Sunday, June 29, 2014

Dropping the Discount Bomb

Illustration from the book by Chris Brandt that I kind of want on a t-shirt or on the side of a van.

The Dungeon Dozen book, both hardcover and paperback versions, is now discounted 20% off of its original price. You can save an additional 20% by using the current Lulu coupon code: JFS20
The Lulu offer ends June 30th at 11:59 PM.
Click on the book cover in the upper left corner of this page.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

It's in the Wizard's Pipe


1. Dried fronds of the Primordial Fern, allows wizard to comprehend languages/philosophies of reptiles, amphibians, trilobites, eyes take on creepy reptilian appearance during use
2. Swamp-leaf of the Enshrouding Stench: creates powerful odor that automatically repels most non-intelligent creatures, irritates fellow party members, terminates unwanted romantic entanglements
3. Eggshell of Chimaera: smoke morphs into visual representation of user's thoughts, punishing headache follows
4. Ground bones of Ancestor Wizards: enhances enthusiasm for slaving over mystic tomes, good for pulling all-nighters at need, allows wizard to re-learn forgotten spells w/out rest, but must crash for full 24 hours after single use or drop dead
5. Pine needles of the Cleansing Vapor: brings fresh aroma to otherwise intolerably stinky places, mitigates effects of poisonous gases
6. Weed of Truth: when blown in the face, smoke compels subject to speak only truth but smoker can speak only lies for 1d12 hours
7. Bark of the World Tree: places user in temporary harmony w/nature, enhances awareness of environmental impact of dark sorcery, carbon footprint
8. Potpourri of Coercion: creates pleasant-smelling 10'-diameter cloud of charm (as spell), wizard must take lengthy nap after use
9. Grey-skull green: exhaled upon warrior-types to excite combat-lust, gets them hollering obnoxious jingoistic battle-cries/slogans, smacking each other on sweaty backs, ready to roll
10. Brixbool's volcanic blend: rich, complex flavor, sharp exhale propels impressive/damaging cascade of red-hot embers up to 10'
11. Dried ears of bat: creates smoke of silence, short-lived magical effect useful for blowing on the shoes of thieves, flapping gums of big-mouths etc.
12. Signal fungus: smoking encodes thoughts of user into form of magical azure cloud, travels up to 1 mile to designated recipient, message transmitted if inhaled, can be intercepted

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

More Weird Plants in the Underworld Garden

Note: Plants listed below possess erebosynthetic metabolisms, converting darkness to energy by an unknown and probably unholy process
1. Giant black vines, bean-like pods contain up to six vegetal brains encased in human-like skulls, lash out in self-defense with waves of mind-nullifying telepathy
2. Lurid phosphorescent glue-pot lilies produce a daily dollop of adhesive nectar, creates permanent molecular bond
3. Purple cabbages w/glowing green veins conceal 1d12 torpid cavern pixies, awakened in all of their eldritch malice by the presence of human greed
4. Hell's geraniums collect, produce condensed darkness, the nectar of uttermost night, weaponized into ebon powder by the subtlest subterranean humanoids
5. Giant underdaisies remain closed until swollen by particularly tasty blood sacrifice then bloom explosively releasing hundreds of vampire bats
6. Leafless cave trees produce no fruit but add a certain hideous ambiance with their twisting root-like limbs crisscrossing from floor to ceiling, providing habitat for giant song-birds
7. Sonic succulents cling to all surfaces, issue thunderous defense akin to deranged John Entwhistle bass solo, temporarily deafens humans who approach, cave behemoths dance
8. Thirsty vines maintain the deep red coloration of their majestic levitating bulb by snaking stealthily into wine-skins of passersby, draining them w/astonishing speed, occasionally downing the odd potion as well
9. Cave cows: ambulatory feeding pods attach to central stalk by tether-like tendrils, selectively graze upon less desirable underweeds, trolls milk them to make their terrible cheeses
10. Spectacular iridescent flowers exude powerful fragrance, attractive at a distance, lethal to humans at close range, produces euphoric stupor in giants, dragons, sometimes found in blissful repose nearby
11. Colossal pumpkin-like gourds with thick fibrous shells harvested by humanoids for conversion to domiciles portable via giant lizard-driven sledges
12. 1d12 dwarfs in various stages of development dangle fruit-like from the Dwarfmother Bush, adults maintain a pile of axes and hammers nearby, snapped up instantly by their freshly dropped siblings