Friday, October 4, 2013

NPC Encounters: Dungeon Level Three

1. Psychic sculptor: telekinetically operates rather fearsome hammer and chisel, tags dungeon walls w/obscene bas relief
2. Celebrity witch rides headless giant bat at top speed through corridors pursued by throng of gibbering humanoid fans, clearly delighted with attention
3. Delivery-giant in smart uniform puzzles over location to drop off pallet load of canned processed human meat product
4. Exhausted but still hyper-competent humanoid gladiator w/bag full of personally severed heads looks for crooked and currently missing underworld bookie to settle accounts
5. Official tax collector for the dungeon overlord: massive humanoid with giant glowing multifaceted eyes, black armor of wrought meteoric iron, posse of heavily armed leech men, adventurers commanded to instantly remit thief tax calculated on the spot by quick visual assessment of means
6. Paladin in fire-blackened plate, once-glorious hairdo burned to scalp, eyebrowless, formerly booming basso voice reduced to choked whisper, smiles crazily and keeps repeating "it wasn't a dragon!"
7. Typically precocious dark elf children, clad in superb chitin mail, armed to teeth, scamper about setting experimental man-traps for a school project despite feeble protestations by local humanoids too terrified to fully assert themselves
8. Teleportation specialist wizard and gaggle of expert cut-throats congratulate one another on recent victory against troll, squabble about loot division
9. Human mercenary in skin tight action suit w/ rapier, dagger, armor-piercing specialist of the utmost skill, leads frail bald human in stained hospital gown w/power to detect gold at 120 feet
10. Dungeon serial killer concealed by magic-enhanced camouflage bides time waiting for ideal victim, can remain motionless for hours
11.The Sword of Inquiry, intelligent relic w/personality of a chat show host, cruises the dungeon under its own power of levitation, freed from locked trunk in troll hoard by adventuring crew (see entry 8), willing to team up with the right warrior but only after extensive interview process
12. Expert monster wrangler in safari outfit meets w/ghoulish dungeon banker to discuss security options for proposed branch, site currently infested with entirely disposable humanoid population

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