Friday, July 13, 2012

Something Has Upset the Ancient Dragon

1. Found religion but only just heard of requisite tithe for his income bracket
2. Unable to locate favored bauble, vaporized most of staff in accusatory huff, obsessively searching through hoard again and again
3. Injury to pride due to recent string of humiliating defeats on once-routine sorties against local settlements, still licking numerous arrow wounds
4. Nagging health issues: arthritic joints, wing troubles, diminishing fires, explosive coughing jags
5. Mating trouble: eligible suitors all unsatisfactory in one way or another, can't commit, expecting next contestant any minute
6. Preternatural dragon senses tingle with forebodings of doom, high anxiety, jumpy, trigger-happy
7. Psychological imbalance aggravated by deficiencies in dwarf-based diet: epic irrational rages over anything and everything
8. Hasn't been able to get a good fortnight's sleep in ages due to incessant howling of monster in dragon-inaccessible lair
9. Bamboozled out of nice chunk of hoard by expert confidence trickster
10. Lost huge wager over outcome of leadership change in nearby realm, new administration rumored to favor strong anti-draconic measures
11. Barely survived attempted coup led by demon major domo (dispatched)
12. Disobliging review of achievements in newly published history, ready to launch into obscenity-laced tirade of self-justification should anyone care to listen


  1. You are planning a .pdf of all of these at some point, right?

  2. Regarding # 12, in most draconic languages obscenities = breath weapon useage. (This quirk of linguistics has proven a good thing for most non-dragon speakers of draconic, as the inability to properly cuss makes them automatically a bit more polite when speaking to dragons, unless they bring along a potion of fire breathing or something.)

  3. Ah, but technically, dragons don't have incomes! Unless they get jobs or unless you count tributes from villages.