Saturday, October 12, 2013

NPC Encounters: Dungeon Level Seven

1. Big game hunter answering call for same issued by resident quasi-lich who feels proliferation of ropers obscures view of attractive scintillant gas cloud effusing from paleogean fissure, neanderthal side-kick drags cart loaded with specialized anti-monster implements
2. Brewmaster general (half-drunk), muscles like steel bands due to hefting kegs day and night, mighty war-maul ready to smash any who interfere w/deliveries, equally mighty brew-apes (drunk) haul twelve varieties of craft beers and ales, each uniquely horrible
3. Unaccompanied sorcerer in striped raiment: all spells somehow bee-themed (ex: contact other hive, summon giant bee), bits of honeycomb in beard, likes to discuss all things apian pretty much exclusively, insufferable, abandoned by party when caught in web, royal jelly sampler w/variety of magical effects
4. Humanoid executive chef on rampage, tunic spattered w/remnants of deceased kitchen staff, rants in outrageous accent as great cleaver waves around menacingly, needs replacement staff instantly to complete dinner service for dungeon overlord and important guests
5. Necromancer's aide, exceptionally bright humanoid in black lab coat, did a quick loot of late master's chambers after terrible incident (see level six), laden with interesting items in large sack, makes bee-line for buyer on level eight
6. Masterful thief w/two broken legs crawling in shadows following unfortunate dispute with Brewmaster (entry 2), concealed scroll contains partial maps of levels 8-10)
7. Human from surface with fish symbol emblazoned on silk cape, dorsal fin helmet, elbow length black safety gloves, pushes hand truck with sealed leather bags containing live giant leeches for quasi-lich's aquarium
8. Evil gentleman of leisure w/armed-to-the-teeth undead manservant (zombie-like but very spry) makes notes in leather book, working on encyclopedia of underworld phenomena, seems friendly but dispenses nothing but intentionally misleading dungeon lore
9. Highly eligible troll maiden towers over throng of suitors pitching their nauseating woo, most she rebukes with verbal crudities, the more revolting she effortlessly tears limb from limb
10. Monster dentist brandishes official dungeon pass issued by overlord, terrifying tool kit, collection of weird monster teeth, needed for emergency extraction on level 10
11. Dungeon census official, tall and gaunt humanoid with pair of luminous ocular enhancers, takes information of any encountered, notifies tax collector (see level three) via telepathy of any unauthorized looters, carries rod of summary execution, squad of bloodthirsty ghoul attendants in war harness
12. Real estate developer for dungeon overlord, human shaped but covered in glistening ebon scales, blood-red forked tongue waggling provocatively during lulls in conversation, constant unsettling smile, shows empty rooms to vampire looking for new digs


  1. I can't be the only one ready to demand d12 bee-themed spells.

    1. Not to mention d12 "varieties of craft beers and ales, each uniquely horrible"

  2. Yep, 3 is a winner.
    Oh, and Gordon Ramsey. :))