Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Weird Giant Generator

For use if inclined to generate weird giants. Roll once on each table, purée results into suitable menace.

Table One: Head
1. Great bulgy eyes, ever googling, telescopic/microscopic vision, squints to perceive events in several dimensions/heavenly realms, offers occasional unsolicited reports
2. Huge bat ears, detects butterfly wing flapping on adjacent continent
3. Jaws work sideways, insect style, but otherwise human, speaks well, very inquisitive
4. Saber-toothed Neanderthal
5. Monocular, multiply horned, shark-like teeth
6. Like Max Schreck as Nosferatu
7. Quite stunning example of human-like beauty, fabulous hairdo, black eyes filled with stars
8. Tyrannosaurus head
9. Protruding rodent buck teeth, can chew through most anything at terrifying rate
10. Hideous mosquito head, harpoon-shaped proboscis, blood drain attack
11. Only burning eyes visible through shaggy caveman hairdo, incredible beard hosts complete ecosystem
12. Tremendous gaping but disturbingly toothless mouth swallows whole, emits stone-shattering hollers heard 'round the world

Table Two: Body type/size
1. 30' in height, impossibly spindly as normal human stretched skyward by pitiless deities, astonishing strength and flexibility
2. 12' tall, nude w/smattering of woad, rippling with steely muscles from head to toe, veins writhe about visibly, savagely bites own hand to enter utterly berserk combat frenzy
3. Like a bipedal woolly mammoth w/opposable thumbs
4. Human proportions but 20' tall, clad in impeccably tailored finery on the bleeding edge of style
5. Bloated and swollen as if about to burst, 17' tall, naked but for custom skull codpiece
6. 36' of naked, green-glowing skeleton
7. 12' Frankensteinian w/huge heavy heeled boots, ill-fitting sport coat, stagger-lopes at surprising speed
8. 35' tall, 4 arms, 4 legs, roll for additional head
9. 18' clad all in found ironmongery fashioned of bits of armor, shields gathered from fallen foes
10. 99' of sickly, emaciated form draped in hospital gown stained grotesquely
11. Like a hairless 25' gorilla in a chainmail speedo
12. 40' tall Andre the Giant at peak of muttonchop period

Table Three: Additional oddity
1. Survived crash landing of colossal UFO in polar reaches but brain damaged/gone feral
2. Literally thunderous footfall an innate magical special effect
3. 2d12 personalities vying for control
4. Cursed to wander from city to city begging for alms between destructive sprees
5. Involuntarily howls obscenities so you always know when he's coming
6. Terrified of small dogs for some reason, screams like proverbial school girl, assumes fetal position, whimpers pathetically
7. Unable to control lust for golden treasure the sight of which triggers childlike fascination, readily manipulable
8. Believes self to be incarnation of primal god of wrath, demands immediate fealty, works hard to maintain semi-permanent state of fury
9. Demi-material, 50% resistant to physical attacks, able to disintegrate/reintegrate in new location at will once daily
10. Automatic mind control: standard giant types, generally travels with motley crew (2d12 mixed giants)
11. Must constantly feed as shrew, carries huge reeking feedbag of various dead things
12. Swells to even grosser immensity if angered following brief, agonizing transformation period