Friday, August 3, 2018

(Mostly) Harmless Denizens of the Weird Forest

In the strange lands devoid of squirrel, chipmunk, bunny, mole, vole, mouse, deer, moose, fox, or raccoon.

1. Arboreal armadillos scramble up and down treetrunks with impossible nimbleness
2. Tiny forest pachyderms trumpet and stampede to little effect
3. Wingless pixies swing around from tree to tree like tiny Tarzans
4. Semi-boneless cats slither around swiftly with nominal aid from adorable vestigial paws
5. Tree cucumbers extrude their stomachs rudely, like getting licked by a horse
6. Mouse-sized shell-less turtles in their hordes nibble indiscriminately on this and that, move in concert like flock of birds
7. Brightly hued nectar sipping honey bats abide in their tree-top hives, behavior guided by their noble queen
8. In the fall and winter huge fuzzy cuddly caterpillars gnaw down great oaks beaver-like, in the spring and summer huge kite-winged firefly moths illuminate the wood
9. Monkey-wrench apes descend nightly to obsessively disassemble anything wrought by human hands (including unstitching garments, uncorking wine), then laugh about it until just before dawn
10. Arm-length mantises keep a respectful distance while munching the heads off of wingless pixies, at night they play their wings like violins
11. Forest clams mimic tree fungus until prey animals perch on their open shells, also known to throw surprise muscle punches at humans who get too close/screw up their action
12. Rat-sized stink pigs contentedly oink, reek while scavenging, harbor perverse affection for iron rations


  1. Feels like adventuring in a Guillermo Del Torro film. Love it!

  2. 11. Don't you mean MUSSEL punches? XD

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