Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Found Among the Regular Scrolls

Barbarian heroes of the Odious Uplands, not big readers

1. Semi-accurate map of juicy nearby dungeon now stripped clean of treasures by expedition of famous evil sorcerer, haunted by noxious gas-giants summoned for spite on the way out
2. Rolled canvas with mind-bending original painting by infamous sorcerer of invisible stalker completed just prior to mysterious disappearance
3. Fancy map of the world prior to most recent global catastrophe, if scratched in certain spots with the edge of a coin paint rubs off to reveal precise locations of dungeons, lost treasures
4. Sealed by wax impressed with chief devil's signet (summons mindless devils of vengeance if broken), contract signed in blood between Lord of Hell and Lord of the Next Manor Over
5. Recipe for griddlecakes of temporary invulnerability (served for breakfast, works until lunchtime), must be dressed with syrup derived from ultra-rare iron oak, only known living specimen in Mad Gardener's mountain top greenhouse 
6. Writ of passage through forbidden zone now dividing the realms of Order, signed by evil God Queen herself, presumably still honored by monsters and humanoids that would otherwise annihilate human travelers, potential new trade route!
7. Map indicating position of ancient lost treasure some 500 feet beneath the local Lord's manor (appropriated from previous Lord, now deceased), accessible via unknown shaft concealed beneath floor in busy concubines' chamber
8. List of prominent citizens (including relatives and known associates) believed to be fomenting armed uprising against beloved regional potentate
9. 100% accurate diagram of the Planes of Existence, totally at odds with currently accepted schema
10. Complete plans for manufacture of dungeon hovercraft, technological innovations carefully explained, requires ample supply of antigravistone believed in hoard of prominent dragon
11. Official court papers declaring status as non compos mentis, rights and property forfeit, signed and notarized, name of subject left blank
12. Instructional poster w/pointers for locating, exploiting nerve-cluster known to temporarily reduce dragons to quivering heaps when struck with blunt force at just the right angle 

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