Thursday, September 20, 2018

On the Clearance Rack



Esoteric items on offer from the local purveyor of dungeoneering equipment. Caveat Emptor!

d12
1. Experimental 50' rope that doubles as fast-burning fuse
2. Water purification tablets of unknown provenance, introduced in sufficient quantities, dungeon pools roil w/fizz utterly toxic to native life
3. Lightweight suction cup/sturdy tubes/mesh arrangement designed to provide sleeping area well above vermin-trodden dungeon floors
4. Semi-translucent suit of jellyfish leather, proof against attacks by most slimes, jellies, oozes, puddings, and other caustic agents
5. Moonstone compass always points toward nearest route to surface, by always I of course mean 62% of the time
6. Twelve implausibly large self-adhesive false mustaches for 1 silver penny
7. Dungeon mood ring changes colors as spells depleted, damage accumulates
8. One-man stretcher with wheels on one end, thick leather girdle on the other for hands-free hauling
9. Hazmat-like suit of cunningly woven garlic fibers for head-to-toe vampire protection
10. Man-harness w/50' leash, fully retractable via fishing reel-style apparatus clipped to belt
11. 10 lb. sack of charcoal briquettes w/lantern-like oven for small dungeon BBQ/emergency warming station
12. All-purpose human replica stuffed dummy, comes fully clothed w/choice of wig, 120 lbs, semi-useless instructions (filled with charming syntax/grammar/translation errors) for use as poor-man's mirror image, transported easily using one-man stretcher (see entry 8)

4 comments:

  1. 11 by crom, This has to be my new favorite dungeon gear entry
    AND on Clearance!

    ReplyDelete
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