Tuesday, August 26, 2014

The Barbarians Call it "Style"

1. Crude tattoo of totem monster covering at least 25% of available canvas, may only wear armor on remaining 75%
2. Sleeveless half-shirt of passably gleaming mail, snake skin g-string, leather strap straining under weight of lethal ironmongery
3. Thick mammoth-leather armor that covers everything but the naughty bits
4. Human hair & scalp full-body jumpsuit, hair greased to stand on end
5. Necklace made of mummified paws of giant snow-cat, inward pointing claws, tightened before battle
6. Codpiece crafted from pelvic bone of Deinonychus, broad-brimmed straw hat
7. All R&D efforts of tribe seemingly expended upon advanced footwear, stone-age equivalent of high end cross-trainers in all the colors of the rainbow, position/rank in tribe easily determined by degree of splendor
8. Hauberk made from layers of petrified teeth of the woolly land-shark, hair smeared w/reeking fat, shaped in tribute to dorsal fin
9. Outlandishly wide/thick leather belt laden w/death-dealing implements, that's it
10. Cave bear fangs installed in mouth via magical dentistry, tight-fitting bearskin pants
11. Tall black leather helmets festooned w/multitude of small dried pterodactyl wings
12. Unsavory symbiotic arrangement achieved with blood-drinking creeping vine, produces attractive, leafy covering w/some protective value, flowers when spritzed w/blood of enemies which must be provided regularly else the barbarian host be drained


  1. #3....ewww. I'm not in favour of censorship, but that entry made me push towards a 12 or 12A rating. ;)