"Yes, I believe I can undo the witch's baleful incantation, but I must warn you that some patients experience one or more of the following side-effects..."
If a saving throw is failed, roll 1d4-1 to determine number of side effects, re-roll repeats or irrelevant results.
1. All knowledge of financial affairs, past and present, including current contents of purse
2. Self-confidence, leaving behind a doubt-wracked wretch, patient companions must drag subject to any further adventures
3. Random skill, talent, or ability, becomes impossible to relearn
4. Vision in one eye, hearing in one ear, use of one nostril, feeling on one side of body, ability to taste saltiness/sweetness, leaving only bitterness/sourness, umami unaffected for some reason
5. Love for one's fellow mammals, victim seeks out comfort among the bugs, reptiles and fishes
6. The ability to form and communicate a coherent sentence under stress, i.e. "Go check the door for traps!" becomes "Go dogfish in the banana patch!"
7. Sense of humor, leaving a rigid literal interpretation of everything in its wake
8. Teeth, can be fashioned into interesting necklace for a small additional fee
9. Any remaining dedication to honor and nation, must make saving throw to avoid shouting treasonous remarks when in proximity to authority figures
10. Tolerance to alcohol, subject becomes a one-drink drunk
11. Personal charm, if any, also permanently erases any tattoos, closes piercings, screws up hairdo for life
12. The will to wear pants