Monday, October 29, 2012

Yeah, but THIS Mummy...

"I'm Nophru-Ka the Ancient Lord,
and I endorse this message."

1. Lashes out with extensible bandage to bind and entangle foes
2. Dribbles a trail of tiny black puddings from dessicated lips
3. Intends to reclaim time-lost dominion by presenting ancient but progressive policies and entirely sensible arguments to the land's current occupants
4. Upon awakening urgently seeks out those of high station to impart ancient prophecies of the utmost importance to the present day
5. Must restore its tissues in fortnightly baths of the purest virgin blood
6. Seeks out a party of bold adventurers to join, offering knowledge of untapped treasure troves from bygone eras
7. Makes immediate war upon all living things with no exceptions (yes, even plants) until extermination complete or destroyed
8. Crumbled into bits and pieces ages ago, all of which attack the living to the best of their ability
9. Reeks so offensively it could literally kill someone of fragile constitution
10. Upon revival sets itself to the task for which it was created: pyramid building
11. Lathered with fireproof embalming goo
12. Has hill giant size hands for manually decapitating tomb robbers

1 comment:

  1. Has a fruit flavored breakfast cereal he'd like you to try?