom Social Darwinism, goes on at length about how the poor get what they deserve
11. Famous local outlaw fresh from the tailor in fashionable togs, drops silver indiscriminately, gleefully buys round after round, involuntarily hinting at big score he's not supposed to talk about
12. Beloved hero of the previous decade, once-resplendent martial gear now stained and rusty, a bit weird after the dragon bit his head, staggers into people at random w/jostling force, demands apology, saloon patrons very protective

In the Marketplace

d12
1. Butcher w/variety of Underworld meats, dubious sausages, menacing terrines, weird pâté, will pay bounty for reasonably fresh monster corpses
2. Kiosk occupied by capitalist sorcerer selling horses w/full tack shrunken to chihuahua size, resume full stature upon command, comes with reinforced backpack habitarium, tiny bales of feed, extremely pricey
3. Entirely corrupt Royal Inspectors w/squad of elite soldiers shake down dealers, accept only the juiciest of bribes, add arbitrary transaction fees to deals-in-progress, universal acclaim to any who could make this menace disappear
4. Illegal dungeon intoxicant salesman on home-crafted in-line skates zooms around openly pitching wares, issues obscene gestures to 3, above
5. Gnarly-looking tattooist, shirtless, broad grin reveals decorative faux fangs, shaved hairless but for multi-pronged goatee, inked from crown to crotch in riot of styles, art samples on stretched human skin, audible groans from within tent enclosure
6. Ambush cleric of the mighty god of beat-downs: magically conceals self, beans chosen subject w/mace, subsequently revived in back alley under full proselytizing assault
7. Bearded witch under black tarp will curse enemies for cash, outcomes range from minor skin eruptions to howling madness to lethal afflictions, priced accordingly
8. Foreign vendor sells unusual footwear, mostly mundane w/extremely pointy toes, new line of troll-rubber boots that never wear out, enhance sneakiness
9. Levitating mystic w/brass bowl full of coins, opens eyes and issues single dark oracular statement only if exact change deposited
10. Multiple dealers offer stilts and grotesque papier mâché heads to mark upcoming Festival of the Giants
11. Squad of ex-hirelings w/visible wounds selling off goods from party of adventurers killed by poison gas trap, partial dungeon map among items, other tips available for cash payment, will never ever venture below again
12. Dungeon crawl puppet show, picaresque featuring Quazemax the quasi-lich's underworld conquests, magically enhanced production values, buckets of gore, demographic appears to comprise children/simplest louts and warriors, watching entire program yields 1d12 mostly true dungeon rumors

NPC Encounters: In the City Temple

d12
1. Semi-deranged senior citizen had lengthy conversation with some devil or other through her hovel's only door, many disturbing revelations, next visit promised for midnight
2. Philosopher-mage hostile to all religion about to get removed/killed by temple security, hollers out half-crazed/half-sensible diatribe for the abolition of the gods, claims to have concocted new magical argument that will dispel deities if only it can be delivered on their home turf
3. Gaggle of children of high station under tutelage of supremely dangerous monk get first hand lesson on manipulating the masses, tailed by shadowy bat-winged thralls of powerful witch w/ambitious kidnapping scheme
4. Extremely ancient vampire, seen it all, done it all, now looking to end it all
5. Semi-repentant libertine, still at least partially stupefied by recent binge gets the hard sell from clergy, veteran of expedition to local dungeon, knows location of pain in ass treasure
6. Forest ape of above average intellect trying to get a grip on the concept, convinced religiosity is the key by which human nature will at last become comprehensible, but if not, his fellows are correct, humanity must be destroyed
7. Seasoned assassin fresh from gig, immune from prosecution while on temple grounds, performs ritual cleanse followed by fortnight of fasting/meditation, then its off to whack some corrupt official, could maybe use a hand with house guards for cut of astonishing fee
8. Local nobles making customary obeisances and nominal tithes while looking down noses at common rabble, purses fat with filthy lucre, take one look at the PCs and hop back in their palanquins
9. Human trafficker, heavily armed crew of cutthroats w/covered wagon-load of candidates for human sacrifice must have taken a wrong turn somewhere
10. Enshrouded victim of terrible dungeon plague short on time, short on cash for required healing, survivor of ill-fated expedition to nearby dungeon, will trade underworld secrets/rumors for gold
11. Celebrity guest preacher actually magically disguised agent of chaos ready to unleash powers of mind-control on congregation, then begin killing temple clergy one-by-one
12. Sorcerer, beady eyes streaming bitter tears, seeks absolution for crimes against nature, swears off pursuit of the dark arts, renounces worldly possessions including fully stocked tower loaded with magic items (does not mention host of terrifying abominations at liberty within), tears raiment, self-flagellates before shrivelling like a punctured balloon in a black cloud of foulness

NPC Encounters: In the Palace

d12
1. Impostor noble from distant kingdom imposing on hospitality of court: trickster looking to ingratiate, befriend, romance then bilk, borrow, steal, slither off into the night, always looks sharp: ancient magical toga transmutes into any desired raiment once daily
2. League of Evil Physicians chief prepares operating theater for demonstration of novel surgical techniques featuring judicious use of lab-developed slimes, puddings, and jellies
3. Small time arms dealer trying to make the big time, recent alliance w/shady dwarf clan using slave labor to triple output of cheap knockoffs of legendary dwarf war products, samples look terrific
4. Assassin disguised as greatest pastry chef in the land, works in seclusion to prepare colossal cake for prince's birthday, actually frosting covered nail bomb
5. High priest of burgeoning Underworld cult and motley entourage inflict their beastly company upon court, petitioning for mutual non-aggression pact w/the realm, believed to have scads of bejewelled gifts/bribe monies standing by in chambers
6. Traitorous yet super-competent major domo, belittled by the royals for the final time, dying to inject disruptive mayhem into courtly life, PCs look like just the patsies to get things going
7. Eligible young noble, exceedingly well connected and in line for wealth/power, interested in pursuing brief romance with random PC in a ploy to draw out idle suitors of a more desirous variety, once attention garnered instantly discards PC w/public accusations of unsavory conduct
8. Powerful witch in guise of faith healer/spiritual guru to the young nobles, sows the seeds of subtle mind control for the day when the children will destroy their parents and she will harness the potency of this bloodshed to call down her dark masters from the stars
9. Friend of a friend of a hanger-on to the staff of a major noble, also expert duellist, looking for opportunity to make a big splash to kick off campaign of status elevation
10. Thousand year old demigod, somewhat diminished by age but still tremendously scary, showed up drunk and took a wing of the palace for personal use, the royals would love to be rid of the menace
11. Venerable ex-court vizier, forced into retirement by ambitious apprentice, doddering, forgetting spells, now secretly hiring swords to exact his terrible vengeance
12. Mighty hero of the realm, returned from mind-bending sojourn into some Hell or other, armor crafted of green leviathan chitin, wicked radiant war-cleaver sidearm, refuses to remove helmet or speak, takes nourishment through mouth slit, squire cautions everyone against sudden moves

More Big City Street Weirdos

d12
1. Human obstacle: this hulking fellow, once-great warrior dinged in the helmet by a giant, affable at first, simply will not get out of the way, throngs of city folk sympathetic to his plight give wide berth
2. Artificial sheriff: crude handmade badge of station, tattered raiment in imitation of city constabulary, speech like movie Frankenstein, attempts to place random party member under arrest for crimes indecipherable
3. Lady who SCREEEEAAAMMMSS everything she says, generally gets all the way up in grill before letting loose paranoid diatribe describing current city officials as patsies for vampire cabal
4. Peculiar, slightly smelly fellow with no discernible skills or profession who really wants to be friends very badly, persistent, ingratiating, offers self up as retainer happy to perform the lowliest of tasks
5. Genius street urchin who learned charm person from senile magic user
6. Charming old lady who used to be a badass fighter must eat gold to live, metabolism permanently changed by encounter with the legendary Gold River of the Underworld, she's full of stories but expensive tastes must be indulged
7. Suspiciously pale performer actually controlled by vampire monkey sidekick
8. Ol' Snakepockets: reputable breeder specialising in deadly vipers, literally squirming at all times w/ 2d12 living snakes around neck, up sleeves, in pants, hair, headgear, etc.
9. Mighty-looking beggar warrior w/compulsive gambling issue saving up coppers to get sword out of hock, would appreciate help in exchange for services
10. Street surgeon: expelled from academy for outlandish (frequently correct) theories, highly successful secret practice responsible for refurbishing criminal element, provides healing, cures diseases non-magically, barter system, sewer-level offices stuffed with stolen trinkets/magic items
11. World's smallest halfling:almost a foot tall, massive sideburns, bloated, appears ungainly but scampers like anything, catches rats with teeth, looking for work, voice like James Earl Jones
12. Man under witch's curse: skin perpetually bursts into flames, lives in water filled-barrel, street folk bring him victuals, warm themselves

Random Items: Dungeon Level Ten

d12
1. Enchanted photo-real 3-D portrait of the Dungeon Overlord as a young man/woman/entity, demon-sculpted black frame of evil alone worth small fortune, but would look great over mantle @ adventurer's HQ
2. Parked outside treasure sorting room: large wheeled bin full of clothing, armor, gear stripped from startling number of dead adventurers, highlights include: exciting footwear, unusual equipment, interesting helmets
3.One-third bottle of sour mash whiskey of monster control: works great but unbelievably potent
4. Silver whistle creates imperceptible sound wave that destroys bond between artificially installed animus and flesh/other matter, renders much necromancy null and void, terminally disrupts corporeal undead, single charge remaining
5. Brain-shaped crystal formation, enhances intellect to super-human level when in physical contact, weighs one thousand pounds, floods brain w/crazy ideas
6. Bat-winged jumpsuit w/horned space helmet from member of Hell's Courier Service killed by Dungeon Overlord for delivering bad news, affords excellent protection from weapons, fire & infernal weather, transporter belt w/single button takes wearer to Hell and back, impervious satchel of holding attached
7. Phalanx of inert robo-hoplites w/Corinthian helm of remote control, instruction manual, in gift-wrapped shipping container
8. Gag gift for Dungeon Overlord from subsequently assassinated member of inner circle: aerosol can of paladin repellent, actually sort of works, renders only the pure and noble green around the gills
9. Locked coffer filled with scrolls detailing accumulated research/elaborate plan to import elder being from adjacent dimension, install in the heavens to create permanent eclipse, creatures of the night take over
10. Soul-powered bio-mechanical dungeon excavator, like small rail car on multitude of stubby legs, business end a riot of shovels and picks, hacks out standard 10' dungeon corridor/minute, extrudes rubble as usable masonry, very thirsty for souls indeed
11. Rod of Dungeon Mastery: projects rays that reduce the weak-willed to minion status, compel spirits of the Underworld to reveal mysteries of dungeon ecology, deactivate traps/automated tricks, open doors as per knock spell, multi-horned skull topper gives directions w/gentle voice, warns of self destruct mechanism should the object be taken from the dungeon
12. Dungeon Overlord's experimental super-armor, unfinished but still rather awesome, emits waves of fear, induces supplication, enhances strength/endurance/speed, impervious to anything short of an exploding shell, when out of soul-fuel consumes that of occupant

Random Items: Dungeon Level Nine

d12
1. Just back from the cleaners: wardrobe's worth of human size cult raiment, outrageous, multiply spiked and pronged, towering headgear like baroque cathedrals, in all the most evil colors, hateful devil face masks included
2. Huge, perfectly cut jewels with self-generating spider legs, scamper to avoid capture, bite with gem fangs loaded with virus-like mineral venom, transmutes great swaths of living cells into crystalline slough
3. Skin-bound tourist's phrasebook of Hell, covers many dialects of the Abyss, also includes instructions for producing weird tones and ululations perceptible to Elder Gods using common household items
4. In huge lead box, melted shut: bust of current Chaos Bishop cast in gold, diamond and blue sapphire eyes, neck and shoulders covered in gemstones simulating mail, crafted back when he only had a few facial tentacles
5. Sometimes a giant cigar is just a giant cigar
6. Sorcerer with look of supreme confidence and enviable array of gear turned to stone, subsequently smashed to chunks, dropped scroll amongst the rubble intact, inscribed w/potent chaos-dampening spell
7. Spiked mallet of soul-extinguishing: critical hit indicates direct shot to pineal gland, annihilates soul leaving behind greying remnant, lacking all joie de vivre, looking forward only to oblivion
8. Large black medical bag: huge tube of high potency anti-fungal cream, one dose ointment of regeneration, jar w/rather menacing giant leech that cures disease, sealed envelope containing one inert colony body lice of healing
9. Bejewelled sofa with wicked clawed feet carved from devil bones, upholstered with fabrics woven from precious metals, worth a fortune on secondary market of evil, would look fantastic in wealthy vampire's lair, too bad its on level nine
10. Massive enchanted sacrificial dagger (as short sword), unerringly seeks the heart of opponent once daily but only after time-consuming/embarrassing ritual
11. Soul-powered dungeon hovercraft, seats five w/one more in the automatic ballista turret, not very fuel-efficient
12. Crown of Hell, minor: cloven in two by vorpal sword (shattered, shards everywhere) wielded by mighty paladin (broken, pulverized body nearby), devoid of terrible powers but made from priceless/incredibly rare infernal metals

Random Items: Dungeon Level Eight

d12
1. Huge enchanted syringe crafted for soul-extraction, assembly required, components packed in padded box
2. Floating storage locker, borne aloft by Tenser wave, currently loaded w/relatively valueless tchotchkes from Hell
3. Leviathan ivory scrimshaw depicting pivotal turning points in history of alternative reality
4. Full helm shaped as vulture's head, imparts ability to sense bloodshed, death, decay up to one mile distant
5. Dress jacket with eight decorative tentacles where epaulets should be, obey mental commands of wearer
6. Crate wrapped by tamper-resistant chain of security containing scads of dubious underworld currency, surrounded by recently slain bodies of delivery-humanoids
7. Large glass bottle filled with fist-sized capsules each containing inert ooze, just add copious amounts of water
8. Lock box full of crude medals festooned with skulls (gold, electrum, silver) for various events in upcoming Underworld Games
9. Lead-lined barrel, sealed and ensorcelled, holy symbols of every stripe stored within, awaiting pickup by hazmat disposal humanoids
10. Platinum idol of rearing diplodocus-god, jewel eyes, only half-excavated from stone wall
11. Package marked for delivery to Science Commander of adjacent dungeon complex, peer-reviewed treatise on detecting evil at cellular level, litmus test kit, specimen samples from various underworld horrors
12. Soul-fueled power generator, valve fits syringe (entry 1), several hundred feet of coiled cable w/metal clamps

Random Items: Dungeon Level Seven

d12
1. Scroll of Holding: created by now-senile godling before totally losing it, stores unlimited amounts of information, spells, maps, other documents, contents from far-flung paleogean epochs right up to last Tuesday, no index
2. Small herd of stampeding treasure chests, fully loaded, ambulating upon clockwork horse legs, dispatched to secret summer house of the quasi-lich in adjacent dungeon complex
3. Wand of Transmission: fires bolt of information unerringly, decoded by brain of target who must make a saving throw or forget own name, other vital bits, for 1d12 hours
4. Gentleman's formal attire of Hell, bat-wing bow tie, fiendish spats, freshly cleaned and pressed, sized for twelve foot tall being of robust build, wing holes, smart lines, black-on-red design, fabric woven from wondrous alien metals, weighs a ton
5. Precise ink diagram on good vellum w/notations in thieves' code, burned a bit, trodden on, crumpled, indicates exact locations of 1d4 treasures on level 8
6. Pumpkin-size Golden Apple of the Gods, a single bite instantly increases the intellect if saving throw vs. death succeeds, then roll HERE for good measure
7. Enchanted steel snail shell w/tiny door, magic phrase allows owner and carried equipment to shrink down and take shelter within should that ever seem like a good idea
8. Gong of Supplication (Humanoid): tone precisely mimics signature fanfare of wicked deity, when sounded brings single type of humanoid to knees, wailing and grovelling as one might until ruse discovered
9. Cast iron Codpiece of Protection: gruesome bat-face design, prodigious magical bonus to armor rating but cannot be worn with anything else other than boots and helmet, maybe a cape, or enchantment negated
10. Vial w/1d12 blue and red capsules, if taken causes toxic gas to gush forth prodigiously from mouth as per cloudkill 
11. Large, relatively slow-moving bats w/four wings, bellies stuffed with gems, winging their way to quasi-lich's summer house in adjacent dungeon complex
12. Trained all-weather gelatinous cube: follows commands played on tin whistle, master can be encysted within for effortless transport over land or sea, great storage capacity, secretes acid as desired

Random Items: Dungeon Level Six

d12
1. Miniature scale model of recent dungeon construction in extraordinary detail, placement of some death traps subsequently revised
2. Bag full of feathers from angel wings, razor sharp, stronger than steel, exude palpable aura of goodness repellent to soulless/undead, make for awesome magic arrows
3. Cursed fifty foot rope of treachery: to all appearances of the finest quality, ties/unties self at worst possible moment
4. Smart putty, ensorcelled to adhere to face and alter features to desired arrangement at whim, if attempted more than once/day user must make saving throw or face becomes writhing oozing out-of-control mask of unpleasantness
5. Dust and cobweb obscured solid gold trophy for competitive eating championship awarded to Dungeon Overlord earlier in career
6. Severed head of a fellow with terrible hairdo of chaos and ornate earrings of evil, partial dental appliance contains authentic demon fangs, soul-freezing bite attack paralyzes as ghoul, extractions required for use in most healthy PCs
7. Glass globe w/sentient gas being on elegant pedestal, telepathic, bitter, hateful, eats oxygen, famished, if released will instantly suck the air out of the room
8. Former enemies of the Dungeon Overlord, bodies preserved by dip in liquid gold, removed from public display years ago
9. Still-warm crock of giant centipede gumbo, quite nourishing, diabolically spicy, save vs. gastro-intestinal distress 1d4 hours after consumption
10. Shaman's medicine bag, straps hacked through, spattered with gore, contents interesting (tiny skulls of unknown origin, ancient coins no one collects anymore, new and unusual fungi, a shrunken human foot, stinky resins, assorted dried berries, etc.), seem like they should have some kind of mystic function but add up to a hill of beans
11. Gleaming helm w/large frilly moth-like antennae that sense movement/subtlest shifts in air current to a range of 120 feet
12. Palm size diamond, sentient, telepathic, awakened when cut by forgotten god at the dawn of time, has seen it all, knows it all, starving for attention after long isolation, exceedingly clingy and needy but good with numbers, volunteers to become financial advisor to adventurers