Sunday, December 29, 2013

Zealots in the Streets

1. Trio of totally nude, heavily muscled missionaries, complete mythic story arc of terrible deity encoded in highly detailed pictogram tattoos covering 99.9% of their bodies, presented with much ritual posing and flexing
2. Gaggle of black sarong-clad death worshippers hurrying off to nearby shrine for massive auto-annihilation ceremony
3. Flagellites of extremely ascetic order give each other shots across the shins w/wicked bamboo implements while chanting on interminably
4. Thooloo's Witnesses politely inform all encountered of imminent doom and inescapable damnation, distribute pamphlets loaded with scary woodcuts
5. Acolytes of the Beatdown God twist their mustachios, roll up their sleeves, command passersby to put up their dukes and settle things like men i.e. no-holds-barred bare knuckle brawling sans unmanly war implements
6. Priestess of Aggrox the Axe Lord more than willing to demonstrate the superiority of her faith using the legendary Axe of Helm-Cleaving punctuated judiciously w/volleys of throwing axes of certain disarmament
7. Jolly Templar of the Cosmic Brewmaster wears barrel on back, dispenses pints in exchange for a short song of praise for deity, monkey sidekick w/waterskin backpack washes mugs, juggles, dances amusingly to songs
8. Outfitted in flipper and fin-adorned wetsuits w/begoggled pope hats, underworld sea god devotees harangue pedestrians w/promises of eternal holiday at Undersea-side resort/temple
9. Haughty missionaries of the God of Conspicuous Consumption drip w/expensive-looking baubles, too snooty to proselytize to adventuring riff-raff
10. Unholy combination of busker/bard/cleric of the beauty god yodel out super-catchy devotionals with insidiously memorable hooks, saving throw vs. throwing contribution into lute case
11. Demi-material missionary ghosts roam about, issue reports of full afterlife satisfaction for the faithful should they devote their remaining days to serving Paxamamnon the Colossal Sculptor of Worlds, single commandment: destroy all sorcerers
12. Yyrgh the Celestial Organizer requires a golden pyramid for unexplainable reasons, his shaved, oiled, yellow toga-clad worshippers must accumulate building materials by taking on menial jobs like torchbearer, treasure-hauler, legitimately earned gold delivered to convenient pyramid-shaped depositories throughout city

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