Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Dungeon Management, Poor

"I don't know where the god damn secret entrance is."

1. Dungeon Overlord has lost master set of keys, now accidentally locked in on level 10 with other denizens, becoming increasingly irritated with one another
2. Approved leave of absence for significant portion of minions just before wave of dungeon plague sweeps over the remainder
3. Following minion insurrection, pressed into duty new humanoid forces difficult to distinguish from one another, turns out half were carrying offspring and need to lie down quite a bit at this point and not too keen on staffing guard rooms
4. Logistical snafu prevents shipment of minion chow from arriving on time, cannibalism now openly discussed
5. Trap equipment failure on level nine due to lax, negligent upkeep, mechanisms jammed with dead adventurers, important security measure now compromised
6. Key dungeon staff embroiled in clique-war, Overlord attempts to intervene but ends up killing scads of them in frenzy of retribution
7. Lackluster hiring practices leads to sub-par magical support services, unreliable non-board certified sorcery
8. Citing incompetence, dragon on level 8 declares itself the new Overlord, demands abdication, has been secretly bribing denizens for months now
9. Failure to allocate necessary funds for weird tadpole extermination weeks ago results in psychedelic giant frog infestation on all levels in pools, streams, basins, etc.
10. Waste materials piling up all over the place after accidental release of experimental caustic war gas destroyed all the omniverous sewer monsters, up to 3 feet deep in some 10 feet-wide corridors
11. Decision to pursue rumored location of powerful relic in previously unknown "11th level", instead delved too deeply and released a horror currently depopulating the dungeon
12. Drunken boasting at annual Dungeon Overlord conference inadvertently reveals location of ingenious secret entrance, now circulated far and wide among scoundrels, ne'er-do-wells, villains, and ultimately adventurers

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