Saturday, March 17, 2012

Yeah, But THIS Troll...

1. Proselytizes for the troll god by offering sacramental samples of its flesh (see subtable below)
2. Has one head controlling three troll bodies (two of which are headless)
3. Speaks several languages, attempts to rationally demonstrate why adventurers should sell him one or more party members
4. Bleeds healing potion
5. Produces new heads/limbs when severed as per hydra
6. Continuously bellows out song of derangement
7. Multiplies via dismemberment
8. Has vestigial bat wings, shafts of crimson light radiating from eyes and exhales black smoke
9. Regenerates imperfectly: current form is semi-ambulatory mash-up of extra limbs, organs, heads, eyes, etc.
10. Is so rubbery it literally bounces everywhere like a rubber ball
11. Is ashamed of its own nakedness, would trade much to be outfitted as sophisticated urbanite
12. Just ate a 500 year old cask of spirits, suddenly plunged into deep introspection, searching for mirror to stare into awaiting epiphany of self-knowledge

Subtable: Effects of Consuming Sacramental Troll-flesh
1-2 Grow unsightly troll nose (smell troll-prey up to 10 miles distant)
3-4 Develop trollish appetites
5-6 Hair changes into shock of spiny bristles
7-8 Skin becomes green rubber-hide
9-10 Congratulations! You now regenerate.
11-12 Transformation to troll form complete in 72 hours