Saturday, July 8, 2017

Earning a Living in the Megadungeon

"Do you have anything for a thief, a reaver, a slayer?"

Many exciting opportunities available now (elves and dwarfs need not apply)!

1. Taskmaster position open for dungeon excavation crew, must work well with humanoids, sadistic streak preferred, ruthlessness required
2. Professional sycophant desired for Lich's entourage, talent for fawning praise required, ability to offer light, innocuous critiques that simultaneously buoy the ego, many perks including luxurious quarters, use/abuse of servants, personal zombie-borne palanquin
3. Short-term position for egg tender needed by travelling dragon, duties include insuring/monitoring health and safety, dissuading predators/thieves by any means necessary, candidates must submit to extreme vetting, detect alignment
4. On-the-job training available for torturer's apprentice, see Chief Interrogator, Subterranean Bureau of Investigation, Government level, some knowledge of the limits of humanoid endurance/psychological frailties required
5. Long-term positions for treasure guardians, pays out handsomely after 100 year stint, potions of longevity provided, must demonstrate martial talents, ability to withstand long periods of tedium, trial by combat to decide final assignments, assorted stimulants, room and board provided
6. Live-in chef/au pair wanted by well-to-do cannibal gourmets, looking for inventive use of ingredients, must be flexible, outside-the-box thinker, unhampered by taboos, squeamishness
7. Expert trap disablers needed on the Crypt level, pays in cash daily, must survive practicum, excellent climbing skills a plus, commision on treasures harvested
8. Sessile vampire of means hiring radical phlebotomists for procurement of necessities, candidates should bring sample specimen to interview for evaluation, must submit to charm
9. Up-and-coming cult seeks charismatic representatives for promotional drive, fluency in multiple languages, real or feigned zeal required, pays percentage of offerings gathered
10. Artisans, laborers needed by Sub-Overlord for completion of self-aggrandizing statuary installation, apply on the Monuments level, you'll work harder than you ever imagined possible on three hot meals of dungeon gruel, four hours liberty per day
11. Ooze abatement specialist needed on the River level, top of the line protective gear including jellyfish leather work togs, self-cleaning goggles, experimental breathing apparatus provided
12. Work from home (see Underworld Accommodations)! Assemble arrows, bolts, other projectiles in spare time for subterranean humanoid arms manufacturer, pays by the gross, be your own boss!

No comments:

Post a Comment