Saturday, February 23, 2013

Random Underworld Ecosystem Part One

Base of the Food Chain
1. Nutritious but extremely mutagenic Chaos juice bubbling up from source deep below
2. Murdered and stashed body of lesser god slowly decaying
3. Giant fungus that mimics fruit, attracts surface herbivores, bestows Underworld survival adaptations
4. Swarms of land krill continuously produced by spontaneous generation in central font
5. Gigantic, semi-sentient and very tasty anaerobic bacterial colonies flourishing around volcanic vents
6. Radiation from ancient meteorite promotes growth of mobile slime colonies
7. Magically reanimated spectral plants sustain undead herbivores
8. Waste from dragon's lair on mountainside above, deposited daily by slaves
9. Black micro-sun in central cavern nourishes jungle of black and purple ferns
10. Sentient radiant gas cloud playing god
11. Reality breach/wormhole in cave wall allows frequently delicious alien bioforms to spew forth
12. Giant stockpile of super-nutritive chow awaiting arrival of space-borne army of conquest but breached and exploited by cave scavengers

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Less Lethal Forms of the Undead

1. Spectral informant: semi-detached observers of mortal activity, take perverse pleasure in revealing embarrassing/illegal/top secret tidbits to interested parties
2. The Famished Dead: epicurean spirits perpetually hankering for fine dining, known to show up and ruin fancy meals
3. Zombie, indifferent: stagger to and fro aimlessly, remain utterly clueless even if attacked
4. Quasi-lich: animate remains of once-powerful sorcerer, arcane energies depleted utterly in defeat of death, fascinating conversationalists
5. Vampire, tiny: strength of 20 pixies, able to turn into a mosquito or a wee little puff of vapor, command mice, shrews, insects
6. Robber ghouls: dungeon muggers with no interest whatever in the flesh of the living, in it strictly for the money
7. Idiot spirits: created when certifiable fools perish in an especially stupid way, cannot figure out how to get to the afterlife without assistance
8. Invisible voyeur: detectable only by magic, they just like to watch
9. Ghosts of extinct animal types from the Cambrian explosion: bitter about status as evolutionary culs-de-sac, harmlessly vent their eternal anguish while appearing weird and scary
10. Undead Poet's Society: gather bi-weekly for interminable readings at scenic Underworld locations, its a wonder how modestly talented wordsmiths improve given a few hundred extra years of practice 
11. Ghost fungus: grows unceasingly on spirits of the living, causing random alignment confusion in the infected
12. Angry Skulls: when skeletons are left on duty well past their sell-by date they eventually lose their limbs to wear and tear, becoming mere floating skulls with bits of spinal column attached, still performing their assigned tasks, attacking adventurers with impotent phantom limbs

Requested by Andrew May

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Missing Ingredient for the Emergency Antidote

1. Ectoplasmic residue from a friendly ghost
2. Essence of solar flare
3. Cornea of a gorgon
4. One dozen pixie brains, whole
5. Flop sweat from the brow of currently reigning monarch
6. Werewolf vomit
7. Infected tooth of a giant
8. Pineal gland of a soothsayer whose uncanny prescience disallows surprise attack of any kind
9. Vial of tears from an innocent prior to execution
10. Two Cockatrice egg whites, beaten to stiff peaks
11. Willingly donated venom from the scorpion queen's stinger
12. First bud of spring from the uppermost branch of the colossal oak which also happens to house two competing clans of sentient giant wasps

Requested by John Harris

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Even More Planes of Existence

1. Sub-atomica: subspatial zone where Quarkmen lasso wild string and wrangle them into new formations, a reality farm from which it is rumored all other planes originated
2. Energy Plane: crackling with galaxy-sized sparks and lightning bolts, this zone hums with raw power devoid of purpose, a cosmic battery inhabited by incorporeal entities, dispassionate minds and cosmic observers, secure in the knowledge they could unleash unimaginable destructive forces if ever subject to extra-planar menace of any kind
3. Animist World: a quite lively place wherein every single object, creature, plant, etc., including anything brought by visitors, is a living spirit, you will hear moans and complaints from your boots, your large sack and ten foot pole have some opinions they've been meaning to share, and so forth
4. Forbidden Plane: this unknown zone must contain some incredible secret, because divine or otherwise supremely powerful beings, entities that agree on little or nothing else, abide by the strictest code of silence regarding this place, swiftly suppressing any information that may fall into mortal hands by any means necessary
5. Platonic Realm of Form and Essence: here the ideal beholder uses perfectly realized eyebeams to destroy essential adventurers
6. Neutral Zone: in this little known cosmos beings from various other realities arrange to meet and come to terms, no violence can exist here and implements of war and destructive powers simply wink out of existence upon entry
7. Seat of Inter-planar Government: a reality composed entirely of majestic classical marble fora, abandoned but for the mournful spirits of cosmic legislators past.
8. Theokosmos: an extremely isolated universe occupied almost entirely by attention-starved gods, demigods, and heroes, depopulated of minions, worshippers and underlings by an impartial demiurge
9. Entropic Plane: the realm of true chaos, seething, frothing, mindless, but forever spewing forth novelty, not a place to actually enter, but rather an inexhaustible resource to tap for its wild potency
10. Pharmocopia: world of the drug takers, they have a pill, tablet, IV drip, suppository, syringe, eyedropper, etc. for absolutely everything, an endlessly bleak urban landscape, everything, including raw materials for their unmatched chemical production facilities, must be secured via interplanar trade, some say Mighty Zues himself cannot face the day without a mood-stabilizing Pharmocopian smoothie
11. Gonzopia: this lozenge-shaped continent floating in the aether hosts incongruous and incompatible beings from every corner of the multiverse, look, there's Darth Vader having a conversation with Ronald McDonald and Thor!
12. Funhouse Mirror Universe: Mr. Spock has a beard, paladins spear puppies for amusement, vampires devote themselves to the betterment of their fellow beings, angels will burn you to a cinder with blazing eyebeams just for looking in their direction, great white sharks breech the waters only to vomit cotton candy, etc

Sunday, February 10, 2013

There are No Hobbits in this World

Exceedingly optional replacements for the small, nimble, elusive and pipeweed-toking wee folk.
All entries below assumed to be 3 1/2 feet tall or less.

1. Living totem: animated by shaman for mission fulfilled ages ago, free will granted, now seek thrills, can combine into towering uber-creature with fellow living totems at need
2. Australopithecus: limited intellectually but extremely quick/agile, tireless, shaky morale due to stronger than human instinct for self-preservation, attack bonus with specially crafted throwing-bones
3. Half-fairy: occur when human and fairy or pixie somehow get it on, vestigial wings allow for enhanced jumps, proof against falling, inherent magical abilities (light, charm, spells of bamboozlement) increase with experience
4. Pumpkinhead Jacks: when Oliver Twist-like street urchins fall in the line of duty they sometimes return as child-size quasi-dead beings with jack-o-lantern heads and huge chips on their shoulders
5. The Devil's grandchildren: flaming skulls for heads but otherwise halfling-like wee demons unleashed for a long-forgotten purpose, now roam the earth looking for trouble
6. Anthropomorphic wolverine (cigar chomping optional)
7. Enlightened giant rats w/eerily human-like hands (Brown Jenkin style)
8. Semi-anthropomorphic bats, incapable of flight due to wings re-evolved into usable hands, but may glide like flying squirrel with connecting skin flaps, all ears and nose, excellent with missile weapons due to echolocation
9. Pocket mummies: mysterious undead remnants of a time-lost race of hobbit-ish creatures, now hoard magics to someday revive glorious Shires of antiquity
10. Bug-heads: diminutive chaos beings under an ancient curse, halfling-shaped but with random insect heads (d6: 1 praying mantis, 2 dragonfly nymph, 3 warrior termite, 4 stag beetle, 5 horsefly, 6 moth), reproduce at alarming rate, always slipping off to lay clutch of new eggs
11. Ever-so-slightly anthropomorphic giant pill bugs: simulate bipedal locomotion with two pairs of rear legs, excellent natural armor, prefer dignified fighting w/rapier & stiletto, can roll like the dickens
12. Marmoset men: surprisingly vicious in unarmed combat, strong magical aptitude, like fancy hats and scarves

Requested by Dungeon Smash

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Weird Dungeon Fog

1. Depilatory fog: released by a deranged sorcerer for an unknown purpose, roams corridors searching for the hirsute
2. Fog of Sticky Accretion: lengthy exposure reveals adhesive build up on surfaces, swords stick in their scabbards, the friendly shoulder-pat becomes a drawn out affair
3. Fog bank that is actually a swarm of microscopic winged crustaceans, able to strip corpses in seconds
4. Hygroscopic fog: sucks the moisture from living beings for dessication damage, lethal to slugmen
5. Fog Bank of the Impromptu Dance: compels those within to gyrate rhythmically for 1d6 minutes, if engaged in combat: dance fight!
6. Luxuriant Vapors of Cleanliness: often located in basins, tubs and sealed chambers, soothes, calms and renders impeccably spic and span
7. Black fog: a roving patch of total darkness (as spell, but can be dispersed by wind/other disturbances)
8. Swirling Banks of Obfuscation: arcane fog generally invoked to add another layer of security to hidden treasures and secrets, also employed to further conceal pits and other deathtraps
9. Vernal Mist of Enlightenment: dungeon secrets enter the brains of those exposed via osmosis
10. Fog of Amnesia: renders those within its influence utterly clueless until they escape, wizards lose random spells
11. Fog of Eros: arouses otherwise latent passions, especially efficacious on the most repressed personalities
12. Hot volcanic fog: looks normal, burns like hell

Note: Just knocking the rust of the ol' blog today, warming up recently disused d12 muscles. Next up: I begin working through requests.