Friday, April 3, 2015

Jolly Terrors in the Underworld

1. Titanic evil worm, wicked hearts beating visibly beneath skin w/unprecedented elation, just deposited clutch of eggs beneath Imperial Capitol City, life cycle complete, looks forward to brief, comfortable retirement, sweet oblivion
2. Giant amoeboid in state as close to ecstasy as it can achieve, positively stuffed with entire clan of puny humanoids, partially digested, tiny armaments, loincloths, coins excreted continuously, couldn't possibly pass another thing through semi-permeable cell wall
3. Lich with uncharacteristic spring in otherwise rickety step, whistles merry tune from previous age, en route w/hideous undead entourage to collect winnings after winning bet with dragon
4. Several huge, stupid humanoids stagger, howl with euphoric laughter, pass around sack filled w/psychoactive mushrooms, could at any moment enter cascading psychotic frenzy (which they also enjoy)
5. Evil cave cetacean revels in handy victory in public debate against the Lord of the Cavern Clams in front of Underworld VIPs including long-shot love interest, consultant job offers should be rolling in, considering options, risk averse
6. Gleeful floating eyeball zips to and fro, finally cured of chaos-rot by The Colossal Surgeon, able to once again to enjoy simple pleasures of pain-free levitation
7. Nothing can spoil the mood of the wingless dragon, bloated and slithering at sub-normal speed, has swallowed entirety of rival dragon's golden hoard for transportation back to lair
8. Towering Frankenstein, poorly assembled from cave giant parts, laughs and frolics, final revenge upon creator a complete success, pulverized body dangles like a rag doll from enormous fist
9. Intelligent dinosaur chokes back tears of joy, moved deeply by discovery of time rift leading to Age of Reptiles, temporarily sets aside customary hostility toward all mammals while concocting plan
10. Gigantic ambulatory brain pulsates w/weird delight, just acquired particularly juicy tidbit of cosmic insight from ingested Yeti lama, consuming a human brain after such rare pleasure could only disappoint
11. Massive ape in golden, gem-encrusted war harness, smeared in gore, brains, swollen w/pride, heads back to quarters in company of equally pleased trainers, handlers, after incredible victory in arena, lust for battle completely sated for first time in short, brutal existence
12. Mummified monarch of extinct beetle civilization, pleased as punch w/accidental revivification by sorcerer now in belly, announces resumption of global empire at top of regal voice, issues orders to passersby as they occur to her, temporarily magnanimous toward inferior beings


  1. All hail Coleopterus Rex the LXXCIV , click click buzz hrurrmmm!

  2. Your brain works in wondrous ways, for which we are all extremely grateful.