Monday, March 17, 2014

"We Search the Dead Emperor's Body"

1. Aperture in raiment allows speedy deployment of dagger strapped to chest, automatically coated in deadly venom by enchanted sheath
2. Last will and testament, instructions for transition of power in the event of assassination, embossed in tiny print upon adamant amulet w/unbreakable chain
3. The most comfy pair of socks imaginable woven from the incredibly soft and dense chest fur of the recently missing Yeti Lama
4. Ceremonial toga w/emperor survival kit sewn into hem, includes food pellets, tiny evaporated cure-all potion flask, lip balm, matchstick-sized signal flare, fifth of bourbon in flexible tube, suicide pills 
5. Perforation-proof head-to-toe bodysuit, transparent
6. Key to secret library in palace containing filed reports of spy service agents, has the dirty on everyone of importance
7. Ring of Underling Control
8. Fake beard, moustache hidden in reversible undergarment
9. Lump under skin on ribcage: huge diamond emergency fund, surgical kit hidden in belt
10. Eyedropper filled w/distilled vital essences of 1000 children, single drop under tongue arrests aging process, heals wounds/afflictions, larger doses dangerous to lethal
11. Elaborate crown held fast by animate insect legs seemingly just part of baroque design, if forcible removal attempted central eye motif blasts out spell of instant death, 10' radius
12. Bejewelled ring w/button-triggered barb that administers dose of condensed potion of seduction

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